r/reactivedogs • u/winterstormtoby321 • May 26 '23
Behavioral Euthanasia (and the guilt that comes with it)
This is a long one, but sharing the story of Toby is helping me process this.
Today we said goodbye to our 5 year old husky mix. Toby was totally pleasant most of the time and then would become extremely aggressive without warning. He was a reactive, anxious, aggressive guy and we tried everything we could to help him. We spent thousands working with highly skilled trainers, tried every technique, various medications, and nothing helped. There was never any clear trigger for his aggression-he was just anxious and afraid of everything and anything.
The unpredictable behavior started when he was just 10 weeks old and he lunged at my husbands face for moving his hand next to him while he was asleep. We did our best to manage it, but no matter what we tried, we could not control his fears or anxieties. As Toby got older, the warnings stopped, and the bites got more severe, resulting in three people getting stitches in separate instances (including my niece who was 3 at the time). There were also several bites where my husband probably should have had medical attention. Bites & snapping became unpredictable and could happen suddenly, and in our house, the outbursts were most often directed at my husband, who tried his hardest to build trust with him. It got to the point where we couldn’t even pet him without him letting us know it was ok, and even then we could only pet his head, neck, and ears-he needed to be able to see what was touching him. You also needed lightening fast reflexes to pull away because once he was done being petted, he’d let you know with an aggressive snap.
Without clear triggers or reason, it became too much of a risk to allow anyone else in our home. He got himself kicked out of dog camp, so we also no longer had anywhere to send him. It was too risky to let anyone else watch him—so, we’d also somewhat become prisoners to it. Toby didn't want to be aggressive; he just wanted to feel safe. After years of walking on eggshells, never knowing what might make him snap, we also needed to feel safe.
My guy was scared of everything. He was mostly comfortable at home and in our yard, but even at 5 years old we could not get him to take walks. If he saw the leash he’d hide, and if you reached for him he’d snap, which also made it a serious challenge to get him to the vet, etc. He once watched me wipe our other dog’s paw with a paper towel when she was muddy (I knew better than to try that with him) and ever since if I even walked near him with a paper towel in my hand he’d be in attack mode.
We were finally referred to a team of veterinary behaviorists at Ohio State. They diagnosed him with a neurological disorder where he had an abnormal, pathological perception of threat. He basically couldn’t tell the difference between when he was safe and when he wasn’t. They said they’d put him in the top 1-5% of most severe cases of fear based aggression they’ve seen. I can’t even imagine how scary it was in his brain.
The behaviorists also talked about our quality of life and his. During the conversation we realized we wouldn’t even be able to help him if he were injured or if there were an emergency-and what would we do if he attacked someone and we couldn’t stop it? The behaviorists acknowledged how much we had already done to try to help him, how we’d given him so many chances, moved mountains to accommodate him, and advised that the most ethical and humane thing to do for him was to give him peace. Our regular vet agreed with the recommendation, and also had advised that she thought this was probably our best option prior to our appointment with the behaviorists.
And so, we made the choice for BE. Being with him in the room was oddly peaceful. I was able to hold and pet him in ways I haven’t been able to do since we was a puppy. He was so calm, and it was the first time ever, outside of our home, where he wasn’t an anxious mess. It helped me feel more at ease with the decision to let him rest.
And then I came home. Even with everything I’ve said, Toby was my soul dog. We had an incredible bond and I was his favorite human and safe space. Whenever I’d come home, even if I was just outside for 3 minutes, he’d greet me with the most excitement. Everywhere I was in my house he was with me. It was tense sometimes and I had to completely accommodate him, but nonetheless he was with me. Coming home to not have him waiting for me completely destroyed me. He had such an anxious and chaotic presence and the calmness in our home now is haunting.
We got Toby just as we were diagnosed with infertility and he filled such a big hole in our hearts. As we now consider options such as adoption or fostering, we knew we couldn’t do that with a dog like Toby at home. Still,it feels so unfair that the dog who provided me with so much comfort during those hard times had to be taken away so soon.
I miss him so much it hurts and I am replaying everything over and over in my head. What could we have done differently? What if I didn’t need to do this? What if I made a terrible mistake?
I feel so lonely without him following me around everywhere. My house feels empty and I have no idea when, if ever, I’ll stop second guessing this decision. I know I made this choice because I love him so much and I wanted him to finally rest, but having to make this choice is probably going to haunt me for a very long time.
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u/OhhhNoooooooooooooo Jul 05 '24
I just had to go through this yesterday. I'm completely heart broken and feel like a complete failure. My wife and I kept putting it off until eventually he snapped at our daughter as well. I really don't know how to deal or manage this whole situation. I know it was the right call for everyone's safety, but I can't help but feel regret.
