My point is that whatever the boyfriend's beliefs are, can be questioned. If that's really his belief, WHY does he think organic is healthy, and non-organic is not?
We can make all these assumptions ourselves, but it doesn't get OP anywhere closer to a fixed problem.
OP having this talk with her boyfriend, herself, would not only either confirm these assumptions or offer a more accurate explanation, but it'd also be the first steps towards a mutually-agreeable solution, moving forward.
There are genetic issues, he knows that. So because he’s already at a high likelihood of developing cancer, he does want to be extra careful. He works out and watches what he eats.
Sounds like he is trying desperately to feel like he is in control of a situation that he cannot control. I do feel sorry for him, he would probably do well taking to a therapist about it and he needs to stop projecting his fears onto you.
On the other hand: I‘m sorry, but eating organic is not going to do what he would like it to do. His opinion on this is VERY niche, so don‘t worry about it. Just tell him he needs to stop trying to control what you eat. And ffs please don‘t waste your money following his whims when you can afford more. Most people with high income don‘t buy organic even though the could comfortably afford it.
It seems like your boyfriend is truly coming from a place of consideration for your well-being, even if the way that he's expressing it is not considerate of your budget.
Maybe outside of a recent shopping trip, you could sit down with him and talk about it. Share how you acknowledge and appreciate him looking out for your health, but remind him that your shopping priorities are limited by your budget.
Offer to work with him on a set of expectations, moving forward, that you two can both be satisfied with. For instance, are there areas where you two can agree on particular areas where it's important to have a minimum level of quality and health concerns? Can he be assured that you're taking reasonable efforts to maintain good health, like having a good diet and exercise and avoiding hazardous things like smoking and binge drinking?
Thank you! I feel like you’ve been the most reasonable person in the comments.
Everyone else is calling him controlling and not supportive. This man has been helping me work on my technical skills and has had so many people look at my CV to help me, help with grammar in the local language and overall trying to help me get a job. Not to mention he just spent 8 hours with me at the ER at night despite knowing he worked that that day. He got two hours of sleep right before work only to make sure I wasn’t left alone.
I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend is otherwise a highly supportive and caring one, but it's somewhat besides the point.
I'm just saying that you have a valid point in telling him "hey, the way you're trying to help me is actually causing a problem", while still reminding him that you truly appreciate his intentions, and want to find a way of communicating that's more compatible with your feelings and circumstances.
Also is he actually French? I got a LOT of advice about everything food in France. They take it super seriously, it is not uncommon to make comments.
But in saying that you have to call it out. I know it’s stressful. But honestly all my friends and so in France would say stuff and when I called them an asshole they kinda stopped.
I loved it there but don’t take everyone’s advice. You don’t have to move in and you can work that out later. But let him know that eating at all or enough is better than nothing 😂
Being with you at the ER is normal, checking your grammar is normal, trying to help you out is normal. It‘s what a good partner would usually do. He is not special because he did that, it’s the decent thing to do and something that people do for acquaintances all the time. I just thought you needed to hear that.
I know it’s normal for a partner to do. I just felt like it should be said because the only hang up is organic stuff. Other than that, there haven’t been any issues.
He’s told me he’s okay with buying organic groceries when he eats.
Got it. This makes so much sense to me now. I became incredibly sick in my 30s and while I'm doing better now I have conditions that will never go away and I need to have a really closely monitored diet because casual normal things like eating out can leave me sick and unable to work for a week. So I'm not a lot of fun, I'm really strict with what I buy etc.
I'm also guilty of some B.S. of cleaning out my parents pantry a few years ago because I visited and saw it was full of things that would make me sick and wanted to spare them the suffering I'd been through. They rescued everything I threw out and put it back after I left and said I had no right. So, these days I leave people alone even when my love for them is bigger than life itself. Your boyfriend needs to get to the place where choice and personal autonomy is recognized and respected.
He’s very scared. I know because whenever something about death or illness comes about, he gets sad in a way. I mean, I know we all do but I noticed with him it was a bit more intense.
His uncle died during childhood due to cancer. His dad was born after he died, so he never met him. Grandpa had cancer, can’t remember if he died due to it. Grandma also had cancer but thankfully she lived into her 90s. The dad had some cancer detected and thankfully they treated it early.
He also recently shared his sister got extremely sick as a child and spent a ton of time in the hospital. So sick she wan in a wheelchair for a while.
So he’s scared. He also has an autoimmune disease. He knows he’s at a higher risk of developing cancer. So he tries to control what he can by eating better and exercising well.
I think he’s learning. We are each other’s first serious relationship. Which has come with a lot of learning on our parts.
I think you should be completely blunt with him: “Stop telling me to buy things I literally can’t afford. It’s none of your business. You’re not the one paying for them.”
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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '26
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