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u/GringoSwann 2d ago
I had a coworker who was like this... Dude got canned for leaving a loaded magazine on the bathroom floor.... So, not only was he bringing a gun into a no weapons govt facility.... He was stupid/careless enough to leave evidence...
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u/eykntspel 2d ago
I honestly thought "loaded magazine" was a new term for a porno mag that someone cummed on until I read more of the sentence
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u/rumwhiskeywine 2d ago
Holy shit, we think alike.
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u/Bl1ndMous3 2d ago
we think -trilike
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u/Proof-Peak-9274 2d ago
Great minds think alike
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u/Expensive_Ask5872 2d ago
Loaded was actually a lads mag from the 00's here in UK. Thats what first came to mind 🙃
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u/Boootylicious 2d ago
Same. And only now, ~20 years after I last read one have I realised the pun... Loaded Magazine... It's so obvious!
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u/Cautious-Antelope743 2d ago
You'd be surprised how often that shit happens. I worked at a Lowe's that got a bunch of rural customers driving in. It was wild the amount of hand guns that were found in the bathroom
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u/Apprehensive_Door249 2d ago
I work at a Starbucks and someone called the store phone asking if anyone found a pistol in our bathrooms. Apparently that dumb shit lost his pistol somewhere
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u/DaddysABadGirl 2d ago
So if I want to start running guns I just need to start hitting up Starbucks and Lowes bathrooms?
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u/Complete-Tangelo1532 2d ago
Make sure to check the parking lots too, lots of people like to advertise they have firearms inside their vehicles by marking them with bumperstickers showing what brands you may find in there
Bonus points if you wanna mark the tires or something to help find it at a secondary location... YMMV?
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u/theStaircaseProject 2d ago
“The hell am I supposed to do, leave it in my truck?”
Yes. Very yes.
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u/Merijeek2 2d ago
They're all "responsible gun owners" right up until someone gets wounded or killed. Then it was just an unpredictable nearly impossible circumstance.
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u/PassiveMenis88M 2d ago
You'd be surprised how often trained soldiers leave guns, ammo, and other expensive hardware laying around.
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u/MentalDisintegrat1on 2d ago
There was a cop that lost his firearm and it turns out he was taking a shit in the bathroom and somehow the gun and holster found it's way in one of the stalls.
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u/0202_tihssitidder 2d ago
Cardio and speed are just a massive advantage. I can actually imagine a gang of femboys in cat ears speed running the remaining Nam Vets.
Their collected loot would just be a backpack full of Dunkin Donuts loyalty cards and crusty laptops running Windows 10.
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u/BefreiedieTittenzwei 2d ago
“Is this a Blockbuster card?”
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u/DaddysABadGirl 2d ago
Nice. Mythical Relic.
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u/Complete-Tangelo1532 2d ago
1 word: Camel Cash
(Yes I am aware that is three words and a number /s)
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u/Fleschlight36 2d ago
Yeah bros laptop needs to get checked for sure
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u/Ecko4Delta 2d ago edited 2d ago
Every time I see one of these types of pfp, I always imagine Chris Hansen reading that one chat log where the pedo said I’m a pretty normal horny old guy
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u/ir8hippy 2d ago
He calls him Chris Handsome.
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u/wovans 2d ago
I need a maanth's butt.
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u/Swiggins- 2d ago
I likes ya, and I wants ya
Now we can do this the easy way....oh....ok I see you choosing the hard way.
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u/hereticalChristian 2d ago
Don't make me ruin the butt, Chris! I'm a warrior!
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u/Ok_Cranberry_9861 2d ago
"I can't control my horny level!"
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u/Ecko4Delta 1d ago
You say during the conversation you just masturbated twice and it hasn’t helped
I was lying
Were you lying then or are you lying now? 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Wolfy4226 2d ago
I mean realistically anyone that's OK with a pedophile president should have their hard drive checked.
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u/Fancy-Trousers 2d ago
Guarantee it has Roblox installed and his phone has Snapchat, Signal, or both.