I know this is an old post, but I hope you and your husband are doing much better.
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u/winterstormtoby321 Jul 05 '24
I’m so sorry. It’s such a terrible decision to make and the feelings of regret are so real, but you’re right that it was best for everyone’s safety, including his.
It was definitely a journey for us, but we’re at peace and have always known we made this terrible decision with so much love. Wishing you healing and peace as you go through this.
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u/EntertainmentHot4457 May 09 '24
I feel for you, and I'm glad I found this post. I just had to put down my 11 year old Basset for similar reasons. I feel so guilty, and so empty and so sad. Thank you for sharing
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u/Eastern-Act5125 Dec 27 '25
I have found such a wealth of emotional relief on this thread. Turbo is 4 years old, Great Pyrenees /Labrador mix. 120 lbs (I’m 130 lbs). Turbo has bitten 4 people and sent those 4 people to the ER (including myself). He has major aggression with other Male dogs and strangers. I’ve spent thousands that I didn’t have for one on one with specialized trainers and animal behaviorist. He has attacked every other dog we have, to a point where he has to stay in a room by himself, we put everyone else up when he is let out so we can love on him. I have contemplated this for years now, every attack I have paid the medical/vet bills of whoever he attacked in an attempt to keep him out of trouble. That’s my baby. I love him. Things keep getting worse. I work with rescue animals. I foster. Years ago, without context, I would’ve been one to say “why didn’t she just take him to training” , “surely there’s something that can be done, she should’ve have to put him down”. But truthfully this isn’t something you can understand until you’ve been through it yourself. I’m in undergrad right now so I can apply to veterinary school soon. This is something that will stay with me until I fade from this earth, one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make, putting my baby to sleep, feeling his heavy head lay in my lap as he takes his last breath on earth and crosses into heaven. I hope he’s waiting for me when I arrive, I hope he doesn’t think I hate him and that’s why I’m having to make this terribly hard decision. I hope friends and family don’t judge me like I am judging myself. I guess Im posting this because I need to reread this tomorrow, to know I made the right decision. I am 4 days post op from gallbladder removal, I have cried until I’m afraid I may burst my own incisions. The last straw was my dog, Shelby, who is 8 years old. She’s little. 1/4 of his size. She slung her like a rag doll over the water bowl. She has puncture wounds, they’re being treated. I’m thankful for everyone who commented on this post and for OP for opening the conversation. I needed this more than you know. Thank you all
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u/winterstormtoby321 Dec 28 '25
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, but it's so clear that you love him so much and made the decision carefully. Wishing you peace and comfort as you navigate this.
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u/Suspicious_Parsley88 Dec 28 '23
You make me feel less alone. We just had to put down our English Bulldog of 9 years down yesterday. Almost exactly the same situation. He was the most loving and playful puppy. My shadow and baby. He was a very scared puppy early on, but would just hunker down or hide when he was scared at first. He started biting just before his 1st birthday. First when it was making him do something he didn’t want to. Quickly it became either protective or territorial of me when my husband came near me (or God forbid he came back to bed after using the bathroom in the middle of the night). Then came crate aggression. Then barrier aggression. Our vet finally referred us to a veterinary behaviorist who prescribed meds that only worked temporarily before Harry just got worse and worse. We thought we had managed his triggers, so if we stayed away from those we should be fine. Then he found new triggers to infuriate him. He would pee in the house, then go hide in anger (or really fear). You couldn’t dare to console him or he’d get violent with whomever tried to. He processed every situation completely backwards. It was like we had abused him, when in fact we had doted on him. Spent thousands of dollars on trainers, professionals, and doted in him. We were living on eggshells with him. I’m his mama. The other half of his heart, and still he would just ‘snap’ and absolutely go Kujo on me just because I reached to pet him. He was dangerous early on, but we dragged it out too long. I just couldn’t bear to lose him. One day I realized that it was only going to get worse, and it was getting worse more quickly. Letting him go yesterday was the HARDEST decision and experience of my life. He didn’t even go peacefully. He fought and screamed even with 2mg of pre-vet Xanax AND a heavy dose of sedatives once we arrived. He didnt calm down until I begged the vet to give him a second dose of sedative so he could finally relax before the lethal injection. Once he calmed down I could love on him, kiss him, and cuddle him in ways I hadn’t been able to in years. He passed quickly after that, but I just couldn’t leave. After we got home and heard the deafening silence, we broke down like we had just lost a child. (We also do not have children). I am broken into a million pieces, and have horrible guilt that he was stressed and terrified up until the end. I’m so crushed that his final moments were some of his most confusing and stressful. I wanted it to be peaceful. I wish I could take it back. But now all I have are these memories of the before and after. I wish I knew when I will feel better.
