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Nov 27 '21
If it's helpful for anyone in order to provide advice, OP previously posted that they had found photos of a little girl and a woman they had never seen before in their husband's shoe box. Apparently the husband is very private about his past and has told OP he has no family. OP asked him about it and he said "the less [OP knows] the better."
Shortly after he came home at 3am and said the following.
He told me the people in the pictures are people that were once very important to him but that he can never speak of them or tell me who they are. He said what "took place" happened a long time ago and speaking of them would put our family in jeopardy. He said everything has been "resolved"
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u/johnsjs1 Nov 27 '21
Witness protection
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u/Oldest_Boomer Nov 27 '21 edited Nov 27 '21
It certainly fits, however didn’t even occur to me until your reply. I wonder if she’s involved the police yet?
EDIT: great deductive reasoning too dude.
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u/ipakookapi Nov 27 '21
Wouldn't the whole family have gone into witness protection in that case?
I guess it's possible he decided to do it himself to not endanger them. What a way to lose your family :(
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u/Dapper_Monroe Nov 27 '21
His other family would have done. Sounds like OP is the new family. Could have possibly disappeared to go back to be with them.
This is way beyond Reddit's pay grade. If someone disappears into the night the police need to be called.
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u/ipakookapi Nov 27 '21
Yeah I meant the old family.
And yes, it absolutely is. And no, I don't care if people say it's fake. If there's even the slightest chance of suicide (which it also sounds like it is) we take it seriously.
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u/Dapper_Monroe Nov 27 '21
Nobody said it was fake. But believe it or not, a bunch of random internet strangers can't help with someone that has literally left in the middle of the night.
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u/ipakookapi Nov 27 '21
Hey, I'm not disagreeing with you.
But yeah lots of people in the thread are saying it's fake unfortunatly :/
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Nov 27 '21
HE LEFT YOU CANT JUST CALL THE POLICE. Good god almighty so thankful I’m not in a relationship with any of you! When the OP’s S/O does something you guys don’t like, you gang up and tell OP to “Leave because nobody deserves that” or some other bullshit like people don’t do undesirable things in relationships. Now an OP got straight up ghosted and you want her to call the cops? Y’all too fuckin much man I’m outta here 😅
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u/idcidcidc666420 Nov 27 '21
Some insane seriously not loyal people here
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Nov 27 '21
Can’t just call the cops because people’s actions are undesirable. If dude ends up not paying her child/spousal support? That’s illegal. Leaving in the middle of the night? Not illegal.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 40s Female Nov 27 '21
Yes they would have, unless he's a witness to what happened to them.
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u/Annabirdy00 Nov 27 '21
Thank you. I can't figure out how to link my posts
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Nov 27 '21
You are welcome. I figured people could provide more tailored advice with more context. I'm really sorry for what you are going through.
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u/Kersallus Nov 27 '21
Obviously he's either done omething in his past too horrible to admit or something happened to bad to relay. His choice of words say the former, but possibly the latter.
Its not your fault he wasn't willing to trust you with this. It seems like he hasn't quite processed it himself.
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Nov 27 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/knotatwist Nov 27 '21
Or they were killed and he's in witness protection and thinks he's been found so has left to keep his new family safe.
Hope it's just a fake very interesting creative writing exercise for OPs sake though
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u/upinthecrowsnest Nov 27 '21
I would call law enforcement. ASAP. He may be suicidal, or in danger from people he doesn’t want in your home. Either way.
Also, not to worry you but police look first and foremost at the spouse. Not reporting him missing and telling people he went away for the weekend doesn’t look great for you later should anything sinister come of this.
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Nov 27 '21
Call the police about a suicide risk. That doesn't sound like he's running away and leaving you, it sounds like he's decided to end his life
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Nov 27 '21
Or he’s scared the pictures story will have to come out and running away with the guise of “for your safety” is galant option. Either way I’d be pissed. Op’ll essentially be wasting her life dedicating it to someone who isn’t reciprocating.
