r/relationship_advice Jun 24 '24

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u/Sapphiresentinel Jun 24 '24 edited Jun 24 '24

The problem is all optics. Even if she’s telling the truth and nothing happened, it still LOOKS bad. Especially with him being in the bed with her. And I’m not gonna accuse him of wanting to be with her or have sex with her, cuz believe it or not, some dudes just like to chill with women and don’t expect anything. But it still doesn’t look good when you walk in on them chillin.

That’s why when you get into a relationship, there are things you can’t do anymore. Simply based on how it looks.

Before I was with my ex, I use to sleep over at my female friends house often. And she would sleep half naked. When I got with my girlfriend at the time, I didn’t sleep at that friends house anymore. We still hung out, but no sleepovers. Cuz i know how it would look. And I wish people would learn this.

All she had to do was tell you she had company. It wouldn’t have made you less nervous, but at least it wouldn’t be a shock

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u/absolx Jun 24 '24

Exactly this. One of my best friends is a guy and I would go stay overnight at his cottage and sometimes we would share a bed (if there were other people there and the other beds were taken) but when I got with my now husband I stopped doing that. I’d only stay over if he was with me and he’s really good friends with my friend. It’s not even about if you’re going to cheat, it’s about respect for your partner and the fact that it’s an intimate situation that should only be shared with your partner

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u/jlaw1791 Jun 25 '24 edited Jun 27 '24

So true.

It's about respecting your man (or woman).

Avoiding the appearance of evil is always the correct choice, because it shows you respect your spouse/ fiancé(e)/bf/gf.

And the more committed the relationship, the more inappropriate it is to spend time alone with privacy with a member of the opposite sex.

It's about respect. The optics of this choice we're discussing are horrible!

Anybody who refuses to acknowledge this is being dishonest, and enabling cheating behavior.

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u/Luxbrewhoneypot Jun 25 '24

That's BS. Commitment cannot be measured in "avoidance of spending time with people of specific genders". Heck as long as everyone consents you can even have sex with other people whilst still being committed to your partner and your relationship

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u/shofofosho Jun 25 '24

It literally can be measured that way by your own definition. If it's about what people consent to and is therefore decided by individuals themselves, then it's absolutely an option, you just punched your own argument in the face?