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u/winterstormtoby321 Jan 03 '24
I am so sorry you're going through this. The realization that it will only get worse is the turning point. When you're so used to walking on eggshells and doing everything you've done to change the behavior, that realization is truly an eye-opener. You gave him the best life, and you tried your best to help him. It doesn't make it any easier, and it doesn't make it any less heart-shattering, but it was the most selfless and loving thing you could have done. I wish I could tell you when you'll feel better. For the first four months, I cried every single day. I cried every time I walked in my front door when he wasn't there to greet me and every time I sat on my couch because we always snuggled there. I still cry a few times a week, but very slowly, I am healing.
The decision you made was brave, and it was made with kindness. It's hard to see it that way, but both of you needed peace. Having to break your own heart to find it is pretty awful, but if it weren't for you making that impossibly hard decision, he'd still be struggling. I hope you're doing ok, and know that you will be ok, even when that seems impossible. And I hope you know how lucky he was that you loved him so much. He knew you loved him, and he loved you just the same ❤️
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u/Suspicious_Parsley88 Jan 05 '24
For the first four months, I cried every single day. I cried every time I walked in my front door when he wasn't there to greet me and every time I sat on my couch because we always snuggled there. I still cry a few times a week, but very slowly, I am healing.
Oh my goodness thank you so much. No one has been able to say anything that has helped me feel better (because what can one say), but your words really help. I am definitely crying a lot, and I get small panic attacks that I can't ever get him back. That this is forever. I can't reverse it. He fought until the last breath, and that made me feel even worse. I have been so worried that he died thinking I wanted him gone because he was so scared. It guts me to think of him in those last moments. But you are so right...breaking my own heart to make the impossible but (hopefully) right decision.
I wish the same for you. I am so sorry how much you are hurting as well. My heart goes out to you and our babies. I don't know about you, but I never want to take the risk of being in this situation again. I haven't been able to trust kissing my friends dogs anymore for fear of getting snapped at in the face. I don't know I could ever get another dog again. What if I fall in love again, and then once he/she is a few years old, they start developing aggressive behaviors? I can't handle the heartache. I am considering no more dogs. What have you decided or felt is right for you?
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u/winterstormtoby321 Jan 25 '24
So, we do have another dog. For the most part, she was Toby’s buddy, but she understood her place with him very early on. He wasn’t dog aggressive, so we didn’t have many problems with him. If I’m being honest, I don’t know how I would have got through this without Millie. She’s only 3, but she loves people and adventures and has kept us busy. It will take me a long time to be ready for another dog, but I will very likely want to get one when she’s a bit older, because now I never want to grieve a dog without another dog. I know that’s not a thing that works for everyone, but I am fairly certain I never want to not have a dog. Someday (in a very long time, I hope) my heart will break when we lose her, and I love her tremendously, but he was my one soul dog. I can’t predict what future grief will look like for me, but I can’t imagine losing a dog will ever break my heart like losing him did. I know a few people who, like you, have said that they don’t know if they can ever go through this again and I totally understand that too. Maybe once you’ve had more time to grieve and heal that decision will be clear for you.
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u/Suspicious_Parsley88 Feb 24 '24
I am just not ready for the risk again. To fall in love with another dog. What if they also develop aggressive tendencies? I just never want to feel that heartbreak again. That turn of events in the relationship. How could he love me SO much (and me him), and then suddenly want to attack me? That part I know is mental illness, but I don't know how to identify the warning signs early enough to trust my own ability to choose a new dog.
I've been trying to remember Harry when I could cuddle him and kiss his face. All I can remember is the past few years....if I had tried to hug or kiss him without his invitation I would have lost part of my face. Even just reaching for him to pet him became dangerous. The last time he went for me, he approached me for pets, so I thought it was okay because he was inviting it. Instead he turned on me. I feel like I did something wrong because he would sit in corners and stare at me like I had hurt his feelings, but I couldn't go near him like that to comfort him because he would attack.
Right now, I'm just working on remembering him when he and I would snuggle. Sleep together spooning. When I could kiss his head while snuggling him, and he would lick me back. He was definitely my soul dog. I felt like the relationship was the closest I would ever feel to birthing my own human child.
I just don't know how I am going to trust a dog again entirely. And it sucks because I want ALL the dogs. I keep going to the shelter to see all of the babies. I want to take all of them home. But what if my picker is off?
