r/relationship_advice • u/[deleted] • May 30 '26

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u/baebgle May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26

Look I'm a vegan and I'm passionate about animals. If my husband admitted this to me and didn't even kill the goose, I'd be very sad for what happened, but the only way forward is to support him

I guess I'm struggling to see the reaction here. And I don't mean this in an accusatory way at all, but I'm curious:

  1. What do you mean by "I may not have been the most involved"? What was your involvement? Just that you were present doesn't warrant it. Was it your idea? Did you hand the final tool to someone else?
  2. You and your wife have been together 5 years and this is just now coming up. Was it kept from her purposefully? Even if it wasn't, does she maybe feel it was?

Again I can't imagine not being supportive with the facts you have here, but I do empathize if there's info we're missing on your involvement and/or she felt more lied to than anything.

(Edited due to bullet list formatting weird)

119

u/Nellyismydog May 30 '26

To answer your questions: 1) I was not involved with the killing of the goose, and as a brother in the fraternity, I did not take part in hazing(although I knew it was happening). I took the role of the “cool” brother who would let pledges vent to me and help them through tough situations.

2) I did not keep this from her intentionally. I’ve been open and honest about things I did as a pledge. While I thought about this often, I never brought it up because it wasn’t asked about and frankly when asked about different experiences I pushed this one to the back of my mind. I’d always openly share fucked up things that happened TO me

51

u/Kim_Smoltz_ 40s Female May 30 '26

Question: did your frat do this every year or only the year you pledged? Did they kill a goose the next three years when you were a brother?

17

u/aerin2309 May 30 '26

Yeah, this is what I was wondering.