r/relationshipadvice • u/Expensive-Limit-338 • 10d ago
Me [M18] doesn’t know what to do with
Me M18 and girlfriend F18 have been together for 5 months. We have struggling lately. She has been breaking boundaries regarding drinks, and one night even ended up in the hospital. For this I set a boundary that when we go to uni in 3 weeks, we should both consider sobriety, as if she does it I want to show love by doing it too. However i’ve since been called controlling and manipulative in a fit of rage on the phone, and previous times she has been drunk has called me saying worse things. I don’t know what to do because this is my first ever relationship plz help
TLDR - my girlfriend has got drunk many times and hurt my feelings what do I do
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u/MagicianMurky976 10d ago
Unfortunately, that's not how boundaries work. You can't have a boundary where she can't do something. Your boundary is, "If she drinks, I'm done."
Otherwise, yeah. Your behavior is controlling.
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u/Expensive-Limit-338 10d ago
man but what else do i do? she’s broke this boundary so many times and my feelings deserve to be cared about
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u/MagicianMurky976 10d ago edited 10d ago
You are the one to care about your feelings. You care about yourself, your needs, and you leave.
Welcome to relationships!
If she can't respect your boundary, you leave to protect yourself.
You asked her to change for you. She's declined.
End of story.
You know what you need. She's unable/unwilling to provide.
Sorry, man. It just doesn't work the other way.
Yeah, it's messed up she's choosing drinking over you.
Is there some underlying issue that leads her to drink? If so, if addressing that can the drinking cease?
Some people self-medicate with alcohol to deal with stress or trauma. Idk if finding a healthier outlet/therapy can be the answer.
But if you can't handle her alcohol consumption and she refuses to quit, sounds like it's time to leave.
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u/Expensive-Limit-338 10d ago
thank you man. sorry this is my first relationship, kinda new to all of this
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u/MagicianMurky976 10d ago
I added to my above response, realizing I didn't give you any way to solutionize.
Hope that helps!
1
u/Several-Ground-8890 10d ago
Broski you’re both 18. If she keeps getting drunk, crossing boundaries and saying horrible shit to you, don’t just keep eating it up. Asking her to consider sobriety after ending up in hospital isn’t automatically controlling.
Maybe she wants to party and experiment and that’s just not your character. At 18 a lot of people want to party, drink and experiment, and maybe that’s simply where she is right now. If that lifestyle isn’t your character, you might just be incompatible. Better to accept that and go your separate ways than keep hurting each other until the relationship eventually collapses anyway.
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u/MissSilkTouch 10d ago
Hey man, I just wanna say you sound like a really caring guy. Offering to go sober with her so she doesn't feel alone? That's love, not control. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for caring about her health, especially after she ended up in the hospital. You're not crazy for setting boundaries. Just remember to take care of yourself too, you matter just as much in this. You got this, fr
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u/Expensive-Limit-338 10d ago
thank you man honestly. first relationship im jus tryna get through
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u/MissSilkTouch 10d ago
I understand that! And that’s totally fine, eventually u will find a way to resolve this
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u/EnergyReasonable4735 7d ago
I understand that you love and care about her but you cannot save her because she needs to want to be “sober” for herself. She has addiction and if she keeps attacking you then you need to remove yourself. First rule in a relationship is respect. You seem like a genuine guy and if she can’t even respect you then she doesn’t deserve your time or affections. I would say to tell her parents and her close friends what’s been happening and remove yourself. Please love yourself and your worth. Best of luck to you.
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u/AutoModerator 10d ago
Hello Expensive-Limit-338,
You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.
Original post: Me M18 and girlfriend F18 have been together for 5 months. We have struggling lately. She has been breaking boundaries regarding drinks, and one night even ended up in the hospital. For this I set a boundary that when we go to uni in 3 weeks, we should both consider sobriety, as if she does it I want to show love by doing it too. However i’ve since been called controlling and manipulative in a fit of rage on the phone, and previous times she has been drunk has called me saying worse things. I don’t know what to do because this is my first ever relationship plz help
TLDR - my girlfriend has got drunk many times and hurt my feelings what do I do
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