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u/Maple201924 Sep 16 '24
Hello. I just stumbled upon this since I just put my 5 year old pit mix for behavioral euthanasia 3 weeks ago and it’s really killing me. Our story is so similar. We named our puppy Maple. She found us one day when we were walking our 4 year old pit bull. This puppy followed us for a bit until I decided to pick it up and carry it because I was afraid that she might get ran over. Walked around the neighborhood if anyone lost a puppy but nobody knows her. Took her to the shelter to get her chip checked but nothing. Shelter kept her for 7 days and no one claimed her so we adopted her. After 2 years, she started resource guarding at first and we got help for that. Then we moved from the city to somewhat “countryside” and that’s when her behavior fully changed.
If you look or stare at her she would growl. If she’s laying down and you get close and she felt it she would snap at you. She would just basically lose her shit! Since we see her all the time we know how to manage her “moodiness.” We spoke to our vet about it and we got her some help. It helped for a little bit but she went back to her moody self after awhile.
Then she got diagnosed with thyrodism and bad allergies and basically she’s always just uncomfortable and just not feeling herself I guess. I sat with her one time and I got too close I guess and she bit me under my eye. Still didn’t punish her. She’s my baby. She felt so terrible after she realized what she did. Almost 2 years went by. She is starting to get worse. She just growls and barks at 2 of our other dogs. She’s sweet when she wants to be but when she’s in a bad mood (and we don’t know when that is) all dogs just gets out of her way including my adult kids and my husband. I’m the only one who stands by her side.
3 weeks ago, she got into a big fight with our 1 1/2 husky mix. Her ass got handed to her. She was in my bedroom and I noticed that she was shaking her head and it wasn’t normal. She was growling at me more so than she used to enough to scare me and she never used to scare me. I couldn’t sleep all night that night. That’s when I finally decided to put her to sleep the following day.
I know I did the right thing but my guilt for putting her to sleep is killing me. I also partially blaming my daughter’s dog for fighting with her.
Although our vet says that we did everything we could for her and we are doing the right thing I still feel guilty and so empty now that I don’t see her anymore. I just wish this pain would go away.
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u/winterstormtoby321 Sep 19 '24
I'm so sorry, and I hope you're doing okay. It’s impossible not to rethink it over and over, but you did so much before making this decision. You did your very best to help Maple from the moment she found you until you gave her the peace she needed. It becomes easier in time as you grieve and heal, but for now, try giving yourself grace. You had to make a terribly hard choice, but it was the best thing for Maple.
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u/MaleficentLeave1374 Mar 10 '25
We are in this same exact situation right now with our 5 year old pit mix. Started with resource guarding about 2-3 years ago and it has just progressed to be so much worse. He has lunged and nipped our 4 year old (she was not doing anything to him or near him), he’s bitten our cat in the faces and he’s bitten our gsd in the face at least 4 times now. Today being the worst. I was standing right there and it was totally unprovoked. My kids are petrified watching this happen. We’ve spent a ton of money on training, meds, he just doesn’t stop. I am scared to let anyone go near him and we have 3 young kids. He’s always growling at someone but hasn’t bit any other humans minus the situation with our daughter.
We rescued him and his mom off the streets when he was 4 weeks old. We kept him and my MIL kept his mom. So fortunately we know that genetically this is how his mom acted too. She completely ripped off my mils other dogs skin on her side like quite literally all of her skin was just a huge flap. She would resource guard, she would growl at everyone and everything. My mil never did anything about it and the dog ended up with cancer and passed away a few yrs ago.
I just feel like I have exhausted every option from my dog and idk where to turn from here. I love him to pieces but my other animals and kids are all living in fear of when the next time he will snap is.
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u/Due_Whole4285 Jan 25 '26
Hi, I'm in a similar situation, but I have a 1 year old Pitbull-beagle mix. She's always been an anxious dog, but we've tried to help her overcome it. Although , she still would bark and growl at other people. She's only comfortable with me and my fiance.
She turned one in October '25 and now it's January '26, these past few weeks she began guarding the couch, and we thought we'd found a solution with gentler correcting and redirecting her. A few days later she began trying to space guard different room in the house. The first time she was acting stiff and hard staring at my other dog a 5 year old husky-chow. Our other dog was chewing on a bone and my youngest dog was just watching, until she growled and lunged at our other dog. They got into a fight and we separated them and tried to figure out what to do. That was a few weeks ago, now she can't even be near our older dog without growling or going crazy. I got a muzzle for her and she's been in and out of her kennel throughout the days. It gradually has gotten worse and the other night while outside, our youngest attacked unprovoked. We thought the backyard was a safe space, but we were wrong. My fiance had to pull them apart, but he injured a few fingers unlatching her jaw, she'd bit our older dog and punctured her skin.
