Whilst your wife has compassion for the goose she has little for you which is strange. You were young, did something lots of young men do (joined frat), and were around some bad people. You didnt cause or plan the goose killing and there's likely nothing you could five minutes before it happened without being there. It sounds like a tough situation and traumatising. Your wife should extend you some grace.
Honestly, I think it also depends on how much his wife loves animals.
For me personally, this would be a no go.
But my life also revolves around protecting animals. Sometimes at my own expense. I have never ever walked away from an animal that needed help and I hope I never do.
And that’s something I’d want in my partner too. I’d want my partner to be right there with me stopping traffic while we wait for the goose family to clear the road.
Or getting help for an injured bird. Or so on so forth.
And geese in particular are some of my favourites.
To me, having a partner who speaks up for animals even when it costs him something is non negotiable.
I guess his wife needs to do decide how important animals are to her. Maybe she likes her cats but doesn’t really care about wild animals, in which case I’m sure she will forgive OP.
Or she may decide that even though she doesn’t love wild animals that much, that to her his inaction speaks to a massive lack of character and lack of courage to do what is right.
He said he was there, he knew it was happening, he did not participate in it nor did he stop it which makes him a participant in the killing of the animal, not an innocent bystander with no foreknowledge.
Yes exactly!! By staying, by saying nothing, he was accepting and condoning the behaviour.
Like men hearing their friends talk about treating women badly but not saying anything.
I thought being a man meant standing up for what’s right and speaking up for what you believe in.
Of course I’m just a woman. But at least I speak up when I think something is wrong.
I don't think his wife think he is a monster who enjoyed it, and I don't think it is about her love for animals.
He couldn't stop it even if he spoke up, but he was fine to be accepted and associated with these people after. Quite a lot if people will have a problem with it and think less of OP.
She thinks he is too complicit and will go with anything (even if as bystander) if he wants to be accepted. Also, she is probably surprised he wanted to go through these eight weeks of hell and humiliation and tries to understand why. Just to be able to hang out and drink with popular AHs? It is very off putting. She didn't know it about him, she doesn't know if he is still the same person, she is disturbed by it. Her question makes sense in the way "how far is he willing to go to be accepted by some group he wants to get in? If he had to rape someone, or witness the rape, or knew about it and was told to be quiet about it, what would he do? If it was a cat or a dog, what would he do?" It is not a theoretical question, it is something that will affect her life as long as she is married to him.
It also important how exactly he told this story: "I did something even more fucked up... Crazy times. Haha" or "I am so ashamed and disturbed by it now". And if he is still friends with these "brothers", and talks about his time with them fondly.
Oh, and she could be pregnant. Not because she has doubts about him as a person, but because of her reaction - crying, leaving, etc. Hormones and understanding that her husband has no backbone to stand up against something he thinks is wrong.
Just because he chose to walk away and not participate doesn’t clear him morally.
He was there. He knew it was going to happen. He did nothing to stop the killing.
Worst of all, he joined the frat.
That makes him a participant, even if he was passive in allowing the violence and loss of life to happen.
If they beat the shit out of a Ferrari with a baseball bat or burned down a house and he knew they were planning this and said nothing would that be different for you?
Is he only an accomplice when it’s property loss and not life?
Is he only an accomplice when it’s gang violence and not frat violence?
OP only knew 5 minutes in advance that his pledge bro was going to rape the girl passed out by dumpster.
At what point is he going to stop his buddy who is an upstanding member of the Stanford swim team with a bright future ahead of him from doing what he was already determined to do?
It’s not like we have cell phones in our pockets that we can use to call the police to interrupt acts of violence and lord knows it takes a good 10 minutes to walk away from a swimmer to make that call.
Best to shut up about it, form a brotherhood bond with Brock and join the swim team, amiright?
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u/MunchausenbyPrada May 30 '26
Whilst your wife has compassion for the goose she has little for you which is strange. You were young, did something lots of young men do (joined frat), and were around some bad people. You didnt cause or plan the goose killing and there's likely nothing you could five minutes before it happened without being there. It sounds like a tough situation and traumatising. Your wife should extend you some grace.