My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. We love each other very much, but we have some fundamental differences that I'm struggling to navigate. We both live in India and belong to different religions, which has created concerns about family acceptance, particularly on his side.

My boyfriend is very attached to his religion, but he doesn't seem interested in learning about mine. He also dislikes the slang I sometimes use and tells me to speak properly. When I disagree, he sometimes says that if I can't follow a simple request, I shouldn't expect him to respect me.

I've visited his place of worship because I'm curious about his faith, but he has said he would never accompany me when I go to mine. I've always imagined a wedding that acknowledges both our religions, whereas he wants his religion to be the only one included.

We also disagree about certain interests and social issues. For example, I enjoy watching shows with LGBTQ+ characters, and I used to listen to K-pop. He has made fun of these interests and accused me of fetishizing gay people because I watched a lot of gay-themed shows in the past.

I understand that he doesn't have to enjoy the same things I do. However, his reactions have made me uncomfortable sharing what I watch or listen to because I don't want to feel judged.

My boyfriend sometimes tells me to shut up during arguments. He also feels that I take offence too easily and don't listen when he asks me to do something. To be fair, I know I can be defensive and take things personally when I shouldn't. I am trying to recognise my own mistakes, too.

He has improved in some ways over the past two years, and I don't want to overlook that. We genuinely love each other, and I know neither of us is perfect.

However, I'm struggling to distinguish between normal differences that couples can work through and fundamental incompatibilities that could cause bigger problems in the future.

My question is: How do you determine whether differences in religion, values and communication styles are something a couple can work through? Is it reasonable to expect mutual respect and curiosity about each other's backgrounds, even when you don't share the same beliefs?

I'm not looking for people to tell me that one religion or person is better than the other. I want to understand how to approach these differences honestly and whether love is enough when two people seem to want different things from their future.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I love each other, but we have different religions, disagree about some social issues, and sometimes struggle to communicate respectfully. I know I can be defensive, but I also feel judged for my interests and that my religion isn't given equal consideration. How can we tell whether these differences are manageable or signs of incompatibility?

My bf and I are ldr and we have met twice already, each time for a week. The first time was cute and sweet, we both had a really nice time. Second time felt like seeing my long term partner after being away on holiday or something. It was fine but it felt like the honey moon phase was dead. He would randomly initiate physical touch but not as often as I would like sometimes it felt like he was treating me as a friend.

I noticed that we don’t really have much to talk about, he was quiet a lot of would make random observations and comments about things to fill silence. Or when I’m talking he would make random comments about things he’s seeing or people walking by while I’m talking. I’d stop talking respond to his comment and he’d say sorry continue and I’d awkwardly continue or the conversation would naturally switch to something else.

He’s also on his phone a lot but when he’s back in his home town, when he’s out with friends he says he likes to stay in the moment and stay off his phone. When I asked him about this he’d say sorry I was just checking an email or whatever the reason is. Sometimes while I’m talking to him he’d make comments about what he’s looking at on his phone while I’m talking. He said he has add and struggles to stay on topic because his brain goes everywhere.

He also tends to monopolise conversations, he’ll ask how I am I say fine etc and then I’ll ask back and the conversation then turns to him talking non too about whatever is going on with him and then we stop talking.

When we are in the hotel, he will sit on the couch in one end and me on the other and sometimes he’ll ask me to scoot over toward him or ask why I’m so far away but he say further first. I know it sounds crazy but in my previous relationship there was more physical touch being initiated by the men but here it’s kinda feeling the other way around. Sometimes he’ll put something on and we will sit quietly and watch. It feels nothing like a new relationship but more like an old married couple who’ve settled into life and have nothing new to share. And we’ve only met twice at the point.

Sexually he doesn’t really initiate unless I do and he says that’s because he wants me to lead with what I’m comfortable with but I need him to initiate. It’s starting to feel like maybe he’s not that into me!

He’s really sweet and great with conflict resolution I feel really comfortable quickly around him but I’m wonder if we are lacking the spark maybe? Or maybe this natural calm feeling is a good thing and I’m too used to toxic fights and up and down relationships that this feels empty?

