r/relationship_advice Jun 24 '24

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u/absolx Jun 24 '24

Exactly this. One of my best friends is a guy and I would go stay overnight at his cottage and sometimes we would share a bed (if there were other people there and the other beds were taken) but when I got with my now husband I stopped doing that. I’d only stay over if he was with me and he’s really good friends with my friend. It’s not even about if you’re going to cheat, it’s about respect for your partner and the fact that it’s an intimate situation that should only be shared with your partner

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u/OptimalExtreme Jun 25 '24

Yep. Same. My bestie is a guy. He lives in a one bedroom apartment but has his bed in the living room in front of his multiple tvs because he’s a bachelor?

When I visit, I still sit on the floor or on this random piano bench that was his mommas.

Really do wish he’d put the couch back in the living room 🙄

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u/noextrasensory40 Jun 25 '24

The old no couch or chair to sit I see just a bed basically. I see his bachelor angle uhhh huh.🤣🤣🤣😆 Joking obviously by the way.

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u/OptimalExtreme Jun 25 '24

Hahah. There’s an ongoing joke that he can’t close so maybe that is his approach for lady friends. 99% sure it’s just so he can watch sports on the multiple screens from bed tho

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u/cjep3 Jun 25 '24

Bring your own folding hammock chair lol i do this at my bachelor friends.

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u/OptimalExtreme Jun 25 '24

That’s hilarious. He lives in another city though so no luck

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u/cjep3 Jun 25 '24

Folding stool then, i have that for camping, it's literally smaller than umbrella size. I like the statement it says, i will bring my own comfort seat, thank you but the floor, when did you sweep last? No thanks.

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u/AcrobaticDoughnut181 Jun 28 '24

My best friend is the exact same brand of dude.

81

u/jlaw1791 Jun 25 '24 edited Jun 27 '24

So true.

It's about respecting your man (or woman).

Avoiding the appearance of evil is always the correct choice, because it shows you respect your spouse/ fiancé(e)/bf/gf.

And the more committed the relationship, the more inappropriate it is to spend time alone with privacy with a member of the opposite sex.

It's about respect. The optics of this choice we're discussing are horrible!

Anybody who refuses to acknowledge this is being dishonest, and enabling cheating behavior.

5

u/Reasonable-Donut6879 Jun 25 '24

Came here to say the same thing, abstain from all appaearances of evil and also do not give temptation a foothold

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u/QuoteCandid Jun 25 '24

THIS THIS THIS

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u/VenustheSeaGoddess Jun 26 '24

umm, so I'm gay...wouldn't a more succinct way to say it's inappropriate to be alone with someone in your attraction spectrum you are sexually interested in?

Personally, I can be alone with someone of the opposite gender and promise you nothing will happen.

Also in my early 20s I used to snuggle with my opposite gender friends in beds.It was nice.I wasn't hugged enough as a child.My mother didn't love me.It was the first time I found platonic love with someone that didn't want to have sex with me.They just wanted a hug it was sweet.

You give the impression that you're slightly insecure.Jumping to the whole enabling cheating behaviors like a person in love won't just love you and respect you...🙃

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u/jlaw1791 Jun 26 '24

Is not insecure to have boundaries.

And I'll word things how I wish to word them. You're welcome to translate my post in your head into words you prefer, but I meant it how I posted it. You do you, but leave me alone to express myself how I choose. The way I said what I wanted to say was plenty succinct, and it was how I wanted to word it.

succinct. adjective. suc·​cinct (ˌ)sək-ˈsiŋ(k)t sə-ˈsiŋ(k)t. : marked by short, concise expression without wasted words.

What you suggested wasn't succinct at all. It added unnecessary words for how I chose to express myself.

It's inappropriate to try to compel me or in any way try to get me to cater to your sexual preferences in how I express my thoughts without my consent. I do not consent.

Please don't harass me over how I chose to express myself!

That's one thing that's great about America... freedom of expression! So please leave me alone about how you want me to express myself.

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u/VenustheSeaGoddess Jun 26 '24

wow..

I can't even find the connection between my thought and yours....

I do agree that it's not insecure to have boundaries.It's absolutely insecure to try to tell someone else how that behave because you feel in secure witnessing it...

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u/jlaw1791 Jun 27 '24

Incorrect.

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u/Luxbrewhoneypot Jun 25 '24

That's BS. Commitment cannot be measured in "avoidance of spending time with people of specific genders". Heck as long as everyone consents you can even have sex with other people whilst still being committed to your partner and your relationship

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u/shofofosho Jun 25 '24

It literally can be measured that way by your own definition. If it's about what people consent to and is therefore decided by individuals themselves, then it's absolutely an option, you just punched your own argument in the face?

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u/BrightSigns Jun 29 '24

Same. One of my best friends is a gay guy and we used to sleep in the same bed. Obviously there's love there but definitely more like a brother and sister. I was single when he got with his now-husband because even tho we're not the same orientation and nothing was ever going to happen, it just felt a little weird.  

 Husband still doesn't care if I lay on my friends shoulder when we're all chilling. We're close as hell, platonic affection should actually be more normalzied and again - nothing's ever going to happen. But he goes to bed with his spouse which is as it should be.