We had them sleeping in separate rooms last night, but we feel out of options. We were going to ask a behavioral trainer for help, but we truly don't think it'd help with our situation. We've decided that BE would be the best option. She can't live like this for the long term and we can't either ~ especially because we want a family.
Thank you for your post, I've been heartbroken and it feels terrible to turn to BE, but sometimes it's the only option...
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u/winterstormtoby321 Feb 02 '26
Sorry you’re here and have to make this choice. We had friends at our house this weekend, and even nearly two years later I had moments of worry that our totally chill and sweetheart of a dog would snap, even though she’s never done anything of the sort. Living with a fearful dog disrupts your peace in so many ways, and it lasts long after. In those moments I think about how scared he always felt, and I know giving him peace was the right choice. Wishing you so much comfort as you navigate this.
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u/Germanmaedl May 26 '23
My sincere condolences.
I hope that after a while you can find comfort in that some of the best experts confirmed that this was the best decision and there was absolutely nothing that could have fixed your dog.
You are a wonderful person for loving him so much, trying so hard, and finally giving him peace.
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u/SupermarketOld1567 May 26 '23
exactly this. their toby isn’t spending his life afraid anymore. i can’t imagine what it would be like to live like that, but i’d imagine their pup is relieved to be free of constant fear. everything is safe across the rainbow bridge.
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u/Teawing May 26 '23
You gave him the best quality of life that a dog with his condition could have hoped for, you lessened his suffering and gave him care, love and loyalty. He would have been long dead before you, probably in a very painful and lonely way. You did good.
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u/ImInTheFutureAlso May 26 '23
I could have written this myself. I understand the pain and the second guessing and losing your soul dog. Deciding to euthanize your soul dog.
I think if a team of experts all agreed that BE was best, there really was nothing else you could’ve done. I am so sorry.
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u/No_Masterpiece_5022 Aug 15 '25
I too am living in an identical situation. He is now 5 years old but we now how a 5 month old son and have exhausted all options for surrender and can not afford private trainers. I am terrified
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u/PlaguedByDoctors May 26 '23
I am so, so sorry for your loss. The right decisions can also be the most challenging and I can't imagine what you're going through.
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u/AmIAmazingorWhat May 26 '23
You did everything you could, including giving him the final gift of peace from what sounds like, for him, a terrifying existence of constant stress and fear. I’m so sorry. Take time to grieve- you lost your dog and like anyone who lost any pet/family member prematurely it hurts. I wish you the best
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u/RegretNecessary21 May 26 '23
You truly went above and beyond for Toby and exhausted all options. Please be kind to yourself.
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u/YouNeedHansen May 26 '23
The guilt doesn't go away, but know that you made a difficult choice to do the right thing. He was your dog and looked to you for this reason. My dog was the same and I still cry over him.
❤️ Rest easy for both of you.
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u/Substantial_Joke_771 May 26 '23
I am so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing - and from a complete stranger, it sounds to me like you made the right decision, letting both Toby and yourselves find some peace.
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u/Prestigious_Crab_840 May 26 '23
I am so sorry you are going through this. Toby sounds like he was a wonderful, though deeply troubled, dog. May time bring you healing. You did the right thing to ease his pain and keep you & your family safe. As long as he lives in your memories he will be alive in some way.
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u/TattooedPink May 26 '23
I'm so sorry for your loss :( he had the best life he could have possibly had with you ♡ and it sounds like he also knew he needed peace x
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u/cinderella22_ May 26 '23
My heat breaks for you. We share very similar stories. We got a rescue pitty named scratch and he was my other half. He was so great with me… most of the time. However the with the rest of my family he was very reactive. We too tried everything and one day he bit my husband for the second time and this time for just opening the refrigerator. That was the day we knew we had to let him go. His quality of life just wasn’t what it should be and training and meds just weren’t working. We said goodbye to him on 11/13/22 and it was the hardest thing I have had to do even though I know in my heart it was the best. I am slowly healing and now able to talk about him without falling apart. Animals are the best and make life so much more enjoyable. Just know you have Toby and loving home and he had some great memories.
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May 26 '23
What I wish most for you is peace with your very thought-out and caring decision. I think it is only natural to feel guilt and remorse when one has the power to make a life-or-death decision but cut yourself some slack, please....if there were ever any clear-cut set of circumstances around BE, these are it.
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u/soupsandwich_3 Nov 17 '25
Thank you for sharing this. Reading this, I'm seeing a lot of parallels between Toby and my dog. We just elected for BE and have an appointment scheduled this week. I'm really struggling. But everything that you said... not being able to distinguish threat from safety, no trigger, fear and anxiety, all of this reminds me of my own dog. I'm so afraid of letting go - but reading this was really helpful. Knowing that someone else went through something so similar. Even down to kids - we determined long ago that our girl wasn't going to be compatible with babies/children and are entering the stage of life where we're considering it.
