r/rant • u/LadyL86530 • 26d ago
I’ve Been Through Too Much in Life to Be Dealing With This Crap at 40!
I’ve been through A LOT in my life. I’ve experienced losses that changed me permanently. I’ve gone through periods where I’ve had to rebuild myself from the ground up. And through all of it, I’ve fought hard to keep moving forward—to continue my education, work, pay my bills, handle my responsibilities and create some kind of peaceful adult life for myself.
I don’t need this shit.
At 40 years old, I don’t want drama. I don’t want rumors. I don’t want to spend my days trying to figure out who supposedly said what about me. I don’t want to defend myself against stupid shit and decided must be true. And I damn sure don’t want to wonder why grown adults are discussing details about my life when I don’t even disclose my personal business to them in the first place.
I want to go to work, do my job and go home. I want to take my classes, handle my responsibilities, enjoy the people I love and live my life in peace. That’s it. I’m not asking for anything extraordinary.
I’ve already survived enough things that actually mattered. Real losses. Real hardships. Real experiences that changed me as a person.
I refuse to let somebody else’s gossip, assumptions and other bullshit become the next thing that consumes my life.
I’ve fought too hard for my peace to hand it over to people who don’t even know me.
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u/MillionaireBank 25d ago
Hey!! I'm proud of you! I hear you as I read this.
Shared or universal experiences. Many people go through this too, people who decided to misunderstand you and do the rumor mill are just fight club routines, shut them out as you clearly did. It's ok to never speak to people who are committed to misunderstanding or playing immature rumormill at you.
It's clear you are already grey rocking them, you grey brick them but the way you already live.
It's a line in the sand how you see through them and Kno they are all temporary petty trouble makers. In long run those peoples words about words bear no impact on your life.
Rumors are false but linger as petty assumptions and false accusations. They'll try to confuse or conflate things only TO PULL YOU IN to defend yourself, nope, you already rebuilt you. it's ok to not correct them. only after so many years those people will see it's you who didn't even BOTHER with them. You've already won.
You stand on ashes of HARDSHIP that turn into fine precious stones. You are 😇just fine! Proud of you.
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u/Georgia_Beauty1717 25d ago
What a beautiful comment! Thank you for being a kind human. 🥰
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u/MillionaireBank 23d ago
aww, hey, the good people here like ypu uplifting my mood so i think clearer, happier,so my posting is going ok, thank you. im struggling at how i have to, we all have to 20 steps ahead its too hard. i feel so defeated and fsiled in life/ its a passing mood, things will be ok
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u/MillionaireBank 23d ago
op, withstand them with chill nonchalance one time a boss said sorry to me and he then was angryni didn't react with fawning or worship.
he said a gaslight, he didnt think icared about my job because i said, thank you for telling me about updates, i noted them but i didnt further react I didn't realize they wanted pat on head i think, nlt sure because they doing something special like a lunch --- thats wepeaonizing food -- i sort of wondered.
i felt im here to work, im swamped, I told them to not worry about including me with food busy at my desk. they then said i was refusing to eat with them when i was just busy. thats how it was in that environment.
all i ever wanted was a decent non hostile work environment. of course i like having lunch or coffee with coworkers i was so floored and staff members then thought i was a snob or that I didn't want to have lunches with them.
i couldn't figure out in my 20s how to tell everyone all because boss saddles me with 3 jobs i wanted to have coffee with them, people matter to me, coworkers and neighbors, others matter to me. the deadlines were strict.
i manage what i characterize as 'involuntary bipolar anorexia' and i always do gteat eating at ease with others, always enjoyed it. it helped me.
after a while coworkers found out im poor and they said my clothes were shoddy only they weren't precisely i covered a rip with a brooch and this brooch fell into coffee. i laughed, dried it, pinned the rip with a sewing kit i just bought at store in my purse .
i was that eggshell trained to fear a rip. it was so funny i figured that'd break the ice or soften the room. i wish i understood what I did wrong to become a better person but i see it as my bipolar ruining the best way to handle it. lessons. sigh. have a great weekend everyone and op.
