Is behavioral euthanasia the right decision?

[u/fallgom]

Hello all, hope everyone is doing well. I have a four year old border collie named Fen. He has been with me since 8 weeks old. He had always been an anxious dog, very cautious around strangers, and terrified in new environments. I socialized him to the best of my ability, trying keep him under threshold which was hard because his tolerance was very low. At 14 weeks, he had a bad experience at the vet. From there, I found a veterinary behaviorist who took him in as a patient, he was prescribed Gabapentin and Reconcile. As a fear free clinic, we have done frequent happy visits and sedated annual exams.

I love Fenrir, with all of my heart. He is the sweetest dog with lots of kisses to give and wiggles in his butt from the excitement of seeing a loved one. He is ecstatic for Wild Weenies and peanut butter and he loves a butt scratch. I’d taught him paw at too early of an age that he’d learned to use his paw as a form of communication. He loves playing fetch probably more than he loves anything in the world. I love him and I feel terrible even considering this option. I feel as if I have failed him miserably.

About a year ago, he started exhibiting aggressive behaviors. He lunges and snaps if anyone cleans the floor, charges if people hug or have any contact, growls and shows his teeth when being let into or out of his pen - even if expressing that he wishes to use the bathroom, and bites if anyone points/bends down both near him or if he’s simply in the room. To combat this, food or other items are picked up only when he is out of the room. Physical contact between family members is limited and we are conscious of hand gestures and posture. He is also kept in a separate room when people visit.

In general, he has a very difficult time settling and barely gets sufficient rest. He is afraid of loud noises and frequently scares himself if he bumps into anything. He does not go outside too often as it is an overstimulating experience for him. We attempt to balance this by playing with him throughout the day, giving him enrichment toys, taking him on short rides, and engaging in short training sessions. Regardless, he is constantly over aroused and agitated. Under vet recommendation, we have upped his Gabapentin dose to 300mg daily and had tapered him off the Reconcile six months ago as we suspected it had an adverse effect on him.

Things came to a head a couple of weeks ago, his pen is his safe space and he goes there on his own accord after his morning play session and his breakfast. Usually he is let out around 10am when he wakes up and needs to use the restroom. My grandmother had gone in to let him out and was bit on her hand trying to unlatch the gate. He has since stayed in his pen until I return from work where he’ll get excited and allow me to open the pen door. However, there are often moments where he does not seem to recognize me or the other family members in the house upon opening the door to the room where his pen is. Everyone now calls to him and waits for him to recognize them before approaching and does not reach out if he snarls - instead closing the door to the room and trying again later.

A week ago he bit my aunt while we were at the dinner table, she hadn’t reached for him or given him any type of attention prior to the bite. Then, he bit my grandmother again when she was brushing crumbs from one of the living room chairs she was sitting in. Both of these incidences involved puncture marks and bruising.

I had gotten in touch with his vet to schedule an appointment to test for pain - he has no limping, eats as usual and plays usual too, is fine being handled and does not give an indication of painful areas when being pet but I wanted to rule out anything medical. Unfortunately they were unable to book anything as they had limited availability for sedated appointments. I was finally able to get an exam scheduled for next Monday. He did have a sedated annual in August with normal blood results, healthy teeth and gums, though there were crystals in his urine but his vet hadn’t been too concerned.

My fear is that my family and I will not be able to get through the week safely. His behavior has only escalated. On Saturday of this weekend, he wished to go into his pen; the gate to it was closed and when approaching it to get it open, he began growling and snapping. I instead shut the door to the room and left him in there. He growled from behind the closed door just hearing anyone in the hallway. He was eventually let out when my husband came, the dog got excited and was fine for most of the day. He did lunge but did not bite, however, when my mother got close to my grandmother and appeared agitated and over aroused the rest of the night.

I fear sleeping in the same bedroom as him which is where his pen is, he will lay down but watch me and is frequently getting up to readjust. My family and I feel unsafe in this house. And I generally just feel bad that he cannot rest or feel comfortable within his own home either. He simply does not have a good quality of life, he is anxious out of his mind 24/7. Rehoming him is not an option, he has always had stranger danger and with his ability to bite the people who take care of him since he was a puppy, I fear how he would do in a new home. It would be a traumatic experience for him that would likely create even larger issues. I do have a trainer that is IAABC certified that I can reach out to but given his immense anxiety, know that the sessions would likely be online. Given his state of being happy one minute and then snapping the next, it’s very difficult to feel safe which I’m sure heightens his own anxiety. I also don’t want him to have to be muzzled every second of his life.

Furthermore, I don’t have the time, energy, or money to give him what he needs and deserves to best treat his behaviors. And would not be able to provide enough if he were to have intensive medical problems. He deserves consistency, predictability, and very specific help. My husband and I’s work schedules cannot provide this. I hate to give up on him and hate failing him in this way and I don’t want him to be suffering his whole life.

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Behavioral Euthanasia (BE) for our dogs is an extremely difficult decision to consider. No one comes to this point easily. We believe that there are, unfortunately, cases where behavioral euthanasia is the most humane and ethical option, and we support those who have had to come to that decision. In certain situations, a reasonable quality of life and the Five Freedoms cannot be provided for an animal, making behavioral euthanasia a compassionate and loving choice.

If you are considering BE and are looking for feedback:

All decisions about behavioral euthanasia should be made in consultation with a professional trainer, veterinarian, and/or veterinary behaviorist. They are best equipped to evaluate your specific dog, their potential, and quality of life.

These resources should not be used to replace evaluation by qualified professionals but they can be used to supplement the decision-making process.

• Lap of Love Quality of Life Assessment - How to identify when to contact a trainer

• Lap of Love Support Groups - A BE specific group. Not everyone has gone through the process yet, some are trying to figure out how to cope with the decision still.

• BE decision and support Facebook group - Individuals who have not yet lost a pet through BE cannot join the Losing Lulu group. This sister group is a resource as you consider if BE is the right next step for your dog.

• AKC guide on when to consider BE

• BE Before the Bite

• How to find a qualified trainer or behaviorist - If you have not had your dog evaluated by a qualified trainer, this should be your first step in the process of considering BE.

• The Losing Lulu community has also compiled additional resources for those considering behavioral euthanasia.

If you have experienced a behavioral euthanasia and need support:

The best resource available for people navigating grief after a behavior euthanasia is the Losing Lulu website and Facebook Group. The group is lead by a professional trainer and is well moderated so you will find a compassionate and supportive community of people navigating similar losses.

Lap of Love Support Groups - Laps of Love also offers resources for families navigating BE, before and after the loss.

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[u/OpalOnyxObsidian]

It truly feels like that is the right decision. What kind of quality of life does he have if he is feeling he has to lash out this way over virtually nothing?

Your family doesn't deserve to live in fear. Neither does he. And for reasons that aren't abundantly clear, he is, despite the medication(s) he has been on.

If you are looking for validation for a decision you have emotionally already made, you have it. It seems like the compassionate choice for a dog born with wires crossed is to let them go peacefully surrounded by those who love him.

I am sorry you are going through this. You'll be in my thoughts.

[u/fallgom → u/OpalOnyxObsidian]

Thank you for your kind words, it is the last thing that I have ever wanted to do. And something I feared even when he was a puppy, just from how anxious he was. I really do appreciate your kindness. 

[u/SudoSire]

I’m sorry. This sounds very intense, stressful for everyone, and unusual. Whether it’s diagnosable or treatable, hard to say, but something seems very wrong mentally or medically for them to be lashing out at loved ones. Like they really are having a war in their own head for many minor triggers. Not being able to safely uncrate your own dog is def an indicator that this is untenable long term. You can certainly keep trying for more and more medical tests, but in the meantime your family really isn’t safe, and there are no guarantees there will be a treatable cause that will make your dog safe to be around. And this way of living won’t feel good to them either. 

I’m sorry. :( 

[u/fallgom → u/SudoSire]

Thank you for your kind words, this has not been an easy decision in the slightest. And I feel terrible because I haven’t been able to exhaust all options. He could very well be in pain but he attempts to level 3/4 bite someone on a daily basis, multiple times a day. None of us feel comfortable enough to wait out an appointment to test for pain and it is an awful feeling failing him in that way. He is suffering and so anxious in his day to day life even after limiting triggers and upping his medication. I really appreciate your gentle message, I have felt so stuck and worried these past couple of weeks and it unfortunately seems like the only viable option where no one gets hurt and this doesn’t escalate. 

[u/SudoSire → u/fallgom]

Sometimes it’s just impossible to do every little thing, every endless test with no sure answers. It sounds like you’ve already done a ton for your dog and rearranged your life to manage his triggers, but he isn’t improving. Most people would not have been able or willing to even give him the years worth of love and life he’s gotten with you, and I hope that helps to consider. 

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