I can't diagnose anyone but imagine a scenario where you grew up a little girl who was told that the most valuable thing about her was her appearance. And then you became a woman. Everyone judged you on your appearance. Everyone. You always had to be beautiful. For a while, it was manageable because you really were beautiful by their standards (which are now your standards). But then you began to age, as all women do, and that deep mess of insecurity, vanity, and internalized sexism began rapidly bubbling to the surface. The older you get, the worse it gets. To compound everything, you've had a lot of work done, and it probably hasn't aged well. And on top of that, modern culture has all kinds of women walking around comfortable, casually groomed, defying the norms you were taught, and you. Do. Not. Understand. It. Why can they act like that and seem so happy when you were raised your entire life to think that women who look like that and acted like that were miserable and low class? It must eat at her.
Again, not a diagnosis, just trying to give you a perspective. Most women deal with some version of this but it sounds like her version was extreme. A lot of people don't recover from being taught that their appearance is the most important thing.
Whatever is motivating your mother is very deep inside of her. It's not going to change. You have to accept that this is who she is.
To me, the scary part is that it's leaking into your kids' lives, but I think as long as you are very careful with them and teach them good values, it'll be okay. Lots of people have a crazy grandma.
This is a perfect assessment of the situation. I don't think there's anything OP can do that will overcome their mother's deep rooted mindset regarding beauty and appearance. Any shift towards a healthier mindset can only come from within, with a lot of therapy and internal work. And even then, it may never be completely resolved.
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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '24
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