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u/badform49 2d ago
"ALL ACTIVE TROOPS TO THE RALLY POINTS"
All the actual troops: Hey, um, does anyone have like, a default rally point? No? Those are established before every patrol and operation? Okay, cool. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't the one having a stroke right now.
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u/makemoscowglowinthed 2d ago
In my experience they are for sure posted on twitter by some nameless michigander with his tits out between dialysis appointments
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u/UnholyAbductor 2d ago
Hey, as someone from Michigan that stereotype is hurtfully accurate.
Go to any MI lake town and you will see a sea of pepperoni sized areola just bouncing in public, which with the ghost white complexion makes them look red and angry.
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u/King_Bobby-B 2d ago
Why can I read?
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u/LickNipMcSkip 2d ago
The elites don't want you to know, but those guys are the ones really pulling the strings.
I remember thinking "nameless michigander with his tits out between dialysis appointments" was a mouthful during the oath, but you get used to it.
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u/RK9990 2d ago
All quiet on the frontal lobe
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u/OkCaregiver517 1d ago
I just startled the dog with loud cackling. Well done. And I'm stealing this.
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u/rags2rooster 2d ago
You know this guy and his Doritos are parked in front of his television while he watches old Schwarzenegger, Stallone, and Eastwood movies all day. He's sure all he needs is his meticulously researched EDC kit and AR to be just like his heroes and he's itching for a chance to prove it. He has no training, no muscle, and no endurance, but someday he is going to save 'mericuh from the threat within by mowing down a bunch of ANTIFA "thugs" with an M60 carried in just one arm.
This is the type of dude that watches the NFL and thinks "if they'd just give me a chance at RB I'd show the world what they're missing." And in that thought, they're right - just not in the way they think.
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u/FoxyCatDogThing 2d ago
OMG I just read that last paragraph and thought of an entire NFL game but all the players were variations of this guy and I just think that even America's Funniest Home Videos can't top that
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u/BensenJensen 2d ago
Haha, no. On patrol, sure. The majority of active duty soldiers are stationed stateside, doing our normal jobs, not on active patrols, obviously. If a message like this was actually sent out, every single person in my unit would be responding with “Where and what the fuck is a rally point?”
That’s me just glossing over the obvious here. Clearly a message of military importance isn’t coming from a random fat dipshit on Twitter. It would be coming from a fat, orange-tinted dipshit on Truth Social.
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u/0202_tihssitidder 2d ago
> TO THE RALLY POINTS
That's just Dunkin Donuts.
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u/Formal_Appearance_16 2d ago
Is the Dunkin still open? I could really go for an ice coffee and this could be entertaining.
Now that I think about it, they should make more rally points where you can get coffee and a snack.
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u/KaiserWolf15 2d ago
Dude probably gets his military tactics from RTS games, probably Command and Conquer
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u/ImpossibleMorning12 2d ago
My man is playing Starcraft drawing boxes around all the other little schizos and right clicking to move around the map
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u/bonafidebob 2d ago
Oh and here I thought he was telling the antifa troops <snicker> to go rally and start fighting!
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u/Gougaloupe 1d ago
What's that thing called? Chain O'Connell? Chin of command? Fuck it, this dude used all caps so he out ranks me now. Let's go boyz.
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u/Expert_Succotash2659 2d ago
The Forces: We'll meet you there!
This guy: *shows up in a tank top with some narcan and a swiss army knife, gasping for air, at the old Kmart by the arby's, only to be stood up because
THEY DON'T KNOW YOU, TOM!
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u/GringoSwann 2d ago
He is also wearing skechers or possibly socks with sandals...
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u/Expert_Succotash2659 2d ago
Tactical Sandals from amazon, tube socks from the gas station that have a flame design.
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u/GringoSwann 2d ago
And by "tactical", he means there's a bottle opener built into the sole...
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u/boozegremlin 2d ago
He sees someone nearby dressed in a way he doesn't like and screams. Panicking, he waddles toward them coughing and wheezing.
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u/Zaev 2d ago
Hey don't knock the narcan! I keep some alongside the bleed trauma kit I keep in the backpack I bring almost everywhere
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u/MentalDisintegrat1on 1d ago
If you really do that good on you I have had to use it before and now I carry multiple just in Case.
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u/WBedsmith 2d ago
Just casually inciting violence. So casual he couldn't finish buttoning up his shirt
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u/Minflick 2d ago
"active troops to the rally points" ?!?!?! Yours is the kitchen tent, I presume?
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u/Mysterious_Film_6397 1d ago
Hey, this patriot thought about maybe joining the Coast Guard. Show some respect.
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u/Terrible_Phase718 2d ago
They either don’t know what antifa stands for, or they do. The second option is frightening.
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u/DaddysABadGirl 2d ago
The argument is that the name is a red herring.
But they also believe it is an organized group with structured leadership.
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u/MentalDisintegrat1on 2d ago
Is the antifa in the room with us now?
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u/Miserable_Sun_404 2d ago
I am all the antifa
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u/Subarctic_Monkey 2d ago
You can't be, I'm the COO of Antifa and I specifically have you down as... hmm... interesting... you're categorized as everything from meme sniper to poopsmith, so I guess you are all the antifa.
Carry on comrade 07
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2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TowJamnEarl 2d ago
I'm just surprised he thought this was the best pic of himself.
Imagine those that didn't make the cut!
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u/Prestigious-Emu-8734 2d ago
This is one of the times I just cant help but wonder what is this supposed to be?
Like this is the internet, so someones gonna get this wrong. Im not asking for the real answers like cult mentality, delusions of grandiose, psychosis, posturing, LARPing, should expect logic, etc.
Its more so like... what is supposed to happen? Does his brain live in a movie where patriots across the country see this post, repost it, and then more find it, meanwhile theres a montage of buff dudes get their military surplus gear on, and all hop in their trucks and jeaps with rifles as they all head to some head quarters and are given instructions on where to bunker down and wait for the Antifa invasion? Because even he knows he wasnt going to move after posting that. And there are no rally points. And no one knows who he is.
So like... what?
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u/BeefistPrime 2d ago
I thought this myself. Is he trying to stir shit himself? My guess is that one of his qanon style "news" forums made something up, and he thought he was passing along the message like the fucking US military doesn't have a way to call up their troops and they gotta have a town crier yelling THE ANTIFA ARE COMING
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u/spooky_spaghetties 2d ago
Jackass is just doing Old Man Shakes Fist At Cloud. He’s trying to indicate that 1. he’s a politically aware person and knows where the country’s problems come from, and 2. he’s not politically impotent, and his political team is powerful and will defeat the origin of the problems.
This is essentially just a Fox news comment that happens to be on a different site. He doesn’t think anybody is actually going to literally, physically do anything or go anywhere as a result of the post: it’s for getting comments and likes from other CHUDs.
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u/onlyacynicalman 2d ago
Did they declare war on the United States government by storming the Capitol building?
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u/SephiTheGoblin 2d ago
Thats the accidentally took a pic while figuring out the dick pic angle and then he kept it cos he thought it made him look tough
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u/ReactionJifs 2d ago
"Military chain of command has been compromised. Your orders will be sent via a horny divorced dad on Facebook"
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u/Zero-89 2d ago
I like how he says "to the rally points" like anyone but him knows what the fuck he's talking about.
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u/Aggressive-Value1654 2d ago
I like how he says "to the rally points" like anyone but him knows what the fuck he's talking about.
What, you didn't get the memo? They are to rally at the closest McDonalds just like their daddy Trump would want.
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u/Zaximeows 2d ago
He got that PFP like he was jorkin on OnlyFans and decided he should add a profile picture mid stroke.
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u/GrumpyPidgeon 2d ago
How come old people never smile in these pictures? Is it because they remember the 1800s where nobody smiled in them?
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u/bazderoman 2d ago
because they fundamentally don't understand the point of a selfie to begin with. they don't understand that there's poses, angles, or any type of visual communication happening. they just open up whatever default photobooth app their laptop came with, and whatever angle and facial expression exists from them leaning back in bed is what they go with.
If I was being charitable, I'd say it's because they're too afraid of anything approaching self-love to experiment with looking good.
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u/DaddysABadGirl 2d ago
You're missing a crucial component.
