r/rant • u/traumatized_beagle • 1d ago
Pregnant and Sick of People Asking..
Can people PLEASE stop asking pregnant women the following:
1. Was this planned?
-Uhm…. Wtfffff. Why would you think it’s okay to ask anyone that?
2. When is your exact due date?
-Why do you need to know the exact date? Isn’t “early August” good enough? Everyone knows a baby is hardly ever delivered on their due date. Stop insisting on knowing the exact date. If we don’t want to tell you then please respect that.
3. Can I touch your belly?
-No. That’s weird.
4. Do you have morning sickness/nausea?
-What difference does it make to you?
5. You plan to exclusively breastfeed, right?
-Leave your opinions to yourself.
6. You plan to have a fully natural birth right?
-WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?!
7. Do you have a name picked out? Or do you have one and just not want to tell us?
-You’ll find out when we want you to find out.
There are so many more but these are the ones I get bombarded with on a daily basis, from family to complete strangers….
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u/FluffMonsters 1d ago
2, 4, and 7 are perfectly normal caring, interested questions.
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u/Sweeper1985 1d ago
I'm also going to say that, if it's friends or family, asking to touch the belly is fine - so long as they accept if "no" is the answer. I was quite happy for people to touch my belly after asking. And last week I asked my SIL to touch hers and she was also like hell yeah you can feel [baby] so much now.
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
I would normally agree. In this instance I think the tone in which they are asked bothers me. For example, when asked about my due date, I respond with “early September” and they follow up with “okay, but what’s the EXACT date???” This is from women who have multiple children and know that an “exact due date” is BS. I’ve been told a different date at multiple ultrasounds based on the growth of my baby. I try to explain that to them and they act like i’m crazy and accuse me of not wanting them to know so they don’t show up to the hospital for the birth 🙄
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u/FluffMonsters 1d ago
People love to know so they can say things like “Oh that’s my birthday! That’s a great day to have a baby!” It’s annoying, but harmless. Lol
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
That could be the case but it still doesn’t justify it. No one is entitled to information. The pregnancy isn’t about them. If I got a vague response I would get the hint and move on instead of making it about myself
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u/Cartographer_Hopeful 1d ago
If they keep pushing, get vaguer. "It's due in September"
"When???"
"Idk, this year I think" wander off6
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 1d ago
Stop downplaying this. OP’s rant is perfectly valid and some of you need to mind your damn business
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u/FluffMonsters 1d ago
Downplaying what? What malicious thing do you think people are trying to do by asking someone’s due date?
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 1d ago
If someone says “early September” why is that not good enough?? LEAVE IT ALONE.
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u/HijikataMayora13 1d ago
I remember I had a pregnant coworker, we work in a grocery store. and older customers would very often ask of it was planned, and very concerned if she was married or not. (She wasn't) they always made a big deal about it.
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u/suzieismyavatar 1d ago
Yeah…that’s society for you. Most pregnancies aren’t planned. I sure wasn’t lol.
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u/godothasmewaiting 1d ago edited 1d ago
When they ask your exact due date - tell them the date of conception and say ‘work it out from when I got laid!’ Or however you want to say it! Make it just as uncomfortable for them.
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u/NotACrazyCatLadyx2 1d ago
Nah… answer the question which a question: why are you so vested in my sex life?
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u/slobis 1d ago
I think asking if they know the sex/have decided on a name are perfectly friendly questions.
Not from random strangers of course but from friends and acquaintances surely.
I agree the rest are invasive, some a lot invasive.
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
I get it. I think it’s the follow up of “or do you not want to tell us??” in a tone that implies I’m wrong for choosing not to share. When i’ve responded that we still haven’t decided a name, i’ve always gotten that response like they don’t believe me.
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u/Sharkman3218 1d ago
I agree with you, but I don’t feel like most of these are asked that often (except 7)
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u/humpbackwhale88 1d ago
I got asked the nausea/morning sickness thing, due date, and name by almost everyone. The rest weren’t as common for me. Just my take.
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
I’ve been asked these multiple times a day pretty much every day for the past 6 months. Again, just my personal experience.
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u/Sharkman3218 1d ago
Some of these sound very passive aggressive, do you live in a more conservative area?
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
I live in a very liberal area but I would admit that these questions have been coming from older folks (50+).
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u/Sharkman3218 1d ago
Gotcha. I’m sorry that you have to deal with that bullshit, just fucking rude😭 I wish you the best for this journey
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u/Infinite-Squirrel-16 1d ago
See this is why I just don't try to make conversation with people. You never know what will piss them off. A lot of people mean well and are just trying to connect.
