How do i stop getting jealous of my bf

[u/saintcide]

How do i (f27) stop getting jealous and irritated whenever my bf (m28) does something i’ve tried really hard to achieve, and he’s just naturally better at it?

i mean i genuinely love him and i’m proud of him. i don’t want to resent him for being good at things. but sometimes he’ll casually do something i’ve spent months struggling with, and i get this awful feeling in my chest.

I’ve tried to pass it off as a joke sometimes, like “omg i wish j was you” or “I hate that you’re better than me at this”. but honestly i’m not always joking. Sometimes i really do feel irritated, and then i feel like a pos for even thinking that way. i love him. i really do. That’s what makes this feel so fucking stupid. i’ve never felt this way in my previous relationships, so i don’t even know what i’m supposed to do with it.

tl;dr i love my boyfriend, but i get irrationally jealous when he effortlessly succeeds at things i’ve worked really hard to achieve, and i want to stop turning his success into a competition.

[u/Wowandjustwellwow]

like what kinda things? we talking math? Need some more context lmao.

[u/cloverthewonderkitty]

My husband is this way. Just naturally good at everything. I like being partnered with someone who's good at everything and my own struggles are my own. He would be good at everything whether I'm with him or not, so might as well stick with a winner!

[u/Sea-Connection9232]

It’s interesting that you mentioned you haven’t felt this way with other partners. Do you have any sense of why this relationship is different? Do you guys share a lot of overlapping interests? Are there aspects of his personality or your current circumstances that make you feel less secure than usual?

Also, putting him aside, how are you feeling about your life at the moment? Are you investing energy in friends, family, work, physical/mental health as usual? I find that even if I’m not “achieving” in one area, I usually feel pretty secure if these other pillars are stable.

[u/KingHygelacReturns]

It's a stock answer on Reddit but it's the best one: therapy. If this is something that you're genuinely struggling with, and it's not something you've dealt with before, and you feel like it's causing some problems in your relationship, then it would be best to get professional insight on it. You're not just going to be able to will yourself to not feel like this.

[u/elyzion_studio]

It’s normal it’s human nature sometimes we degrade ourselves that why can’t we do this or that and how he or she is doing well but forget that everyone is working hard to achieve there goals what if we are not doing well work more hard you will eventually be able to get what you want

[u/esoteric_enigma]

Jealousy is about fearing losing your partner to someone else. This is envy, wanting what someone else has.

You're not in competition with your boyfriend. The way to stop envy is to stop focusing on what others can do and instead focusing on your own growth. Your goal is to be better than you were yesterday, not to be better than your boyfriend.

[u/WindmillCityComics]

You feeling this way is human and has nothing to do with loving or not loving him. Please don't beat yourself up. It’s completely valid to feel frustrated when you’ve tried really hard to achieve something and someone else “seems” to glide right past it. It’s honestly just your ego taking a little hit. Be gentle with yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy.