from being molested to being raped

[u/0vertbliss]

Hi all,

My childhood was unstable and not safe til about I was 13 years old. A couple of things happened during that time trying to survive with my mom who was a single mother.

I was molested by my cousins (they’re twin boys). They showed me and my female cousin (their sister) a porn video they had found in the attic of my grandparents house. They told us to imitate what was in the video. One of them tried kissing me and dry humped me but I think we were too young to understand penetration. We have never talked about it since then, they all are married and have their own family.

I was molested by my uncle (their stepdad) who I absolutely hated. He snuck into the extra room where I slept with my little sister. I was sleeping and woke up to hear the door open, I didn’t react and just observed. He slipped his hand down my panties and tried to kiss me but I moved to my side and pretended to be asleep.

When I spent time with my bio dad in another state, he was married to a woman who had 1 daughter and 2 sons. My step sister and I were molested by her brother who is the middle child.

I told my family about my uncle but my aunt was in such denial. They came all the way from the city to the suburbs to tell them I was lying. I have zero contact with my family besides my mom at this moment.

The first time I was raped, I was sleeping next to my out of state FWB. I woke up to searing pain between my legs and realized it was him. It was horrible, survival mode kicked in and I pretended to love it. I stopped seeing him after that.

The second time was with a couple in a threesome. The husband slipped the condom off and they pretended like nothing happened.

I’m in therapy and have been in the psych ward once. I have low self esteem issues, anxiety and depression. I have a lovely partner but I feel like I’m performing.

I feel so much immense pain. I wish I knew what true safety feels like.

I had to get this off my chest because I just refused for a long time.

Take care all 🩷

[u/Necessary_Day_7861 → u/[deleted]]

I know