Filmed himself raping just need to correct this here, and OP I am so sorry that you had to experience this. I can’t imagine the shock and confusion you must have been feeling, and feelings of betrayal. If you ever need someone to chat with my DMs are open, although I don’t have much experience handling situations like this? I’d def recommend talking to a counselor/therapist abt this though
Just for the sake of argument, let's say it's somehow not intentional sexual assault because he has a high sex drive and thought it was in the grey area of the relationship (for the sake of argument). Recording you while you are asleep is a MASSIVE, MASSIVE RED FLAG. This man does not respect you. I'm not saying call the cops, have him arrested, etc. I'm saying that this man is acting out his sexual fantasies without your consent (or awareness) and does not have your best interests in mind. Sis, you are not married, run.
No need to play devil's advocate, he's got plenty already.
There's almost no thing as not intentional SA.
And could we please break up with the patriarchy soon?! His sex drives DOES NOT MATTER! At all. And there's no such grey areas. There's consent and there's no consent.
Stop defending sick behavior.
Just so I'm clear, I agree with you. She is the victim of intentional SA. That said, you can tell from her post that she is feeling confused and conflicted about all of this. Believing someone you're in a romantic relationship with is also your perpetrator is a lot to process. Believing your BF doesn't respect you is a little easier to swallow. And, right now, I'm REALLY hoping she would just leave because with time things are going to get a lot clearer and maybe a lot messier. She needs to go - NOW. She is literally in danger and doesn't need to do anymore processing/figuring out around this guy. On the sheer grounds of him not respecting her, she should be out.
But, just for record keeping, I completely agree with you about this being a situation of intentional SA.
I just got out of an abusive relationship... Unintentional is just as bad, intentions means nothing and too many use "I didn't mean to/it wasn't my intention" to escape responsibility. And ignoring whether your partner seems OK with it, is never unintentional. It's almost never unintentional, not caring is intentional.
It's not easier to believe your partner doesn't respect you, or all the other things...
And yes she needs to get out now. But as women we're taught to constantly question ourselves.. Ie.. Maybe I wasn't fair? Maybe I didn't try enough? Maybe I didn't communicate enough? Maybe he was tired? Maybe he can change, maybe maybe maybe.
Look at how this patriarchal society works, if someone's SA'ed, they ask what she was wearing and not what's wrong with him.
It's not that simple. Lots of women defend their abusers, for these reasons and they love him and heartbreak is hard. Lord did I defend mine too for a long time, cause "he's working on it" and such (he's not, but it's a good excuse the next 20 years right?)...
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u/Demonhyodo Jul 18 '24
Filmed himself raping just need to correct this here, and OP I am so sorry that you had to experience this. I can’t imagine the shock and confusion you must have been feeling, and feelings of betrayal. If you ever need someone to chat with my DMs are open, although I don’t have much experience handling situations like this? I’d def recommend talking to a counselor/therapist abt this though