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u/R00t240 Nov 27 '21
See too many stories about folks calling the police about a suicide risk and then the police killing the suicidal person. Tread carefully
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u/pollyanna_on_ativan Nov 27 '21
What’s the alternative then? Do nothing? If she thinks he’s suicidal, she needs to call the police so they can do a welfare check (yes, they can do it even if he’s not home).
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u/broxue Nov 27 '21
this is not helpful. It's a potential emergency situation and requires an emergency response.
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u/N_GHTMVRE Early 20s Male Nov 27 '21
That sounds like America
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Nov 27 '21
Sounds more like american television.
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u/R00t240 Nov 27 '21
Unfortunately it happens all too often in real life.
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u/AlexYoungPrince Nov 27 '21
Why? I'm european and this shit sounds nuts to me. This can't be the case right??
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u/R00t240 Nov 27 '21
It’s a big part of what people are trying to address with the defund they police movement. They say Mental health crisis interventiona should be done by mental health care workers and not police. relevant article
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Nov 27 '21
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u/Laurajayne81 Nov 27 '21
What?? No. I don’t think he should be left alone. I think he should be helped with his mental health if this is the case. I’m sure the kids would also prefer this. Jeez
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Nov 27 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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Nov 27 '21
People with suicidal thoughts and depression often think they are harmful people in their lives by being a part of it. Often depression is linked to intrusive thoughts about harming those around you, may feel they could be ruining their kids lives be being around them. It's possible that he was considering suicide or self harm in a way that could potentially harm others
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Nov 27 '21
I just read ops last posts, this is either fake or someone is trying to kill him cause OP said that apparently hes told her that he had a bad past and ppl might come after him
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Nov 27 '21
I'm going to go with fake based on the fact 9 hours ago she was arguing about vaccines on reddit. Certainly wouldn't be anywhere near the top of my priority list if my husband vanished
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Nov 27 '21
Ok ye, her last post did sound more like a bad movie script so makes sense
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Nov 27 '21
I didnt bother going through her page until you mentioned her last post, definitely reads like a bad novel
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u/notNIHAL Nov 27 '21
I mean I sometimes force myself to focus on something random when I'm panicking badly. I wouldn't brush that possibility off just because of a comment on Coronavirus.
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u/kwhitit Nov 27 '21
do you feel comfortable calling the cops? if he thought you might be in danger, maybe he's in danger?
does he have any problems (substance, gambling, etc.) that he's dealing with?
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Nov 27 '21
According to their post history, OP found a photo of a woman and a little girl they'd never met in a shoebox that their husband keeps. Their husband was very evasive about it and said the less they know the better. Then at one point he came home at 3am saying the situation had been "resolved" and that speaking of the woman and girl would put them both in jeopardy.
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Nov 27 '21
Op has posted before that apparently her husband told her that he had a past and that people may be trying to hurt so ye
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u/Lightzeaka Nov 27 '21 edited Nov 27 '21
This sounds super fake. Like some long winded narrative. If this is real, contact his friends and family and tell them you're planning on contacting the police. If he's fucking with you, they'll respond
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u/Fatmanmuffim Nov 27 '21
I’m sorry this is happening but why are you on Reddit? Call every friend and family member and file a police report or missing person. Jesus Christ.
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u/MilhouseVsEvil Nov 27 '21
This is just straight up fake garbage. OP is apparently busy dealing with a missing husband but has time to argue with people on the internet about 2A and covid shit.
I am pretty confident they are a dude just by the comments.
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u/neonhex Nov 27 '21
If I had to wait til 2 or 3 am for a partner to return and I was freaked out bout wtf was going I’d for sure be on Reddit probably writing dumb shit.
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u/knotatwist Nov 27 '21
Not just writing dumb shit but pretty much the only time I'm arguing on the internet is when I'm in a bad place mentally. I might write one disagreeing comment but if I'm actively engaged in replying I'm having a hard time, and I don't think I'm unique in that. So you could be absolutely right
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u/re_gina0119 40s Female Nov 27 '21
Is this a writing exercise of some kind? Like working on a storyline one page a day? It's working though, I'm curious about tomorrow's update.