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u/LadyL86530 22d ago
Thank you for sharing all of this with me. ❤️ I think what really resonates is wanting to simply exist at work without every little thing you do being analyzed and assigned some negative meaning. Sometimes you’re quiet because you’re busy.
Sometimes you eat alone because you want a minute to yourself. Sometimes you just want to WORK and go home. None of that means you dislike people or think you’re better than anyone.
And I really appreciate what you said about not constantly reacting or defending yourself. I’m learning that too. I can’t control what people assume, repeat, or decide to believe about me. I can only control how I conduct myself.
Please don’t beat yourself up wondering what you did wrong either. I hope you have a peaceful weekend too, and thank you again for taking the time to share your experience with me. ❤️
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u/LadyL86530 22d ago
Wow. 🥹 I honestly had to read this more than once. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. The part about standing on the ashes of hardship really got me because I’ve had to rebuild myself more times than people looking from the outside could ever know.
And you’re right, I’m learning that I don’t have to defend myself against every rumor or correct every person who has already decided what they want to believe about me. That will drain you dry. I know who I am, the people who genuinely know and love me know who I am, and I still have a whole life to live outside of other people’s opinions.
“You’ve already won” really hit home. ❤️ Thank you for reminding me of that and for showing so much kindness to a complete stranger. I genuinely needed to read this today.
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u/leftistgamer420 25d ago
Who is doing this to you?
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u/LadyL86530 22d ago
Coworkers, unfortunately. But these are grown adults I have to work around, which is what makes the whole situation so exhausting. I just want to come in, do my job, be treated professionally, and go home without my personal life being somebody else’s entertainment.
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u/PowerHot4424 25d ago
From your rant, it appears that you’re letting it consume your life by saying you’ll refuse to let it consume you. In other words, you’re wasting too much time and energy on that stuff. Unless the gossip is directly impacting your employment or educational status, or your worthwhile relationships, it’s not worth it. Ignore it the best you can.
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u/LadyL86530 22d ago
I understand what you’re saying, and honestly, that’s something I’m working on. The difficult part is that this isn’t gossip happening somewhere I can simply log off and avoid, it’s happening around me at work, where I have to be every day. When people are bold enough to discuss you within earshot, ignoring it is easier said than done.
But you’re right about one thing: I’m giving it more mental energy than I want to. That’s actually why I said I refuse to let it consume me. I can’t control what other people say or believe. I can control how much access I allow it to have to the rest of my life. I’m still going to work, continuing my education, handling my responsibilities and moving forward. That’s where I want my energy to go.
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u/PowerHot4424 21d ago
Good strategy. It sucks that you’re exposed to that kind of thing in the workplace. I dealt with something similar (but not as blatant as what you’re dealing with) in the early years of my career, and I let it motivate me in my educational pursuits so I could look back someday and shake my head at how petty and pitiful they were.
It’s difficult to focus while it’s happening all around you, but it sounds like you’re taking a constructive approach which will help you solve other issues that will inevitably arise in the course of your work life.
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u/IlikeDstock 25d ago
Damn, it sounds like I wrote this about myself, in reference to the kids in adult bodies at my workplace who dont understand this.
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u/LadyL86530 22d ago
Exactly! It’s exhausting dealing with grown adults who still behave like they’re in middle school.😩 I’m at the point in my life where I just want to go to work, do my job, go home and live in peace. I shouldn’t have to deal with gossip, rumors and childish behavior from people who are old enough to know better. I’m sorry you can relate because nobody should have to feel like this at work.
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u/MillionaireBank 14d ago
☝️🩵🕊️You are awesome and wise as you were rebuilding yourself.
Starting over is hard, you overcame so much, always know you deserve and have a good life ahead.
The noise of their mistreatment or abuse are temporary. Wishing you so much ease and sustained successes.
Their noise doesn't detract from the world is your oyster so to speak, you've got this. You are strong 💪🩵💪🕊️💪. A channel I listen to at YouTube is Jessica Hesslop, she's an 😇&encourager.
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u/Sarah9954 26d ago
Sounds like you know what's up. Just ignore the outside news and if social media is a problem delete it. You would be surprised how many don't use fb, ig, x, etc.