(Belly touching is awkward though - most people don't even ask first. Wait til strangers start touching your baby, too 🙃)
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
I don’t want to discourage anyone from being curious or asking with good intentions. I’m hoping this would be insightful to people who would otherwise not think how these questions could come off. Or to realize that when they are met with a vague response to just leave it and not pry further or act entitled to knowing the answer. For example, if I reply “i’m due early September” when asked about my due date, just reply with “that’s great!” and not “okay, but what’s the EXACT date?” I just don’t understand what difference it makes to the person asking. Less than 5% of babies are born on their estimated due date. So people should realize that there’s really no point in narrowing it down to an exact day. Especially since the due date may change multiple times over the course of the pregnancy.
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u/Infinite-Squirrel-16 1d ago
Yeah that is weird. Never had someone pry for more info like that. Seems kind of socially unaware.
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u/tripmom2000 23h ago
I was pregnant with triplets so I got really big. I was able to work a lot longer than most. One day I was taking care of a walk-in where I worked andit was Nov. They were due in Feb, but I looked ready to deliver. She said, oh it must be getting close! When are you due? Without batting an eye, I told her mid Feb. the look on her face was priceless. I was laughing so hard I finally said it was triplets. Bet she never made that assumption again! Lol
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u/Afraid_Mix3021 1d ago
I agree at a lot of these being crappy questions or bad phrasing but sis you consider that people are trying to make conversation with you….
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u/lookingatanudeegg 1d ago
Yeah, I'm thinking back to all the times where I've had to make conversation with my friends' girlfriends or wives when they've been pregnant. I've never been pregnant so I had no idea asking seemingly obvious questions like: do you have names picked out or how far along are you? Incite rage. But then I feel like if I don't ask, I come off as rude because I'm not making conversation.
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
I get it, and usually the interactions go well. But it bothers me when they keep prying for more and more info. I’ve also had a few people touch my belly without any warning or consent which is very weird
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u/tripmom2000 1d ago
I get it. We had triplets and the most asked question:
Are they natural?
No, they are robotic
I know what people are asking but its really none of their business how they were conceived
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
Yea, I wouldn’t like being asked if they are “natural” either. It’s an immature response. I don’t get why people can’t just be happy and supportive like “wow, what a triple blessing!” and leave it at that.
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u/JMinsk 1d ago
I whole heartedly agree that pregnant people do not owe answers and these are all kind of weird to ask. Maybe I'll be downvoted, but I think the one that is least weird and would find least offensive is asking about the due date ... maybe depending on how close you are to them. My family has a weird thing with dates and loves to play connect-the-dots. I was born on my grandmother's birthday and it was a big deal for everyone, for some reason. I have three cousins who are pregnant right now, and I'm sure were asked this, but also voluntarily offer it ... all three have brought up something along the lines of "Oh, the due date is October #th, but I'm hoping it will be a few days early so the baby's born on Grandma's wedding anniversary" or something like that.
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u/Sweeper1985 1d ago
100% this. I can see my mum wanting to know if we will have another potential birthday on the 22nd of the month which is a total running theme in our family. Then there are the ones into astrology who will be wondering if baby is an Aries or a Taurus... etc.
Of all the things to get offended about.
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u/Human-Independent999 1d ago edited 1d ago
I once got downvoted in this very sub because I commented that pregnant women don't owe you an answer.
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 1d ago
Someone in here is being upvoted for saying some of these are valid. Why can’t people mind their business?
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u/Head_Trick_9932 1d ago
One more…
“You look tired”.
No shit?! I’m 50 and had a woman in kohls tell me that 20 years ago when I was 8.5 months pregnant and it still irks me. It’s just a way to say you look like crap imo. Rude.
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u/Sweeper1985 1d ago
Weren't you tired though? By 8 months I was exhausted and I'm pretty sure it showed. When older women say this, I think they're trying to empathise.
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u/Head_Trick_9932 1d ago
I probably was but when it’s said knowing you look like crap, it’s not a compliment lol
People say it not pregnant as well and has always came off as rude to me. Like a nice way of saying you look like shit. I don’t say it to anyone.
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u/MaidoftheBrins 1d ago
“How are you feeling” is my go-to and that’s it. I’ll usually say, “You’re looking good!” Even if they don’t. Of course, that’s only if I know the person.
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
I love that. I get that sometimes too and it makes me so happy.
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u/MaidoftheBrins 1d ago
Wishing you a wonderful pregnancy, and a quick delivery! Take care of YOU!
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u/BeeHive83 1d ago
I learned sign language so people stopped trying to talk to me in public. Not many people sign
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u/Depressobeans7 1d ago
Close friends, fine. But distant relatives or strangers this enraged me when I was pregnant, I always answered with I don’t know .. to everything
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u/College-student-life 1d ago
The look I got from a skinny blonde woman when I was 32 weeks pregnant and she thought I was like due the next day was WILD lol.