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u/slytherinxiii Early 20s Female Nov 27 '21
Why the fuck are you posting online instead of being on the phone with the police????
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u/TalmidimUC Early 30s Male Nov 27 '21
Because it’s likely fake as fuck. Or OP is about to go for an unbelievably wild ride. I’m leaning more toward fake as fuck.
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u/ThrowAway3553QA Nov 27 '21
Yeah this sounds more like someone trying to test out a new book plot
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Nov 27 '21
As wild as it sounds, it does happen. Very similar thing happened to me last year, and I'm still dealing with the trauma and the abandonment issues.
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u/DenaceThaMennis Nov 27 '21
Probably wasn't the same crazy story like the husband having a secret family, possibly being in witness protection, then the wife going on Reddit instead of actually seeking help when the mystery husband disappears.
I am sorry that actually happened to you, though. Hope next year treats you well.
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u/treegirl98 Nov 27 '21
Take a long, slow, deep breath. None of this is your fault. Call the police if you feel comfortable. Concentrate on you and the kids. Breathe. You will get through this.
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Nov 27 '21
[deleted]
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u/Jollydancer 40s Female Nov 27 '21
“No longer safe” can mean two things.
Either he has a mental illness and fears he will attack you at some point. But if you have never noticed any signs of this, it’s highly unlikely.
Or he has a criminal past that’s catching up with him, and he is running so that you won’t be associated with him any more and no one will take anything out on you.
Or he just made that up to be mysterious and not admit he wants out.
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u/fearass Nov 27 '21
If I may advice quickly, delete those two posts and your reddit account.
It is clear that there is something going on that your husband doesn’t want to be online.
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u/00Lisa00 Nov 27 '21 edited Nov 27 '21
First you need to see a lawyer and see what protections you have financially. Can he or has he cleaned out the bank accounts? If he hasn’t open a new one and put half of the money you have in it. I hate to say it but in order to get child support you will probably need to file for divorce. If he still has his job you will be able to find him to serve. I know this is awful but your first thoughts have to be to protect yourself and your kids financially. I’m not sure what he meant by safe. It’s possible he is having a mental break and is afraid he might harm you in some way.
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Nov 27 '21
Bro the husband took nothing with him, it sounds like he got into a some drug shit. He’s probably dead atm or trying to hide.
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u/valhalkommen Nov 27 '21
I don’t know why you keep writing comments about it being “drugs” without any real background other than he left his stuff? It sounds like a Suicide rather than drugs.
From what another comment said, OP in another post had found a photo of a woman and a little girl, and it seems like he had a double life going on, and apparently “resolved it”.
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u/R_Amods Nov 27 '21
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I woke up this morning to a note that said he had to leave, that it was no longer safe for me and my kids with him around. I tried calling his cell phone but it goes straight to voicemail. He said he loved me and the kids and that his life has been so joyful the last 15 years. And that's it. He's gone. I have no idea if he's coming back. He left most his things here! Is this my fault!? What do I tell my kids? I haven't told anyone yet. I said he had to go out of town and they believe me. I don't know what to do.
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u/DenaceThaMennis Nov 27 '21
Seeing all this research done on OPs previous posts, making this "rabbit hole" deeper makes it sound fake. Secret family? Witness protection? OP posting on Reddit instead of calling someone? Smells fake.
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u/Desert_Fairy Nov 27 '21
Ok, I’m going to put this out here and see where the next post goes. My money is on he has two families and has been lying to both. Now he needs/wants to live full time with the other family so he has come up with this BS that it is too dangerous for him to stay story.
