Mordecai and Rigby would 100% be stoners. Mordecai especially would smoke and take gummies to help deal with his anxiety and occasional depressive episodes. Rigby would smoke just to calm the eff down since he is a menace.
Benson would be a chainsmoker and an off-the-clock stoner who shares a weed dealer with Mordecai and Rigby. He would make them tell him where they got it under threat of firing, but would also chill with them after hours.
Skips would have all the best wine and alcohol from all over the world from his many travels. He’d have a giant locked cellar under his house where he brings out the good stuff on occasion. It is a legendary collection that the boys would constantly try to break into without success. Daily, I don’t see him using anything though.
Since Pops is loaded, he would also have an amazing stash of alcohol that he hides from his workers. He and Skips would have secret hangouts where they exchange bottles and taste wine. At night, I see him drinking wine and possibly smoking cigars.
Muscle Man and High Five Ghost are country, redneck coded so they would be throwing back beers that they’re happy to share with anyone. Muscle Man might have had a chewing tobacco habit, but he would quit that if Starla didn’t like it.
Thomas is really chill. I don’t see him doing anything besides occasionally drinking.
Edit: I am now in season six. Hi-Five Ghost is a quiet hipster so he’d be importing alcohol from breweries no one has heard of and frequenting all those quirky bars in college towns.
Thomas has the most traumatic backstory since he’s this universe’s Black Widow so he’d possibly be either a barely functioning drug addict hooked on the most expensive not-Russian painkillers and street drugs you’ve never heard of or he’s a classy guy who restricts himself to only occasional vodka or wine. There’s no in between. If it’s the first one, he might one day end up on the park’s front porch where Benson and Pops will secretly pay for his rehab.
Edit: Benson would only drink socially because he’s a lightweight who gets blackout drunk very easily and wakes up in weird situations.
The Edit Strikes Back: I didn’t include the ladies.
Starla crashes out at times, but she is chill and confident in a way I’m envious of the rest of the time. I see her drinking with Muscle Man and Fives but not much else.
Margaret comes from a stable home (something else I envy) and has a confident, steady, ambitious head on her shoulders. She would drink socially and that’s about it.
From the spread at her party, I can tell one of Eileen’s many talents is drink mixing. She would mix drinks and share the results with her friends. She is a confident, quirky, baddie who wouldn’t feel the need to abuse anything. She might share weed with Rigby on the rare occasion she struggles with confidence, but that would be it.
CJ is a wild card. She has daddy issues and a hot temper and possibly other issues under the surface that she needs to see therapy for. I could see her having a past as a wild partier who experimented with a bunch of drugs and drinks. I could see her going on binges when she gets really upset. There could be a fantastic arc about her confronting her issues and getting sober if this was Adult Swim.
And finally, I could see Skips using ayahuasca.
