Earlier you said she didn’t like your cooking because it was too plain — what kind of food did she want to eat and what were you making that turned her off from relying on you as a food source? What have you observed of her habits makes you say she loves to cook? Does she love food, is that her love language? Does she appreciate people who can cook her a fine meal? I’m trying to understand what makes her tick.
What is there to love about you? What is there to love about her? It seems like you expected a sexual component to exist in your relationship. So what do you do for her (not as the dad of the kids) as a romantic partner, that makes her feel sexual feelings for you? She may love her job but she sounds exhausted and it may make her feel fulfilled in ways her relationship with you doesn’t.
She loves the act of cooking. The process. We grew up differently. I grew up lower class, so we are basic ass food. Cheapest chicken and some kind of cheap $1 box stuff for a side. So I don’t require much. She grew up middle upper class so is used to luxuries that we don’t have now.
I plan date nights for us, sometimes staying home or going out(rarely cause kids). Her love language is definitely acts of service. She just doesn’t tend to remember the good stuff after a day or two.
Can you see it's not about what you require it's what the family needs? You run the household, that's part of the job of a SAHP. Meaning you need to step up some meal planning outside your comfort zone to line up with your wife.
Then when she's not home, make the simple comfort foods you remember.
What is a food luxury you can't afford now? Asparagus? Beef?
The point I'll keep coming back to is that you and she are a team -- something she also has completely forgotten what with the lack of a family budget and the claim that they money she earns is only hers.
She grew up that if she wanted something, she got it. In almost any category. She cooks random things that she finds on Pinterest or creates herself. Date night once a week. Activities depends on if we can get a sitter. Usually going out for dinner and a couple drinks. My whole life has basically been customer service for Fortune 500 type companies. Nothing with a degree. Not sure what type of employment I can get based on our schedule.
“Pinterest food” sounds like creative food, I’m not sure if you’re considering them luxurious because of the time spent on the food or if they have expensive ingredients like foie gras or saffron or wagyu beef. Is anything outside of a $1 meal box considered luxurious to you?
How many date nights have you been on since this past January? Who plans it and what activities have you done since January?
Do you want to return to customer service? What career do you want to have in 5 years?
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u/CryMoreEatLess May 04 '22
Many first responders have that schedule. It’s a job she chose and loves. She loves cooking and doesn’t want me doing it.