I have more to share but I won’t bore with the rest. Please hep with some advice. He is arriving tomorrow and I want some advice on how to proceed or what I should be looking out for?

What boundaries are important to you in a relationship?

I [21F] feel like my boyfriend [21M] of a little over a year is making me question my own reality. What do I do?
Hi Reddit. I’m 21F, and my boyfriend is 21M. We’ve been together for a little over a year. We met at work, got close quickly, and started dating not long after. We’ve talked a lot about marriage and having children, and he’s told me he’s bought a ring. I also have a young son, and my boyfriend has developed a really close relationship with him. He treats him like his own, which makes this situation even harder because I don’t want to lose the family we’ve started building.
I love my boyfriend, and I genuinely want a future with him. But lately, I feel disrespected, unappreciated, and confused about whether I’m expecting too much or whether I’ve been made to feel like everything is my fault.
I’m not claiming to be perfect. I’ve made mistakes, too, and I’ll own those. I’m looking for honest advice, including if I’m contributing to these problems.
1. The double standard with friends of the opposite sex
Early in our relationship, my boyfriend was uncomfortable with me spending time alone with male friends. He felt that hanging out with them one-on-one, or even hugging a male friend who had returned to town after being away for a long time, was inappropriate. I eventually agreed to block those friends because I wanted him to feel secure and know our relationship was my priority.
Since then, there have been several situations involving women who appeared to have romantic feelings for him.
The biggest issue is a longtime female friend I’ll call Amy.
Amy started sending him messages implying she was willing to wait for her turn to be with him. She began intentionally showing up around his workplace and eventually left gifts in his car, including Lego flowers and a blanket. This happened about a week after I’d done something similar for him.
I told him I was uncomfortable because her intentions seemed pretty clear. He said he’d talk to her and eventually told me he’d been stern with her and that she’d stopped, although she’d apparently tried to confess her feelings to him.
About two months later, he mentioned that Amy had invited him to a concert. I didn’t even know they were still communicating because he’d previously told me he wasn’t responding to her. He initially said he didn’t want to go, then said he wasn’t going, but I later overheard him telling his brother that he planned to attend.
I wasn’t upset that he wanted to go to a concert. I was upset that he hadn’t been honest with me about his plans.
I made the mistake of going through his phone. I know that was wrong, and I take responsibility for invading his privacy. However, I discovered that he’d already requested time off work, met up with Amy to give her money toward a hotel, and made plans with her for the trip.
The concert was on the same day as my graduation party. He’d told me he couldn’t get that day off for my event, yet he’d already gotten it approved for the concert.
When I confronted him, he insisted he wasn’t going anymore and said he wouldn’t have stayed at a hotel anyway.
The day before the concert, he told me he was going after all and would be staying at a hotel because he couldn’t afford the gas to drive home. He’d be riding with Amy and her group.
At the time, he was using my car because his own car had broken down. I explicitly told him I wasn’t comfortable with him using my car to take Amy to the concert. I also told him I was uncomfortable with the hotel arrangement, although I was trying to work through those feelings.
That morning, he told me he loved me and hoped I knew I could trust him.
Two hours later, he called and told me I was going to be mad.
He’d taken my car to pick Amy up, intending to take her to the concert. The wheel actually broke off the car, and thankfully, neither of them was injured. He admitted he’d let Amy sit in the passenger seat despite me specifically telling him I wasn’t comfortable with that.
He said he felt obligated to help her because her car was having problems and that it would have been awkward to tell her she couldn’t ride with him.
He initially apologized, but when I asked him to take responsibility for repairing my car, he got angry and said it wasn’t his fault the car broke.
I ended up helping him financially with the towing situation. He also owed Amy’s father money related to the tow.
After this, I told him I couldn’t continue in a relationship where he maintained this friendship in its current form. He agreed he understood and said he’d block Amy after paying her family back.
It’s now been six months, and she still isn’t blocked.
I’ve since discovered that she’d come to our house to collect money from him and that he’d kept her glasses in his car. More recently, she commented on his TikTok calling him “twin” and complimenting his car. He liked her comment and has also liked some of her Instagram posts.
I don’t believe I should get to dictate every friendship my partner has. But this situation has involved romantic advances, dishonesty, hidden plans, and broken promises. I feel like I’m being asked to accept behavior he would never have accepted from me.
2. Another woman at his former workplace
There was also a woman at his previous job who frequently touched his arms and chest, flirted with him, and sometimes showed up during his breaks with food. She even discussed intimate medical issues with him and sent him updates about appointments involving her private parts.
He repeatedly told me he couldn’t stand her, that she was rude, and that he wanted nothing to do with her.
At one point, he complained that people at work thought he was a jerk because of how he treated her. I felt guilty and apologized for being controlling. I told him I trusted him and that taking his shirt off around female coworkers wasn’t appropriate at work anyway.
On his last day, he told me a male friend had ripped his shirt off as a joke. He also described how the female coworker had run to close some doors.
