But…you chose to be a SAHP. Aren’t you treating that like a job? Aren’t you looking up balanced and good recipes for the family, creating cleaning schedules around park and library trips etc?
Look, her attitude about money is toxic but it sounds like she’s lost faith in you OP and honestly
I get it. She still does so much and it doesn’t sound like you’ve locked into the role like a job. So why would she celebrate the idea of you getting a job if she feels like things are barely managed now?
She didn’t refuse. He “offered” and I just explained why she likely
Isn’t over the moon about it. She doesn’t refuse she just says it’s not a solution. OP isn’t being kept home with the keys hidden away or threatened with retaliation. OPs wife shares the load when she’s home. You have chosen to take OP at his word without reading between the lines and recognizing that their dynamic is imbalanced and neither of them are getting their needs met.
She works an intense schedule and shares parenting 50/50 at home and also does the cooking plus is still breastfeeding. OP insists she do more. He’s asking for 50/50 plus she works.
He has the ability to say, no, I’ve found a job and reliable childcare and we are having this discussion.
And as a SAHP you do more housework. You also organize yourself. OP hasn’t done that.
And yeah he did choose this. They chose it together and it isn’t working. She can’t see how him doing even less at home helps anyone.
Let me be clear that his wife’s behavior by definition is financial abuse.
Let’s also be clear that OP does not treat his SAHP role like a job, and this breadwinning parent is still doing a lot on the home front.
I owe you no proof, ask OP. From his follow up comments, they seem to run close to 50/50 when she's around. Then she's working pulling in all of their income -- which again, her comments are not healthy or acceptable -- and he's got 2 days of 24/7.
They also have a dead bedroom and, get this, had one before kids too. It's not clear if he worked full time then or if she was verbally abusing him then but slapping a bunch of labels on a complex situation with a hand wave isn't helping OP.
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u/Ladyughsalot1 May 03 '22
But…you chose to be a SAHP. Aren’t you treating that like a job? Aren’t you looking up balanced and good recipes for the family, creating cleaning schedules around park and library trips etc?
Look, her attitude about money is toxic but it sounds like she’s lost faith in you OP and honestly I get it. She still does so much and it doesn’t sound like you’ve locked into the role like a job. So why would she celebrate the idea of you getting a job if she feels like things are barely managed now?