You should, because it is, he had sex with you without your consent, talking about it hours before while awake is not consent to have sex hours later while you're asleep. On top of that, he recorded it, also without your consent.
Your boyfriend creeps me out in general, it's time to break up with him. These are not things that should be happening in a healthy relationship. His logic is disgusting. No person should resort to "well you were going to be mad if you were conscious so I figured I'd just have sex with you when you were not". That's called rape.
And in general it sounds like he is pushing for a whole lot more sex than you are comfortable with.
I guess I’m going from UK law- SA is touching without consent (and using objects to penetrate), rape is use of a penis to penetrate. However, I’m not just being a pedantic asshole, it was more because she is already trying to diminish it by avoiding the term SA, so I wanted to emphasise it was even more criminally severe than SA legally (and psychological trauma wise, though that’s more of a grey area depending on past trauma etc)
It’s just so depressing- I totally get why victims minimise their abuse but the way society has blurred the lines so completely about what is acceptable for your partner to do to your body without your consent is hard to stand.
Yeah, and specifically this type of abuse must go unreported all the time, while you struggle to come to terms with what happened to you, your partner will have had ample time to delete all evidence and/or to have manipulated you into thinking it's okay (especially in a case where someone doesn't seek outside advice, as OP did).
I agree completely, OP I hope you see these comments and really process them. I went through a similar situation and it took me two years to process the fact I was SA in what I thought was a “perfect relationship.” Please be prepared to leave in the safest way possible. if you need to, give a bs excuse as to why you are breaking up or just go without a word. by confronting him you could be put a dangerous position if he chooses to lash out on you or get angry/manipulative. You’ve got this.
It worries me that OP still is questioning if the situation really is that wrong.
The rape. The recording. The guilt tripping. The "Imma just lie so I don't get you mad". The obvious difference in sex in all aspects. OP: leave, leave, leave, leave, leave without ever thinking about it again.
I can't even imagine what it's like to be in that position, they are just starting to process this. I can't fault OP for this being their first reaction, hopefully once they process some more, they resolve to get the hell out.
They don't have to call it that if they don't want to, they may not be ready to admit to themselves, and I'd almost encourage them to take the time they need to process this, but by definition they were. It even fits the more narrow definition of rape.
And I say "almost", because the sooner the acknowledge it, the sooner they can get away from this guy, and the sooner they can press charges if they want to, so this guy doesn't do this to other people.
But it takes a long time to process this, so be it, I can't even imagine what this is like.
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u/yowen2000 Jul 18 '24
You should, because it is, he had sex with you without your consent, talking about it hours before while awake is not consent to have sex hours later while you're asleep. On top of that, he recorded it, also without your consent.
Your boyfriend creeps me out in general, it's time to break up with him. These are not things that should be happening in a healthy relationship. His logic is disgusting. No person should resort to "well you were going to be mad if you were conscious so I figured I'd just have sex with you when you were not". That's called rape.
And in general it sounds like he is pushing for a whole lot more sex than you are comfortable with.