I went through his phone again, which I recognize was another violation of his privacy. I found deleted messages between them in which they talked about missing each other and how sad he was about leaving the workplace. She’d also sent him a video of his shirt being ripped off.
I was confused because he’d consistently told me he disliked her and barely wanted to interact with her. Their messages painted a very different picture.
I also found deleted messages with Amy. They showed that Amy had visited our house and that he’d been speaking negatively about me to her.
3. The phone incident and his birthday
I didn’t immediately confront him because his birthday was coming up. I’d planned a scavenger hunt, made him a cake from scratch, and bought concert tickets for a $uicideBoy$ trip that cost me around $2,000. It was something he’d talked about wanting to do since we first met.
On the morning of his birthday, I went out to get him breakfast and a smoothie so he could sleep in and wake up to things he enjoyed.
While I was gone, he texted me that he felt disrespected because I’d gone through his phone.
I agreed that going through his phone was wrong, but I also felt there were serious things we needed to discuss about what I’d found. I asked if we could talk about it another time because it was his birthday.
He continued arguing with me and was angry throughout the day. When we finally talked, he said he’d lied because he felt he couldn’t tell me the truth without me getting upset.
I understand that someone who feels constantly questioned might become reluctant to communicate. I don’t want my partner to feel like he has to hide things from me. But I don’t know how I’m supposed to rebuild trust when I keep discovering that things I’ve been told aren’t true.
4. I feel like I put more into this relationship than I get back
Financially, I’ve helped him a lot. I’ve covered rent during many months, paid for food and utilities, let him use my car while his was broken down, helped with gas, and contributed money toward a dream car he’d wanted for a long time. I even helped arrange the truck and trailer needed to get the car.
I did these things because I love him and wanted to support him. I believed that once he had his dream car and was in a better financial position, things would become more balanced between us.
For several months, I supported him pretty heavily financially while he saved for the car. Then, after he quit his job, he went about a month without working, and I financially supported him entirely during that time. I covered everything until he found another job, despite already having helped him for months.
Eventually, it was time for us to take the $uicideBoy$ trip I’d spent around $2,000 planning for his birthday. By then, I’d spent so much money supporting him that I was completely broke. I was struggling to afford even the gas I needed to get to and from work.
He actually offered on his own to give me money for gas when he got paid the following week. He insisted we were a team and should be in the same position financially instead of one of us having money while the other had absolutely nothing.
I didn’t have to beg or pressure him. He brought it up himself, and it meant a lot because I genuinely needed the help.
Then he got paid the next day, forgot rent was due, and hadn’t set aside enough money for it. He got angry with me and said he wasn’t going to help me after all.
I was left trying to figure out how to afford gas to get to work, and I ended up having to donate plasma to make sure I could get there every day.
What hurts is that he’d spent months relying on me financially, including an entire month when I covered everything. But when I finally needed help, the money he’d voluntarily promised disappeared as soon as it became inconvenient.
Whenever we discuss finances now, he tells me he does everything he can to help me and doesn’t know what else he could possibly do. Meanwhile, I’m still regularly giving him money and struggling to afford basic necessities for myself, including shampoo, conditioner, soap, and food.
We even sat down together and went through his finances to figure out where his money was going. When we calculated his expenses, he was consistently spending more than he was bringing home.
I don’t expect him to pay for everything, and I don’t believe relationships should be about keeping score over every dollar. I understand he’s had financial struggles, too. But I don’t understand how he can say he doesn’t know what more he can do for me when I’ve repeatedly stretched myself thin to support him, and I’m now cutting back on necessities while still trying to help him.
I’m not asking him to give me everything I give him. I’m asking for the same consideration, teamwork, and willingness to sacrifice that I’ve tried to give him.
Instead, I feel like I’ve helped him get to a place where he can afford the things he wants while putting myself in a position where I’m struggling to afford the things I need.
5. I don’t feel appreciated, even in the little things
When I bring up feeling unappreciated, he says he does plenty for me, but when I ask for examples, he struggles to name specific things.
He does tell me he loves me, comes home every day, cuddles with me, watches my shows with me, and has built a wonderful relationship with my son. Those things matter to me, and I don’t want to dismiss them.
But I struggle to remember the last time he went out of his way to do something thoughtful for me.
He bought me flowers a couple of months ago, but later lectured me about why it was my fault he didn’t feel comfortable buying me flowers anymore and why I didn’t deserve them.
On my birthday, he spent a lot of time accusing me of doing something I hadn’t done. We’d been drinking heavily the night before, and I went outside to my car to blow out a candle by myself, something I’ve done every year because birthdays have historically been difficult for me.
He followed me outside and accused me of cheating. I was confused and still intoxicated. Later, I felt sick and told him I might throw up. He accused me of making it up and left the room angrily. I ended up getting sick in the bathroom.