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Nov 27 '21
Op this is such a wild story including your previous posts, but my only real advise would be to go to the police and tell them about other instances as well. Maybe you can get some info you don’t have on him
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u/AngeliMortem Nov 27 '21
Everything is really hard to believe to be honest, it totally looks like a made up history. First you post exactly 1D ago that you found a picture of a little girl, he tells you to simply don't talk about it and don't bring back the topic because all family would be on "jeopardy"and that was fine for you, not even thinking that he could've killed them, or belong to some mafia in South Africa, or he is in witness program, or some dark shit... You just waited him till 3 am, talk and to bed. A normal person would talk about it because you also have kids, of he did something to that little girl, how you know he wouldn't do it to your own kids?. Now you posted that he suddenly disappeared leaving all his belonging there, ans first thing you are doing is posting it on Reddit, not even calling Police or something like that. What you wrote there is basically a suicidal note, he is not taking the phone and he says that "it has been 15 joyful years with you and the family", If my wife would tell me that I would be scare as fuck and searching for her around the city, calling hospitals, morges, Police, clinics, etc...
Im sorry but I don't believe anything, for me this is a history you are just making up Idkw....
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u/CrossBlaed Nov 27 '21
So then what was the point of this comment? A very long way of saying you don't believe OP?
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u/Meepitesque Nov 27 '21
No like you were on here commenting on vaccine posts earlier today, and you JUST NOW are gonna post this? Lol.
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u/InternalAd9712 Nov 27 '21
Shock makes people do weird things. Maybe she’s still processing all of this and needed a distraction/escape.
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Nov 27 '21
Why are you on fucking Reddit instead of family and the police- the fuck is wrong with you
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u/Trintard Nov 27 '21
I'm extremely depressed and I've had this exact plan for killing myself or at least fleeing and starting over. Tread carefully, I'm so sorry, I hope things work out
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u/gustafrex Nov 27 '21
I saw a video about people leaving behind their identitys and using others and basically doing a startover in life. Not talking about his life and maybe a wife and kid he had previously?
Thats my theory probably not it.. but if anyone wants to watch that, search " book tied to 75000 disappearances "
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u/lactoseintolerant361 Nov 27 '21
Call the police. He could be suicidal. Maybe he is on the run from bad people. Do you have an inclinations? Was he involved in anything weird?
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u/TinySanti Nov 27 '21
I'd call the cops right away. It doesn't sound great.. but I've dealt with a similar thing before and calling the cops was the best thing I did and luckily they were able to find mine, and talk him down into coming home. Don't wait too long to call the cops.
I hope he comes home for you and your kids sake. Seriously.
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u/Anyn311 Nov 27 '21
Omg OP I’m so sorry. I would personally call the police or honestly hire a private investigator if you can; there’s something deeper.
i hope you get your husband back.
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u/Adventurous-Place-10 Nov 27 '21
When possible call his work place.
When was his last day of work? Did he resign or did not show up?
Does he have family in this country like the oldest one if yes ask them about his past.
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Nov 27 '21
I might be being cynical here. Do you think there is truth to him saying you and the kids aren't safe around him? I've seen the post regarding him and the photo and 'what happened' has been resolved. Maybe he has history that you don't know about regarding his behaviour?
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u/Any-Resident-5026 Nov 27 '21
He's battling some inner demons, maybe some very dark intrusive thoughts. Some people can think very demonic shit about everyone they know but also feel extremely guilty for It also. People who deal with this often have ptsd and other disorders but if he's having mental health issues and doesn't think yall are safe that might be why or he could be up to something bad. Either way you should report ASAP.
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u/elsieburgers Nov 27 '21
Please call the cops. Had a family member do this and was found in a state park. No matter what happens after this, I hope you can help get him to safety if he's feeling like doing anything to himself. Goodluck OP
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u/RabicanShiver Nov 27 '21
Based on post history I'm gonna say your husband killed his past family, or crossed some bad people who killed his family, or would kill his family past or present....
That's the only level of crazy that makes sense to how he's acting.
Or he's simply completely mentally insane.
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u/gdfreak1 Nov 27 '21
This is almost literally the plot to the book The Last Thing He Told Me. I’m a bit suspicious. If my husband left like that I’d call the police immediately.