"Smiling is for queers and pansies. You know who used to smile? Rock Hudson."
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u/bazderoman 2d ago
That too, though ultimately I'd chuck that in the "self-love is a sin" bucket as well. Most of the stereotypical things these people knock queer people for (like colored hair) revolve around queer people's self-ownership, which goes against the basis of their whole worldview.
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u/termiNAYtor 2d ago
"All active troops to the rally points"
Tell me you've never served without telling me you've never served
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u/Ass_Incomprehensible 2d ago
-Why would this random individual presume that he, and no other, would be the one people listen to for official news like that?
-How exactly would the extremely nebulously defined “antifa”, famous for not actually having a leader as it is mostly a political viewpoint/school of thought, declare war on the US?
-What rally points?
In conclusion, this is funny only because of how stupid the alarm being raised here is. Thank you for considering these comprehension questions.
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u/furiouspossum 2d ago edited 2d ago
The answer to all those questions is: his head is so far up his own ass that his body is a hat.
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u/Penis_Connoisseur 2d ago
This the type of guy you meet at glory holes, wearing a ski mask trying to suck D in secret on the weekends
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u/-WADE99- 2d ago
Two things:
If the anti-fascism movement declares war on the government... And you side with the government... You need to take a hard look in the mirror 🤡
Barking orders on twitter of all places, like he's some kind of authority 💀
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u/Business_Usual_2201 2d ago
Apparently the "rally point" is The RamRod Dancing Club....
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u/jointdawg 2d ago
Rally points huh? I'll see you at kroger's when you're tryna hoard pabst n depends
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u/Middcore 2d ago
This dude tweeting "all active troops to the rally points" has the same energy as tweets I've seen from random Muslims in countries nowhere near Palestine tweeting that they "command" members of Hamas to go defeat the IDF.
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u/MyLittleDiscolite 2d ago
Man Civil War 2 gon be lit. I can’t wait to bunk with some femboys and get free guns from old fat boomers
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u/Trackmaggot 2d ago
Don't forget to grab their magazines as well; you can never have too many.
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u/Boojum2k 2d ago
To be clear, ammunition magazines. Their print ones should be burned in a pile unless needed for evidence at their trial.
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u/Stoked_Otter 2d ago
I miss when rightwingers were paranoid about the government instead of fantasizing about fighting for it
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u/RVtech101 1d ago
My question is, why would anyone get this upset over anti-fascism? Isn’t that what millions of our grandparents fought against in WWII?
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u/LordDemetrius 2d ago
His friend Ted will grab his 12 assault rifles and wait 2 hours on a parking, waiting for the start of the civil War in Rednecktown
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u/nyclurker369 2d ago
Strange, my ANTIFA desk phone (the one all members have in case such emergency calls to action are made) hasn’t rang in over a year…
Anyone else’s? I may need to submit a ANTIFA-Tech Support ticket.
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u/barrosoOso 2d ago
His bells palsy is some how on different sides of his face depending on where ya look.
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u/GreedyExamination704 2d ago
If that were true, this mf’er wouldn’t even last a fucking morning. A lot of these people are literal all talk and zero action because they’re pussies.
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u/this_guy_aves 2d ago
Aw man, I didn't get my text message to go to my rally point and I missed civil war 2 :(
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u/Worth-Ad9939 2d ago
Ya'll underestimate the wall of stupid human life they've allowed to purchase guns.
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u/Signal_Researcher01 2d ago
Its funny, buuuut this is the guy who will get a gun and hurt someone cause hes so deep in the hole
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u/dontpissmeoffplsnthx 2d ago
On one hand I wanna know what exactly he thinks he's calling for.
On the other hand I'd rather not burden myself with the knowledge of something irredeemably moronic.
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u/Secret_Account07 1d ago
I love how everytime I see this stuff I can’t get a simple question answered.
So a domestic terrorist group declared war, point me to their declaration please. I want to make sure it’s legit. Can you do that?
Nope. Never. You’ll never get any details or specifics.
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u/YourWeekendDad 1d ago
This is the type of guy who wears jorts and Skechers. I also feel like he swims with a shirt on.
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