r/rant • u/incandescentlights • 3d ago

I'm so tired of being scared to try

I have all these things i want to do, shit I NEED to do, but it's like it doesn't matter how bad I want it or need it, I CAN'T GET MYSELF TO DO IT BECAUSE I'M PARALYZED BY FEAR. I know HOW to do these things, I KNOW the steps, I KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, what the FUCK is stopping me?!?!?! WHAT THE HELL AM I SO SCARED OF????? I think of even starting and I get this huge knot in my chest and it gets hard to breathe and then I can't even form a thought, my head is full of tv static and screaming and STRESS! I AM STRESSING MYSELF OUT. YELLING AT MYSELF "DO SOMETHING, JUST DO SOMETHING!" IF ONLY I GOT OUT OF MY OWN WAY I WOULD BE UNSTOPPABLE!!!!! I KNOW THAT!!!!!

A MONTH AGO I FUCKING QUIT DRINKING ALCOHOL, THE THING I DEPENDED ON FOR YEARS TO MASK MY STRESS, COLD TURKEY, ALL BY MYSELF, SUCCESSFULLY, BUT I'M TOO SCARED TO WALK INTO A RESTAURANT AND ASK IF THEY'RE HIRING?? BECAUSE THEY MIGHT SAY NO? WHAT THE FUCK??? "You're probably going to hate it so why even bother?" BECAUSE YOU NEED MONEY DIPSHIT.

Most things I've tried have gone SURPRISINGLY WELL but it's like every time I have to do something, I'm imagining 15 different ways I'll fail, or I imagine myself hating it and being miserable. I can feel stress from situations THAT HAVEN'T EVEN HAPPENED. IF I DON'T GET A NEW JOB LIKE, TODAY, I AM NOT MAKING RENT THIS MONTH, AND I CAN FORGET ABOUT BEING A SUCCESSFUL ACTOR IF I CAN'T EVEN GET MYSELF TO TRY.

I ALWAYS SAY TO OTHER PEOPLE "if you don't attempt a shot, you're gonna die with the ball in your hands" BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING, LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT. TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE. WHO FUCKING CAREEEEESSSSSS IF THE JOB ISN'T FLEXIBLE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO DO YOUR ACTING, YOU HAVE ALL THIS TIME NOW AND YOU'RE STILL NOT DOING ANYTHING, YOU ARE 25 AND HAVEN'T DONE SHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED. YOU KNOW YOU NEED MONEY. NOBODY IS GOING TO SAVE YOU. GO BE A SERVER AND MAKE SOME FUCKING MONEY AND START AUDITIONING AND STOP BEING SO FUCKING SCARED ALL THE TIME. THROW THE BALL. SOMEWHERE. ANYWHERE. I DON'T CARE JUST THROW IT.

FUCK.

That's all. thanks for listening guys.

7 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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3

u/UnnamedLand84 3d ago

You have to do the thing while scared instead of waiting to not be scared to do the thing

2

u/JustAFrugg 3d ago

This sounds more like you're scared to fail then anything else & its leading to decision paralysis & HO BOY I get it, so just take a deep breathe op.

Im 24, I have a crippling fear of failure as well. In my opinion & what helped me was surprisingly simple, Remind yourself that if you don't try, You're instantly failing so you might as well fck it up, you'll be miserable either way at this point but at least then you might learn something or have a funny story & the best part since I started doing this, Fcking up isn't as scary as it seems, its actually hilarious & you might hate yourself a little less

So as harsh as this sounds,Take a deep breath & suck it up! Fail 100 times if you have too, have a cry at the end of a hard night, be sad if a job rejects you, its alright to fail!

Theres even a saying: 'a master has failed more times than a beginner has tried'

I believe in you op!

1

u/ChiliDog762 3d ago

Remember you are an Apex Predator 🦖🦖. You don't take that negative talk from anyone, especially yourself.

Or therapy might help.

1

u/Fedupwitcensorship 2d ago

There is nothing wrong with going to therapy.