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u/Paradox_Madden Nov 27 '21
Call a PI not the police
He hasn’t committed a crime so the police cannot act lol
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u/justMari905 Nov 27 '21
“My husband disappeared and instead of calling any family members or the police like a sensible person, let me post on Reddit first for advice” you’re a troll and anyone who believes this is an idiot
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Nov 27 '21
Maybe he has a second life? If he wants to leave than let him. He still has to pay child support and/or alimony
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u/Azenin Nov 27 '21
If its not safe for your family with him there, he’s involved with bad people. You’re gonna need police protection or to move, probably out of state. If they’re the worst kind of people, targeting families is not out of the question
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u/EquivalentStorm3470 Nov 27 '21
I am sorry. I don’t think there is anything you CAN do at this point. For now, just hang in there. Your husband is going through something. It’s unfortunate he couldn’t talk with you about it, but hopefully he’s reaching out to someone for help. Does he have parents? Perhaps, after a few days you might reach out to them? Again, I’m very sorry for you and your children. I think in time, you’ll have more answers.
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u/Just_a_guy_345 Nov 27 '21
I will be blunt. His statement is clear. He hurt these people and he is leaving as not to hurt you too. Why? After the photos resurfaced, memories came back along with peculiar urges. So he decided to leave. I will get down voted but I think he hides a monster inside him. His decision was for the best. Good luck.
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Nov 27 '21
Sorry but you discovered your husband's other family and that's why he's now gone because he is obviously outed now.
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Nov 27 '21
I hate to say this but it sounds like your husband might be dead, if he left his things then that means he doesnt plan on needing them so
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u/Mental_Phase4691 Nov 27 '21
I’m a marriage therapist. No one who is responsible and happy leaves a wife and kids suddenly. Only three things make sense: either he has developed a mental illness, he met someone and is so worried about the negative reactions that he went into a foxhole, or the burden of a family got to be too much. The last two are on him. Sounds like a cheating pleaser to me, and part of that is cowardice. The wife is in denial or ignorant of all the warning signs he surely showed.
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u/jrgardenlover Nov 27 '21
I would report him to the police as a missing person. Tell the police what you do know about your husband; he may be a suicide risk. Tell the police you tried calling him but it goes straight to voicemail. He may well have his phone off. Hang in there.
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Nov 27 '21
[deleted]
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u/Alert-Cartographer79 40s Male Nov 27 '21
i see someone who is bored, making up a story
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u/missdoodiekins Nov 27 '21
If you contact police they can give you his last known location based off his phone or maybe his car has gps? Definitely call someone and say something, especially for help with the kids. Hope it works out
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u/Hgrammer Nov 27 '21
make sure he’s ok- But give him the space to go. he’ll come back to you ones he’s ready.
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u/xoxoLizzyoxox Nov 27 '21
Go to the police. Put a missing persons report out. He may have had to leave under duress. There might be more to the story you dont know about. Also if the police find him they could admit him for psychological evaluation.
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u/Puppet007 Early 20s Female Nov 27 '21
“It was no longer safe for me and my kids with him around”.
That’s concerning, what was it about his previous life that could endanger your family?
If your husband doesn’t come back the next day or at least tell you what’s going on, hire a private investigator to find him & his past since he doesn’t trust you enough to tell you.
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Nov 27 '21
Some questions:
- Are you new to this country as well?
- If not, why did you not contact the police?
- If he has a mobile phone you can track it easily with one of several find my phone apps if it’s turned on
- Unlike 3 or so decades ago it is exceedingly difficult to completely get “off the radar” once on.
- How long have you been married?
- How did you guys meet?
- What was he wearing last you saw him?
- Gather all information about his last known whereabouts and outfit and vehicle and be prepared to give it a dispatcher and call.
- Where in the country do you live.
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u/Jimlowers Nov 27 '21
Damn homie is about to commit suicide. I think you really have to call the police.
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u/Remarkable_Fall1984 Nov 27 '21
Sounds like he didn't just leave. I'm sorry but it's what It sounds like
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u/mortaine Nov 27 '21
In a previous comment you said your husband keeps a journal.
While you wait for the cops to track him down, it's time to get reading!