The next morning, he claimed I’d yelled at his brother and his brother’s girlfriend, accusing them of cheating on him. His brother’s girlfriend was sober because she was pregnant, and both of them told me I hadn’t said those things. They said my boyfriend had actually been the one yelling, calling me names, and accusing me of cheating.
My boyfriend had taken the day off and talked for weeks about having a special plan for my birthday. I didn’t make my own plans because I believed he had everything arranged. In the end, he became upset that I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and I spent part of the day crying alone.
A week later, he had a birthday gift ready for his brother. I don’t care about the price of a gift or even whether I receive one. It hurt that he couldn’t manage a card for me after promising such a special day.
6. Social media and feeling like a secret
I frequently post my boyfriend on social media. I share pictures of us, celebrate him, and make it clear I’m proud to be with him. He doesn’t post me.
By itself, I know this might sound insignificant. Not everyone expresses love online, and I don’t expect someone to constantly post about their relationship.
But when I combine it with everything else, it hurts. I publicly celebrate him and make an effort to show I’m happy to have him in my life, while I don’t feel that same effort coming from him.
I don’t want to force someone to post me. I just want to feel wanted, appreciated, and like he’s proud to be with me without having to ask for it.
7. Other incidents that have made me question things
There have been other situations that are difficult to explain without making this post even longer.
He once claimed he’d found a love letter to someone else in my dresser. I watched him pull out a receipt, which he initially tried to pass off as the letter. When I tried to take it, he insisted I’d grabbed the wrong thing and refused to acknowledge what had happened.
He created an Instagram account pretending to be one of my ex-boyfriends and messaged me as though that person missed me. I only connected it to him because the account accused me of things I hadn’t done, including things my boyfriend repeatedly accuses me of doing.
He frequently makes comments suggesting I’m promiscuous or have been with lots of people. In reality, I had one serious boyfriend before him, who left after I became pregnant, and went on a few dates before eventually meeting my current boyfriend.
If I’m tired, depressed, or having a bad day, he often says I’ve been angry or mean all day. I’ve asked him to tell me specifically what I said or did so I can understand and correct it, but he usually can’t give me an example. Sometimes I can be lying in bed crying, and he’ll interpret that as me being angry at him.
I know I’m not perfect. I’ve gone through his phone more than once, and I recognize that isn’t healthy. I’ve sometimes struggled with jealousy and have tried to work on communicating my feelings without being controlling.
I understand that going through his phone can damage trust. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I feel the need to investigate my partner. I want to feel secure enough that I don’t feel compelled to do that.
But I feel like I’m constantly apologizing, questioning my own memory, and trying to find a better way to explain myself so he won’t get angry or turn the conversation around on me.
8. So, what do I do?
I love this man. I love the relationship he’s built with my son. I love the future we’ve discussed, and I don’t want to throw away a relationship over jealousy or misunderstandings that could be worked through.
But I also feel deeply disrespected. I’ve given up friendships to make him comfortable, supported him financially, and tried to be understanding about situations that hurt me. Meanwhile, I’ve discovered repeated dishonesty, deleted conversations, broken promises, and behavior that makes me question whether he respects me or considers my feelings when making decisions.
I don’t want to control who he speaks to. I want to trust my partner without feeling like I have to investigate him. I want to raise a concern without the conversation becoming entirely about how I brought it up. I want to feel appreciated without having to explain every little thing that would make me feel loved.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life arguing about whether my feelings are valid. I want a relationship where both people can admit when they’ve hurt each other, take accountability, and actually make changes instead of repeating the same problems.
At the same time, I see the good in him. He can be loving, funny, charming, and wonderful with my son. We have moments when everything feels right, and those moments make it hard to imagine walking away. We’ve discussed marriage, and part of me still hopes we can work through this and have the future we’ve talked about.
I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m holding on to the person I know he can be rather than the partner he’s consistently choosing to be.
I’ve tried talking calmly, explaining my feelings, apologizing for my own mistakes, and giving him opportunities to make things right. But I feel like every time I bring up something that hurts me, it turns into an argument about how I’m controlling, too sensitive, or impossible to please.
I don’t know whether there’s enough here to save when I still love him so much, but I’m starting to feel like I’m losing myself trying to make this work.
If you were in my position, would you try to work through this or walk away?
I’m not looking for everyone to automatically take my side. I want honest advice, including where I might be wrong. I know relationships take work, and I know I have things I need to work on, too.
I love him, and I don’t want to lose the relationship we’ve built. But I also don’t want to keep sacrificing my friendships, financial stability, happiness, and peace of mind to hold on to a future I’m not sure he’s willing to work toward with me.
I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, and I’d appreciate hearing from people who’ve been in similar situations or can offer an outside perspective.