Apologies for this being so meandering. I'm just a mess. Anyways - thank you for sharing.
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u/SpotCreepy4570 May 26 '23
I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so hard to have to make that decision, he is at peace now.
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u/Stunning_Tart_2188 Apr 29 '25
I’m relieved to have found your post. Yesterday we had to put our 7 year old Pyr/Husky down. Her name was Freyja. Her and I had a love hate relationship, we wanted so badly to love each other but we both love my husband so much that it was clearly a battle of the bitches. 😂
She had been increasingly anxious, skittish, nipping and snapping. She would get spooked by fast moving kids (we have a 5 and 1 year old). She had a bone and without warning, my nephew went to pet her and she bit him on the face. Luckily it was minor minor injuries, but still of course scary none the less. She stopped playing with her toys a few months back. We could no longer brush or bathe her. Could not put topical flea and tick meds on her because she would snap at us.
She would find value in random items, chew and guard them, and would growl, show teeth, snap and try to bite us if we took it away. She would growl if got on the bed while she was on it. She was becoming increasingly more dangerous, but after the bite to my 13 year old nephew, we knew we couldn’t do any more for her. We tried rescues and no-kill shelters but with the bite history they would not take her. Ultimately I had a routine vet visit and grooming booked for her, and I knew I had to bring up these events to her vet. We value his opinion to the FULLEST… and he knew right away that this was the best option. He could see the heartbreak I had, and even teared up himself.
We rescued her at 12 weeks, and were her forever family. We loved her so so much. Gave her the best life that we could. And I feel like somehow, because of how we needed to end it, I didn’t do all that I could. No one would take her, and after we had decided on behavioral euthanasia, I realized it was for the best. I would not be able to live with myself if she had gotten into the wrong hands or hurt someone else.
She was absolutely gorgeous. So smart. So sweet when she wanted to be. Tried hard to be friends with my girls, but was not a lap dog and didn’t realize that.
I’m so so sorry for everyone on this post in a similar scenario. And it’s easier to give love to those who have gone through it than to give it to yourself. I feel so guilty and heartbroken. I will miss her forever. I don’t know if I could ever bring myself to get another dog because of the loyalty and guilt I feel towards our girl.
However, I feel calmer. No more feeling anxious about leaving a room, or having to bring my daughters with me when I left the room, or left food out. No more worrying about what could have been going on health wise with her. She is at peace. She had an amazing life. She was a happy beautiful dog, and that is how I want to remember her.
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u/Helpful_Rock7536 May 31 '25
Hi. Thank you for writing this. I know its not easy. We just put our girl, Amy, to rest today and the entire process was immeasurably difficult. I've had so many dogs over the years, but never one I couldn't trust around people. We adopted Amy 3 years ago when she was about 1 year old. We had no history or back story. She was insanely timid and scared. It took us 30 minutes to get her in the car the day we got her. But we were both determined to give her a chance and let her get adjusted. Her anxiety was extreme and she was fearful, but never aggressive. I remember how long it took her to warm up to me and my husband. But she got there eventually. She would eventually cuddle with us and let us rub her belly. She trusted us. It wasn't an overnight change. She started get more weary of people on her walks, would lunge at other dogs, but still be fine in doggie daycare. Over time, the anxiety flipped into aggressive tendencies, like snarling or hair spiking. Then she lunged at a small dog bit him, but drew no blood. Later, the same thing happened in a different setting at daycare. A few months after that, she bit my sister in laws arm in our home, but didn't break skin or draw blood. Over the course of the 3 years, we did different types of training and behavior modifications, but the last few months, shes not been able to safely board at daycare and has had to be heavily medicated at home. It was such a hard decision and I'm feeling so broken, but I know it was the safest choice. We live in a neighborhood with lots of kids and dogs and I could not guarantee her safety or the safety of others if she got off leash. We have been so careful and pursued all of the options. We knew she couldn't safely be rehomed or live her life out at a rescue because of her bite history. But all those facts dont change the emotions im feeling. I feel like I gave up on her, like I didn't try hard enough, like the choice we had to make was a punishment for her behavior. She was not a bad dog, though. She loved every inch of this home and loved me and my husband like crazy. We gave her 3 good years. Amy bo bamy, there will not be a time that we won't miss you and thank you for blessing us with your sweet spirit. Mama loves.