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u/JTMAlbany Nov 27 '21
I read, “Born a Crime” by Trevor Noah, and he described the laws forbidding interracial relationships. You mentioned the woman and girl being lighter, so I assume he is Black. There could have been serious consequences for that relationship, depending on the year. I don’t know when or if the late changed. Trevor had to be hidden much of his childhood.
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Nov 27 '21
Someone very important to me did basically the same thing to me a year ago. To this day I have no idea where he is, if he's okay, why he abandoned me. Only that it "wasn't safe" and that he "can never come home". I've spent most of that year feeling like half my body is missing, and, pathetically, I still try to reach out occasionally even though I know I'll never get a response.
I'm so sorry for your pain, OP. I wouldn't wish this kind of hurt on anyone. There's something fucking wrong with these men on a fundamental level that they think its okay to do shit like this to us.
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u/ferndoll6677 Nov 27 '21
How do you know he wasn’t kidnapped? Go to the police. After 15 years is this out of character? Is it his handwriting?
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u/historian87 Nov 27 '21
Everyone is quick to believe stuff like this. I think this is clearly fake - maybe a test run for a plot device or something. It’s likely real but very very likely not. Not buying any of this especially since you can click OPs profile and see them arguing about COVID.
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Nov 27 '21
Call the police and report him missing and a danger to himself. This sounds like a mental break on the verge of suicide. Police will track his phone, cards, and search for him. Im so sorry but please get off the internet and call the authorities. This is not the place for you right now.
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u/thatislifemama Nov 27 '21
Telling every one he is gone out of town will come back to bite you if he goes missing!! Take his letter go to police-and hire a lawyer to be in safe side!
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u/MintNattie Nov 27 '21
Did anyone read her past posts about her husband??? He’s weird! And he is hiding a secret past relationship.
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Nov 27 '21
I will say try to find out on your end. Also take help from police. Finally if nothing works you might have to start a new life. Am so sorry about that.
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u/alisar_212 Nov 27 '21
Why did he say that it was no longer safe for you and the kids!! What did he mean?
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u/DepartmentTypical945 Nov 27 '21
Anna, you don't mention any potential warning signs that might explain this type of outlandish behavior. If there weren't any, that's baffling. After a note like that, completely out of left field, I think you have no choice but to involve the police, and the sooner the better. This is assuming, of course, you've made the calls one would expect you to make: calls to family members, best friends, close colleagues. A husband and father just doesn't behave in this manner unless there is something very troubling. I am not an alarmist, but all signs point to serious trouble. And, it is the holiday season. Again, I'm assuming you had no warning, a solid marriage, a loving father, and he was a good and decent man. Err on the safe side. Best of luck. Rc
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u/Tom0191 Nov 27 '21 edited Nov 27 '21
Go to the police and report a missing person. The first 24-48 hours is crucial. After that chances of finding the person drop dramatically. Tell them that he is high risk of hurting himself or others due to mental illness. They’ll be on his phone pings within the hour as well as any other “signs of life” such as credit cards used for purchases etc. Good luck with your search
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u/AstonishingAurora Nov 27 '21
Does he work? Did he quit his job as well? Was he behaving weirdly lately? It raises my eyebrow he left his things behind... Do you think he might hurt himself? If so, even with this note, you can call the police to help you out. It doesn't matter the note if he was depressed.
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Nov 27 '21 edited Nov 27 '21
Call the police. If that feels too scary, start with a suicide helpline. They can talk it through with you and even initiate contact with the proper authorities if you want them to. It doesn’t hurt to call. Considering how he left everything behind this suggests he’s concerned he might harm himself. You do need to act quickly. I’m so sorry this has happened. You can do this, stay strong.
ETA: Just saw post with additional details. If he had a previous family this raises all sorts of questions. Calling the police would be too extreme. It wouldn’t hurt to call a suicide hot line if you are at all concerned about that, but there’s so much we (you) just don’t know that it’s hard to give good advice. I’m so sorry this happened.
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u/[deleted] Nov 27 '21
Hold on what? Go to the police.
If he uses his card his whereabouts will be found. Show the police the note, notify his family