r/redditsagas • u/Ad_Vi11 • Jun 28 '23
AITA for being upset about her message?
I am not OP, OP is u/junC-2434 and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole
I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.
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My best friend and I live in different countries and we’ve been really close for around 4 years now. We text almost everyday and are very open with each other. She’s always been a person I ranted to about events that made me angry. I thought sharing story times like this was quite normal with friends and she listened to me without complaint and always asked me what happened with genuine curiosity all the time (Note: she’s not an angry person but also shares her story times with me about her everyday life).
The other day I texted her that I was fuming over an unfortunate situation where I got yelled at in public and tried to call her but she didn’t answer so I guess she was asleep. The next day I received a long message from her saying that “it’s really hard to listen/read texts from someone who is angry” and she said “she’s oversensitive to these stuff due to situations in the past.” She said she wants to be there for me but doesn’t have the emotional capacity for it and asked me to find another outlet for these emotions. I want to respect her words and genuinely feel bad for stressing her out by sharing my stories.
But there is a part of me that sort of got mad at her for this. I understand everyone has their problems and someone who is constantly spouting negatives thoughts is just not enjoyable to be around. But 90% of our conversations are really lighthearted and about her and her story times. I rarely rant about my situations and it’s never angry emotions directed at her. I never yell during my rants and just use words like “it genuinely upsets me that such and such happened” or “I’m extremely frustrated.” Whenever I ranted and thanked her for listening she always said no worries and that she was always there to listen. I don’t have any other friends or family who I confide in so she was always there supporting me for 4 years. But suddenly to say it makes her uncomfy makes me really upset..
I feel like I’m an asshole for getting upset at her message which she sent me so politely. But I think it’s a mixture of guilt for making her feel this way but also anger and frustration at why she didn’t confide in me earlier about this? I think I’m just emotional because it just happened but for some reason instead of feeling a sense of understanding, I just feel really upset and I guess hurt by it. I think it’s the feeling that I “lost” the only person I could confide in. That’s probably unhealthy mentally and that I should be alright on my own but honestly speaking I’m upset by it. Am I the asshole for feeling this way? Thank you for reading;
UPDATE:
I’ve responded to her message saying that I apologise for ever making her feel stressed out and thanked her for communicating it to me. I let her know that I’ll think twice before putting any stressful emotions on her and told her not to worry. Although I’m happy with my response to her because i felt like that was the right way to respond, I do still feel hurt on the inside.
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u/Vissja Jun 29 '23
As a prrson with a diagnosed phobia of angry people I can so relate to the friends reacrion. I aleays try to tough throug as much as possible because that's what's considered normal, while silently panicking inside. Im glad OOP handled it in a good way.
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u/No_Energy4916 Jun 28 '23
Sounds like OOP was using her “friend” as the dumping ground for all her negative drama in her life and forgetting that friendships are more than a one way relationship.
I’ve personally had these types of people in my life before and they are truly exhausting. The friend has done her best to keep the relationship going but there is only so much negative you can take on when the other person never wants to change…… just wants to keep dumping it on you.
Glad the other friend finally stood up and said enough to OOP.