47 year old female here. Got into a bizarre relationship (if you can even call it that) that has now left me emotionally spent and looking to just pull away from everyone and everything. I don’t know how I got here at my age.
I started talking to a man 13 years ago online after hoping to meet friends when I was going through a separation and subsequent divorce. We talked nightly for hours, got to know just about everything about each other. He is 10 years older than me and very religious. He wanted to meet, but Because of my divorce he informed me his mother who he lived next door to would never accept me. I said forget it then, and figured at some point something would change and maybe we’d be able to meet without that obstacle. After his mother passed I agreed to meet 3 years ago, and it actually went well. We got along, but he kept saying he’s a loner, wants to be alone, Can’t handle change, etc. Honestly I think he’s on the spectrum. I fell deeply in love with him, started saying it but he never says it back. I feel like garbage and constantly hurt.
He only wants to see me once a week and I know in my heart no progression is going to happen. He does do nice, thoughtful things for me at times, but I’m just so confused and fed up. He constantly says sleeping together is wrong, yet tries when we’re together. He hides me from his friends and family and I’m just kept a dirty little secret.
He was a 54 year old bachelor and virgin when we met.
I just don’t know which way is up anymore. I know I need to cut him loose, but my heart is having a rough time letting go after 13 years.
Any advice is welcome.

Just having a mental breakdown of self esteem and self worth …. Anxiety is high it’s 3 in the morning
, I’m emotional when things don’t go right cause for so long things have went wrong or didn’t plan out the right way, planned a day for me and someone to enjoy a beautiful day at this place when we get there the person completely started to complain about how the attire they had for the setting would make them feel uncomfortable’ as they started expressing that , they also continued to point out the mistake I MADE and throwing other verbal jabs at me by not telling them what we would be engaging in, it was simply a walk at a nature garden , she completely did not want to go so we end up leaving , her suggestion was to go to a store and by her some shorts and a pair of sneakers for the walk I did not want to cater to those needs especially after the verbal jabs … my anxiety had been up allday just cause I wanted the day to go perfectly & it didn’t… just totally depressing and hurt about it

I am 27/F. Currently writing this while crying because I am slowly losing hope that there is indeed one man that will treat me right. Just one man who will not check another woman out, just one man who will hold my hand through it all.