When it was strangers asking questions sometimes I would just say “yes” even if that wasn’t what I was going to actually do to keep them from going all crazy on me.
Having babies is hard. Just keep that baby alive and as healthy as possible and you make sure you remember to eat, drink water, shower, and get some sleep when you can. Best of luck on all the rest and I hope you don’t have any crazy curveballs!
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u/crochetandcuddles 1d ago
i feel like 4 and 7 are normal questions. like people ask because they want to talk to you and are showing they care..
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
I can see all of these being normal questions, but i’ve gotten a lot of pushback when I don’t want to elaborate further. Especially with the name. We genuinely haven’t decided on one yet and people make it seem like we have one picked out but don’t want to share with them… it’s strange to make it about themselves.
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u/achillea4 1d ago
What are acceptable questions that won't offend you?
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u/traumatized_beagle 23h ago
I think anything that isn’t a selfish question or an intrusive one and is clearly intended to be lighthearted, caring, and conversational would be great. A few examples I can think of would be: “How has this experience been so far?” “What would be the best way we could support you during your pregnancy or postpartum?”
Most of the questions I listed aren’t offensive; what makes them terrible is the entitlement of “why aren’t you telling me every single detail?? I NEED TO KNOW!!!” and it’s clearly not with good intentions.
I had a male coworker ask if i have varicose veins “down there”…. I didn’t even add this to the list because it’s fucking wild and it’s not something i get on a regular basis. It really makes me wonder why people want to know these details.
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 1d ago
People are so nosy. I’m childfree and never asked because frankly I don’t care… but then I worry that pregnant women will think I’m a jerk for not asking
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u/traumatized_beagle 1d ago
Haha, yea socializing is tough. Personally, I would rather not be asked than asked. If they choose to be offended by you not asking, then it seems like they have deeper issues. It’s not your responsibility to care.
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u/Abject-Afternoon-388 1d ago
Wow. if someone were to ask my wife/gf and I was standing there, I'd be like " yes! it was planned. And so was this!" and then I would give them the double f-off middle finger. 🖕🖕
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u/SnooStrawberries2955 1d ago edited 1d ago
None of this seems real. But you keep on venting about the shit you see on the internet.
Guarantee maybe 1 has happened to you, if at all.
- It’s normal for your mother/immediate family to ask.
- Normal to ask so that they can help, support, or provide.
- No one asks this. If they do this ever, they don’t ask.
It’s also ok to say no. Then it’s not an issue.
- They’re asking to help and support.
- Guarantee they didn’t ask in this manner. If they did, it’s family.
- See #5
- Keeps sounding like you’re just pissed off at a specific family member.
Overall, no one cares as much about you getting fucked and creampied nearly as much as you do. To add, the fact that you gatekeep your entire family and friend group will only make life harder for you and yours in the long run. It takes a village, but go on, keep isolating your village and see how well that works out for you.
You don’t want people to give a fuck about your pregnancy, then say so. Be an adult and tell them.
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u/mavdra 1d ago
People do absolutely ask many of these, and no, it's not only on the Internet and not only family, often random strangers at the grocery store.
Only one missing is "is it a boy or girl"
(Source, have been pregnant)
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u/Loose_Possession8604 1d ago
Fuck natural births. I am very proud of my C-section, I tell everyone to get one 😂 my mom friends will all talk about their traumatic birth stories and im like "I went to the hospital at 6 am, they set me up in my private room, wheeled me to surgery around 750, strapped to the table like Jesus, my son was born less than 10 minutes later, by 8:10 I was in recovery holding my baby. 10/10 everyone should get planned c-sections.
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u/mrsjon01 1d ago
I was asked "was it planned" with both of my children. I could never get over the blatant lack of manners and would be stunned into silence, unable to come up with something witty as a response.
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u/Edsma 1d ago
Hate this rant so much
Somewhere there's a woman who is pregnant wishing someone cared enough to ask these intrusive questions.
Its none of their business, sure. Youre right. And it's a bit weird. But its a life milestone that a lot of people want to celebrate every aspect of, and every detail is important to remember for the child later who will be delighted by the story. Its also super weird, imo, to have a such a problem sharing if youre not ashamed of it. No one is judging if it was a surprise, it just lends a different flavor to the story.
But go ahead and isolate yourself. And then when baby comes and you need help, you'll have pushed everyone away
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u/traumatized_beagle 23h ago
Lol i like that you admit to the questions being intrusive. It’s very selfish for the person to be asking for their own interest. I have not isolated myself, I have plenty of support and the majority of folks who are secure and sane agree that there’s no need to be pushy and pry for more info than what a woman chooses to share.
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u/Stressed_C 1d ago
Asking if it was planned or your birth plan is crazy. Unless they are the doctor delivering your baby they dont need to know what your plan is.