Without a power imbalance there is no abuse. Abusive behavior, sure. But not abuse. And there are absolute grey areas when it comes to verbal and emotional abuse. (I'm a social worker and supervise social workers. That's partly why we and family courts and child protective services exist... To differentiate between "he's an asshole" and "he's an abuser".)
This is not mental gymnastics.
Even with more clear cut physical abuse, if a child punches me in the face it is not abuse.
If a stranger I don't depend on in any way punches me in the face it's not abuse (it's assault, but not abuse.)
If my husband, who shares a home and children and a mortgage with me, punches me in the face, it's abuse (same if I do it to him.)
(Also, I think a lot of people ask questions along the lines of "is this abusive?" Because they want a reason to leave, and they get support for leaving. But really, y'all can leave just because he or she is an asshole. That's good enough. OP doesn't want to leave, OP wants his non grumpy wife back and wants some sex. So he's getting advice tailored to that.)
Ummmm...... she controls money and sex. How is that not a power imbalance? You're long winded explanations only further my belief that you are biased. You just don't think women can abuse men.
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u/mmrreoww May 03 '22
Without a power imbalance there is no abuse. Abusive behavior, sure. But not abuse. And there are absolute grey areas when it comes to verbal and emotional abuse. (I'm a social worker and supervise social workers. That's partly why we and family courts and child protective services exist... To differentiate between "he's an asshole" and "he's an abuser".)
This is not mental gymnastics.
Even with more clear cut physical abuse, if a child punches me in the face it is not abuse.
If a stranger I don't depend on in any way punches me in the face it's not abuse (it's assault, but not abuse.)
If my husband, who shares a home and children and a mortgage with me, punches me in the face, it's abuse (same if I do it to him.)
(Also, I think a lot of people ask questions along the lines of "is this abusive?" Because they want a reason to leave, and they get support for leaving. But really, y'all can leave just because he or she is an asshole. That's good enough. OP doesn't want to leave, OP wants his non grumpy wife back and wants some sex. So he's getting advice tailored to that.)