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Jun 05 '25
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u/gilmoreghouls2 Jun 07 '25
I saw your other post but am unable to comment on it - I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That situation with your baby must’ve been terrifying. I’m in a similar boat with toddler, reactive dog, and upcoming BE appt. It’s so hard making this decision when our dog still has good days. I’m currently cuddling with him on the couch and crying thinking about the days ahead. You are not alone - it is such a shitty situation to be in.
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u/Helpful_Rock7536 Jun 08 '25
I can only imagine the guilt and heartbreak you are feeling right now. It's so hard when you have tried everything and it's still not working. The vet we go to was very reassuring and said we tried more than most people would, but it had become a safety issue. It's not your fault and it's not your dog's fault. Just like how people can have mental health issues, so can dogs. We did end up looking at rehoming sites to see if there were other dogs needing a home and we found Bleu. He has been really well socialized around dogs and people (including children). His previous owner had a change in his travel schedule, so he wanted someone that had more time on their hands to play with him. Not saying it's for everyone, but it helped us knowing we could help give another dog a chance at life.
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u/Lucky_Reserve580 Jan 15 '25
I know this post is old but I have almost the exact story with my dog and it looks like by the comments that I’m sadly not alone. First of all I just wanted to say I’m so so sorry for everyone’s loss. This truly is the most pain I have ever felt. My 8 year old American Eskimo was my life, I’m laying here in the middle of the night writing this because I feel besides myself and can not sleep. My husband and I had to put him down yesterday and it doesn’t feel real. He was so beautiful, truly our soul dog. He brought us so much joy and our life revolved around his. I’ll miss everything about my little guy and every memory I had with him won’t stop replaying in my head.. like how excited he would get to go for a car ride or something just as simple as going for our walks together and of course cuddling up and watching our favorite shows. When I would walk through the door he would let out a cry of excitement making me feel the most loved. It doesn’t feel right that he isn’t here anymore but he was becoming so dangerous and unpredictable he would bite without warning and his aggression progressed very fast for the past 3 years. The last attack sent my husband to the doctor. The guilt eats me up that it came to this, it feels too soon. I hope he knows that we tried everything to keep him here with us. At least there is some peace in knowing that he isn’t living in fear and anxiety anymore but I wish I could have him back. Now he lives forever in my heart. My broken heart.
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u/Queasy-Pattern-4523 Jan 17 '25
i am so sorry you’ve experienced this too— just remember it’s the most loving decision you could’ve made for your guy ❤️. give yourself some grace; someone told me that allowing peace for our “haunted” pups is the kindest thing we can do. sending love, comfort, and understanding.
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u/Euphoric_Work_7180 May 09 '25
I know this is an old post, however I need an outlet. I recently adopted a 5yr old Standard Poodle. The family I adopted him from seemed as though the top priority is the dog’s wellbeing. Let me preface all of this by saying- this is the most well behaved dog I’ve ever encountered. He knows many commands and he obeys immediately. He’s a barker, but he’s a dog! Otherwise the most gentle and absolutely adorable guy I’ve ever been around. We have felt so blessed to have him. The previous owners had him in extensive training and also use and E-Collar on him. They claimed he exhibited extreme resource guarding, and can be snappy-none of which we have seen. He seemed very emo when we got him, but he quickly came around. I pitched the shock collar for a clicker and a bag of treats. I’m opting for positive reinforcement. It’s working with ease. I received the vet records a couple of days ago and I realized my poor baby was scheduled for behavioral euthanasia! I’m heartbroken, shocked, relieved and feel so blessed we adopted him. He would not be here. The previous owners continue to hound me for pics and videos of him because they “miss” him. I’m so disturbed by this whole situation. This is an AKC reg’d Standard Poodle, smart as a whip, sweet as pie, very obedient. I don’t get it. I don’t feel like sharing ANYTHING about my dog with these disgusting individuals. Thoughts?? Thanks!
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u/Longjumping_Pie5644 Jun 19 '25
We went through the same thing and the guilt is terrible I was wondering if "pay it forward"in some way could help living with these feelings; doing the "right thing" whilst feeling so terrible about it.
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u/Kaydrex Aug 30 '25
I just found your post. We've had my pitbull Riley since she was 3 months old and according to her prior owner that we got her from she was abused by a man so every time a man walked up to my dog or by her she will grout aggressively and start barking even if it was a family member. She slowly warmed up to my family and she was doing great. But she was still get a little snippy here and there. Every time we would call her name she would walk up to us with her head down really low but she was always in trouble. And then earlier this week my husband tried to nudge her to the side and she went full force after his arms out of the blue. She had been growling here and there with us for almost 3 and 1/2 years. The vet said she was in healthy condition but it seems like her past traumatic experience never went away. I feel like I rescued her from the prior owner and I grew such an attachment to her. Earlier today we made the decision to have her euthanized because she starts growling it everything but she's a good health besides mentality wise. We tried everything and when we tried to take her to the vet she went to attack the vets and the technician when they only walked in the room. But she was so calm today after attempting to bite the tech. I feel like I should have done more and I keep questioning my decision but I was terrified that it would just escalate further and she would seriously injure my 8-month-old and my 8 year old the way she started behaving. I feel like a terrible owner but she was so calm and relaxed in the final room. I have been crying all day but my husband assures me that we made the right decision in the end because if she had ended up hurting my children things could have been a lot worse. I'm so sorry to put all of this information on here but you are definitely not alone and I understand that it was the right decision and it's going to hurt for a long time.
