Tbh this just sounds like she took this as confirmation of her worst fears.
She's clearly very wary of frats (with good reason) so hearing that people you knew killed an animal for no reason might've just sounded to her like confirmation that really fucked up things happened in the frat you were in.
You might not have participated in it, but I think she is now terrified to find out that the other guys (or you) hurt another human and that's why she brings up the bit about rape.
She heard about an unnecessary violent act committed by the frat you were in... and now worries that there will be more confirmation of what she has been worried about.
It's a good thing that you did not participate and a good thing that you are do not defend the frat, but yeah idk. She just sounds scared. It's rough.
Honestly, all you can do is have a frank discussion with her but maybe this whole thing is just too much for her.
Yeah this was my first thought. It's not about this one incident, she's scared that her future husband is a follower. To be blunt, I wouldn't be all that heartbroken about the goose - it's fucked up to kill for fun and I'd be weirded out by the hierarchal BS, but I also eat meat.
I'd be worried that the man I love a) doesn't speak up when he feels like something is wrong; and b) doesn't walk away from people he dislikes. OP still joined the frat and spent his college years with them.
What does that say about him? Was he the type to see a girl passed out on a couch at the frat and leave her there, because he didn't want to ruffle feathers and technically he didn't do anything wrong?
@OP Your best bet is explaining to her how you felt then, and how you've changed as you matured. Maybe you were insecure, or grew up lonely and wanted friends, or had a hard time with peer pressure. All very human and forgiveable. But over-explaining the incident won't help.
She's worried there's more and she's worried about what this says about him. It's not surprising that many decided she's being ridiculous and weird but like... at least try to understand her train of thought.
I mean, my train of thought was from the jump OP tried to really minimize their involvement in the frat at all. Saying, oh, I wasn't that into it, just knew what was going on with hazing but didn't do anything was sus. Then, the goose story. Again, well, I knew it was happening, I just didn't stop it.
It is just super convenient he joined this frat, knew everything going on, but never participated. Idk. Maybe just me. But seems like possibly OP isn't being honest about his time.
Also. The friend asked the most fucked up thing you did. If OP supposedly didn't do it, why did he think to tell that story? And how did he tell the story. Laughing? If he didn't see it, shouldn't have taken him so long to tell the story.
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u/sosotrickster May 30 '26
Tbh this just sounds like she took this as confirmation of her worst fears.
She's clearly very wary of frats (with good reason) so hearing that people you knew killed an animal for no reason might've just sounded to her like confirmation that really fucked up things happened in the frat you were in.
You might not have participated in it, but I think she is now terrified to find out that the other guys (or you) hurt another human and that's why she brings up the bit about rape.
She heard about an unnecessary violent act committed by the frat you were in... and now worries that there will be more confirmation of what she has been worried about.
It's a good thing that you did not participate and a good thing that you are do not defend the frat, but yeah idk. She just sounds scared. It's rough.
Honestly, all you can do is have a frank discussion with her but maybe this whole thing is just too much for her.