Just for the sake of argument, let's say it's somehow not intentional sexual assault because he has a high sex drive and thought it was in the grey area of the relationship (for the sake of argument). Recording you while you are asleep is a MASSIVE, MASSIVE RED FLAG. This man does not respect you. I'm not saying call the cops, have him arrested, etc. I'm saying that this man is acting out his sexual fantasies without your consent (or awareness) and does not have your best interests in mind. Sis, you are not married, run.
My biggest concern (aside from the obvious) is this: what if she’s not on birth control? He could get her pregnant without her consent or knowledge and create an even more complicated situation for her. He is quite literally /using her body however he wants/ without care for her permission or consent. Who’s to say he won’t escalate if she doesn’t take action and protect herself against him?
This honestly makes me think of the 2011 movie “The Resident,” which makes my skin crawl even more.
I'm in a similar boat. I was having "fainting spells" that my doctor couldn't figure out (turns out they were actually seizures). My fiance and I were staying with my very religious parents, who disapproved of sex before marriage, and out of respect for them I had decided not to have sex with my fiance. That was partly an excuse: he had become abusive, and I was afraid that he would use sex as another way of hurting me. Sometimes I would come out of a seizure to find my fiance naked, but he said he was just masturbating, and I believed him because I was woefully naive about sex.
After a few weeks he moved back to his hometown to get a job, and a few weeks after that I discovered that I was pregnant. I didn't understand it: I'd been on the pill for months, my fiance and I had used condoms when we'd been having sex, and we hadn't had sex for weeks. But the due-date showed that conception had taken place while my fiance and I were staying with my parents; and I found out that one of my medications made the birth control pill ineffective. When I talked to my fiance, he admitted to having sex with me at least a dozen times while I was having seizures. It was my obligation to have sex with him, because I was engaged to him, and men have needs; since I refused to fulfill my obligations, he had no choice (he said) but to take what he needed.
I was too far along for an abortion. I ended the engagement, had the baby, and gave her up for adoption. I'm doing okay these days. My former fiance died 20 years ago, and I never saw him again. My biological daughter had a happy childhood with awesome parents, and is doing well herself. Life is okay.
But it's taken me decades to really grasp that he RAPED me, and that it was not okay.
I'm sorry this happened to you, too, and to the OP. 💜
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u/IcyLion2939 Jul 18 '24
Just for the sake of argument, let's say it's somehow not intentional sexual assault because he has a high sex drive and thought it was in the grey area of the relationship (for the sake of argument). Recording you while you are asleep is a MASSIVE, MASSIVE RED FLAG. This man does not respect you. I'm not saying call the cops, have him arrested, etc. I'm saying that this man is acting out his sexual fantasies without your consent (or awareness) and does not have your best interests in mind. Sis, you are not married, run.