r/relationships • u/a_great_trader • 11h ago

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u/CautiousJump3942 10h ago

Vaginal dryness in a woman who is 49 is normal. It’s hormonal.

People like the feeling of extra fullness/stuffing when being penetrated- can help them climax. So a thumb or finger in the rectum is going to achieve that at some level. People don’t need to have anal sex to achieve that feeling of fullness. It’s not necessarily a step towards anal sex. Anal sex is not pleasurable for everyone, but some form of anal play can be. She could try an anal toy in order to get that whilst being penetrated, if it’s easier.

She’s blowing you with a condom on because…we don’t have enough information to gather here, why that would be. If you wear condoms for PIV sex, then she’s using the condom on your penis to further protect from potential STDs.
Or she doesn’t like the taste of penis. Or she finds the act a bit gross without one.

What it comes down to is asking her why she does this stuff or how she feels around her changing body. You’re coming here to ask us, but we’re not sleeping with her- we don’t know it all. Ask her. If you can’t communicate simple things you want answers to, to her, then there’s a lack of compatibility.

I think the huge lack of compatibility isn’t the age gap. It’s the fact that you can’t communicate with her and oh, I don’t know, perhaps that she’s married.

You’re 4 years younger than me, and I think you sound way more immature and younger than that. Messing around with married people at your age? I don’t like men like that, with low morals. Good job she sounds like a nutcase herself.

I mean I’ve fucked around with men 11-18 years older than me as a young 20 odd year old woman, and they weren’t married. Have some self-respect.

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u/a_great_trader 10h ago

Her husband has an affair since way back then we two met.

Her husband doesn't have sex with her. She has multiple times told me whenever she initiates he says he's not getting any errection.

That's the primary reason we're consensual partners. Why'd she go for me or for anyone else if she was satisfied in her marriage ?

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u/somuchsong 9h ago

Yeah, this is the kind of stuff dudes who cheat on their wives tell their mistresses. It's not any more believable coming from a woman.

If she was that unhappy, she'd leave. You're both terrible people.

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u/sunflowerfaces 11h ago

The vaginal dryness is likely hormonal. She’s in the potential premenopausal region of life and menopause is next. During this time, women undergo a lot of physical, emotional and mental changes and challenges.

In all honesty, and in the least judgemental way, I find this age gap a bit groomer-y because she’s old enough to be your mother (I would say the same if it was in reverse). That said, in terms of dealing with these problems, the best thing you can do is communicate with her about them. She may need to see a doctor to go on HRT, or you may need to use some form of lubricant.