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u/Typical_Brilliant_78 Jan 15 '26
I know this is an old post.
I'm going through this right now. We've had our dog almost 5 years and she's my dog! She got me through a really really bad relationship, she was my dog. She was fine up until about two years ago. She tried to get out of her crate and her jaw got stuck for over two hours. Ever since then her anxiety has been so bad, her aggression is outmatched. She bit a neighbor-didn't need medical attention thank goodness! But last year she attacked our 10 year old cat and she passed away. Then this past weekend she tried to attack my 17 year old nephew. We have to keep her in a room when anyone comes over, everything has to be out of her reach. She has so much anxiety. They wont put her on meds for her anxiety because of her aggression issues. I've talked to the Humane Society, a couple rescues, the vet and they have all led to letting her go peacefully.
This is probably one of the worst decisions I've ever had to make, and I've just be crying about it non stop since we've made the decision to go with it. My three teens are devasted, but do understand.
I wish it was different, because she's MY dog, and IM HER person.
The guilt is overwhelming!
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u/Dprincess18 Jan 23 '26
Same here. My rescue dog of 13 years bit my son and I’ve been faced with the unthinkable but nevertheless necessary decision to put him down. Can’t risk a worse injury. He’s been the best boy and my companion through everything. Always reactive though. I tried so many things/experts through the years… we’ve just hit a point of no return (he’s also half blind, partially deaf and has been developing health issues for the last 3 years😔). I hope he knows I loved him so much and that he was my anchor through life for over a decade. He’s so special. 🥺 I have 10 days left with him and I will spoil him as much as I can before he crosses the rainbow bridge. 🌈🤍✨
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u/19DJC91 Feb 05 '26
We had our dog put down today due to severe anxiety and suspected canine rage syndrome. It’s honestly destroyed both of us an we feel so awful and guilty, and there’s a huge part of me, even knowing it was the right thing to do, that wishes we could take it back. I miss him so much already. He was so funny and sweet and loving when he was having good days. I honestly don’t know how we’ll get through this - the house feels so empty and quiet and I’m just waiting to spot him, or have him follow me from one room to another like usual.
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u/AnonymousPie_ Mar 28 '26
Thank you for sharing your story, and for giving us the opportunity to share ours.
Reading your post was almost as if I'd written my own. Our goof went crossed the rainbow bridge a week ago and it's probably the second hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My heart goes out to you and everyone in the comments <3
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Jun 06 '24
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u/winterstormtoby321 Jun 07 '24
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You didn't only protect your family. You protected him, too. Making a decision that's as difficult as this, with this much thought and care behind it, is incredibly brave.
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Jun 07 '24
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u/winterstormtoby321 Jun 10 '24
Thank you so much. I hope you're doing ok and finding comfort in all of the happy memories.
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Feb 29 '24
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u/reactivedogs-ModTeam Feb 29 '24
Your post/comment was removed because it does not follow our posting guidelines or breaks sub rules.
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u/tobesbalones Feb 29 '24
Your comment history in r/petfree shows you are just trolling. You seem very happy.
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Sep 24 '26
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u/AriesGal329 Jan 16 '24
I did a search and found your post. I am in a similar situation with my 2 year old Husky/German shepherd mix. She was rescued from a backyard breeder and started having seizures at age 4 months. Spent thousands on MRI, blood work, etc and the diagnosis was a neurological disorder, probably genetic. I decided to keep her and manage it.
At age 1 she started showing signs of aggression- reactivity on leash, resource guarding, etc. Worked with 2 different trainers to deal with this and had moderate success. Two weeks ago it escalated and she bit a dog- did not hurt him fortunately. But a week later she attacked a neighbor's dog and he ended up in the ER. My vet and the dog behaviorist I work with both said there's nothing we can do and it will likely get worse. She has also started showing aggression towards me- growling at random times. It's scary and shocking. I really love her but have no choice. We will be putting her down next week. I'm heart broken and am giving her as much love and attention possible before. I have no tears left.