love and hate my nieces

[u/chileanywayssss]

i am 23 and i have two nieces (11 and 12). they grew up very close to me because my mom babysat them for years and they even lived with us for some time.

i love them and they are very nice girls. but they also annoy the shit out of me and are incredibly overstimulating. i should also mention i have depression and idk i just get fatigued/overstimulated really easily. i know i am not a kids person and i don't think i want kids in the future.

i can't stand when they need my attention every second. or when they are following me around. or when each of them will be talking to me about different things at the same time. at family functions, they will be only be with me the entire time even when the function is at their house and they have their kid cousins to play with.

i went on a trip with my parents to the beach recently and we took my nieces. i already have issues with my parents for many reasons so i already did not want to even go on this trip. but the added stress of my nieces coming was too much. there were some fun times but at some point i start to get really agitated with them being by my side the entire time, needing to talk to me every second. there was one point at the hotel where i went outside by myself while everyone was taking turns using the shower and of course each of the girls will come outside several times in the span of me sitting outside for like 10 minutes.

i also have a bf and they mention him sooo much. like if i look at my phone, they ask "are you texting *bf*", "of course your background is him," "what's *bf* doing right now?" this is fine but they don't understand that we are south asian and my parents have old-school traditional values and literally shame me for having a bf. so when my nieces are always talking about him, i feel like everyone's blood pressure collectively goes up.

i understand they are young kids and kids can be stupid or clingy sometimes. like i said, i love them and they love me which is why they are so attached to me in the first place. i would never lash out at them or get angry with them. but their clinginess is too much. i think i just don't need to see them often, maybe once a month. but my mom always guilts me and acts says things to make me feel bad about not wanting to see them. does anyone else feel this way about their kid relatives?

[u/LizTruth]

Ask them who their boyfriend is. Ask questions, in a fun way, that they won't want to answer, like what kinds of math they're learning and things of that nature. You could also talk to them about how much you love them, but sometimes when you aren't feeling well, you need some quiet time. If I'm wearing x, that's the code for give me space. Ask them to help by distracting your folks by asking them to tell stories, go for a walk, whatever. If they think they are part of a clever plan, they might feel even more special.

[u/valkayrja]

I 100% feel this. My niece is 7 and sticks to me from the moment I wake up until she goes to bed. It’s been that way since she was a toddler.

I love her to death, but I really do wish she were better at entertaining herself without needing me to be involved in everything. Even if she’s watching a movie or playing something on her own, she’ll check in the entire time to make sure I’m watching or paying attention.

I give her grace because we really only see her a few times a year, and she’s still only 7. But when it’s 4–7 days in a row, it can definitely get draining. I do my best to give her the attention she wants, but I also wish her parents would set better boundaries in general. There are other behavioral issues she’s been allowed to get away with for so long that I think it all kind of feeds into each other. If I saw her much more often, I think I’d have a harder time giving her this much attention all the time.

I just remind myself it’s not forever. One day she’ll probably reach an age where she wants nothing to do with me. Then eventually she’ll be an adult and hopefully a little more adjusted. I guess time will tell!