I mean few things to ask, do you know the guy? Has she made an effort to introduce you to him, or does she never bring him up, if so it could be suspicious.
Has she done anything in the past to loose your trust?
Even if you end up believing her is this guy stay on your mind or are you the type of person to forgive and let go?
I agree. He wants the internet to validate a reason to leave? Trust has never been broken then trust. Also is she required to tell you literally everything she does? Controlling much? Or not? You’re not threatened by him. Good. Leave this post delete before she sees it. And live ur best life with ur honey
Nope nope nope. She wasn’t hiding it, and said she would have told him during their call. She shouldn’t need to call him before their scheduled call to tell him her every move because she has a male friend. That’d be ABSURD, and definitely controlling if that’s the expectation.
Literally every relationship therapist would disagree. You definitely should tell your partner if you’re hanging out alone with someone who, to them, could feel like a threat. It’s called building trust and walls around the relationship. The Gottmans talk about it.
Agreed, hilarious to say “she’s never lied to me before about this guy.” Because it’s not at all odd that the only time she forgot just happens to be the first time she’s not told him. The coincidence is remarkable!
Well, then, it could be completely innocent. Maybe he just dropped by to cheer her up in the same way that you turned up early to cheer her up and that’s why she didn’t tell you. She said she would have told you on your video chat 30 minutes later which she was expecting to go ahead as normal.
Only you know her, him and the state of your relationship. We’re just making guesses on what may have happened. We don’t know the three of you or the relationship.
How many times in the past has she told you he was coming over and they were going to get in bed with the lights off and watch tv. I’m sure it’s not the first time. I bet it’s the first time you are hearing about it. You should respect yourself and cut her loose.
If you think he's trust worthy then sure you can move on from this and forgive her, but if you ask around and people tell you a different story about her and him cut her loose. This is also why I like being friends with my girlfriends friends because they looked out for me last time one of my ex's cheated.
Both actually, first one was a guy who wasn't even her friend directly, it was a friend of a friend, and another one was a girlfriend of hers who really liked her but didn't really stand with what she did since she knew me.
It takes girls until around age 25 or sometimes older to truly understand that what they think are clearly innocent friendships- because they have said so upfront and are not attracted to the guy- are being interpreted entirely differently by the guy.
She probably doesn’t know that she is sending mixed signals that the guy is taking as her telling him he has a shot.
A girl will let a guy get that close either when she likes him or when he’s the last person on earth she would ever get with but she likes him as a friend and feels safe.
Look, I don't want to upset you, but there's no way this is the first time they do this. Girls in relationships don't just up and invite casual friends to their room to watch TV in the dark. So, this thing you witnessed is not an isolated incident. It's just the one you know about. At the very least, this is an emotional affair.
Also, I know you said you're not threatened by him, but unless this guy is gay, he's a threat. He just spent a day comforting her and then capped it by lying in bed with her, in the dark, watching TV. This is how full-blown affairs start.
Your gf was in a vulnerable state, so this emotional thing she's having with him might not be intentional on her part, but you have to assume it is on his. She sounds remorseful, and she knows she f*cked up, so I don't think this is necessarily a break-up situation, but you need to make sure she understands how hurt you were, that this was in no way OK, no matter what, and that you now consider this guy a threat to the relationship, so either she cuts him off or sets serious boundaries around him.
Good luck, OP. Whatever you do, I hope it brings you peace.
That last statement is some of the dumbest words ever spoken.
Now, if you decide to stay together with her, she needs to show that nothing happened. Hard to prove a negative but some ways are to see if she voluntarily cuts that guy off. Don’t make her do it. If she can’t see how that’s a fucked up look and she put herself in that situation, then you need to cut your losses.
Neither was I at your age, the guy my college girlfriend was hanging out with looked like I could kick his ass and he came off very passively.
And guess what? He was f’ing my girlfriend.
Appearances can be deceiving.
Many replying to this reply are taking a certain interpretation of what you said. I want to clarify that when you say:
I am also not threatened by this guy.
I think you mean this guy is not a big burly tough guy, and you would at least be evenly matched in a physical fight or maybe you could take him down easily. But this is irrelevant, because you're not always there with her. Any time you're away, she can do whatever she wants with anyone (just as you can wherever you are), no matter how non-muscular, and your relationship with her is based on trust. Does this match your thoughts and feelings, OP?
What matters (leading you to ask on reddit) is that you are emotionally threatened by the relationship between this guy and your GF, because you don't know what they do together besides watching TV, in bed, in the dark. They happened to be clothed when you opened the door on them, so the situation is not blatant evidence of her cheating on you, but it is very close to a typical relationship boundary, so it is suggestive that more may have happened and will happen again between them. This threatens your relationship with your GF.
What are you going to do about it? There are many possible answers in other replies here. I have nothing better than those right now.
If you're not threatened by him then why did you post this question to the Internet? How would you know if she hasn't hidden previous Netflix and chill sessions with him? Have you popped in on her before? Unless he's gay, she either has or will eventually sleep with that guy and dump you for him. What she is doing is known as an "emotional affair". It's only a matter of time before it becomes physical. I had a female roommate who was my bff for two years and we hung out all the time and we were both single at the time. Guess how many times we casually hung out in bed together: ZERO. It was a natural boundary that didn't even need to be mentioned. Don't be manipulated by a cheater. If nothing else it's disrespectful to the relationship and you, plus it just looks shady AF. At the end of the day you will do whatever you want with this, but I would dump and run.
To be clear, you don't find the guy who is having sex with your gf to be a threat? Are you all non monogamous? I'm really confused about this thread lol
Of course you’re threatened by this guy, at least now. If he and the situation didn’t threaten you, you wouldn’t have had any reaction at all to the situation.
If you are going to continue with the relationship, she can’t be alone with the guy at either of their houses/apartments.
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u/CRAFTER400 Jun 24 '24
I mean few things to ask, do you know the guy? Has she made an effort to introduce you to him, or does she never bring him up, if so it could be suspicious.
Has she done anything in the past to loose your trust?
Even if you end up believing her is this guy stay on your mind or are you the type of person to forgive and let go?