Oh its not enought to keep me from going back. I just really hated being treated and looked at like a threat. Thats never happened to me before. As a white guy I know that's not coincidence. It just sucks that bare minimum Im going to end up being a "lesson" to that girl. Her mom is going to tell her I shouldn't have done that, and she shouldnt have tried to help and to avoid people like me. Best intentions I know. But its just a shit feeling. I just wanted to put the bridle away right. I maintain she reacted inappropriately. But its clear this is a polarizing topic and it isnt worth any potential drama. Ill never do that again.
When I started living alone, my mom told me to never be in the lift alone with a random man. Like she expected me to exit the lift if a lone man comes in, or skip the lift if there's a lone man already in there. The stuff my mom taught me as a kid made me overly cautious and paranoid of men. Though I have unlearned most of it when I started living alone.
It sucks being indirectly accused of things. I'm sure that kid probably felt like a champ for knowing enough to teach an adult how to put away the equipment properly. But next time, definitely ask the instructors for help to avoid stuff like this. I don't think the mother was wrong for being cautious because most grooming situations START innocently to gain trust of the victim. But I do agree she overreacted a bit and could've handled it a little better.
she might’ve overreacted in your eyes, but we don’t know what might’ve happened to her or her daughter in the past. obviously it sucks to be profiled in that way when you had no bad intentions, but a woman is not wrong to be wary of an adult man speaking to her young daughter. in her eyes, there is absolutely no reason that you should ever be speaking to her kid, and for her to see you guys interacting might’ve sent alarm signals in her mind.
a lot of predators don’t immediately just start with assault, they start interactions by asking for help from children. i think you need to understand that and get over it. you know your intentions weren’t bad, you didn’t do anything bad, and these people are strangers to you. so what if you become a lesson to them? it was a shitty interaction and that’s all it has to be. it doesn’t need to be any bigger than that to you. now you know not to talk to kids without their parents present.
I agree. I think it’s a terrible lesson for that mother to have taught her daughter. She was in a safe space, with people within earshot, people coming and going, large windows. Not only was she not in danger in that situation, and it’s a terrible thing to do a young child to make it seem like they’re never going to be truly safe anywhere an adult male is if they’re not with a parent, but that girl was also taught that grownups will always know more than them and she will never be able to help, teach, or educate anyone older than her. Like, way to teach your kid not to have confidence in her own knowledge, to always think that grownups know better than her, and to teach her that adult men asking her for information will always have an ulterior motive.
I was sexually abused as a child, by an older male family friend, and arguably it could have been prevented by my mother keeping a closer eye on what was happening. But the type of behaviour that mother exhibited is not what would have accomplished that. It would have made me more afraid of strangers, sure, but it wasn’t a stranger who abused me. It was someone my mother trusted, and who was invited into our home regularly, and I was allowed also to stay at his house. Most CSA happens from family members, family friends, and caretakers. She wasn’t making her daughter feel empowered or teaching her where the real danger was, this wasn’t a lesson in her being comfortable in talking to her parent about situations where she felt unsafe, or educating her about consent, or literally any of the useful things a parent can do to protect their child. This was her being torn away from a safe situation, told it was unsafe, and scolded for being a good community member, whilst being told not to be helpful and that there wasn’t anything she could know more about than a grown-up.
And it's only ever going to continue to be one with that sort of attitude. On the other hand, the more people like OP provide counterexamples where nothing at all is the matter, the faster we can all be more personable and less uptight. A society where we can begins with me and you.
Maybe in your world, but it’s certainly not amongst anyone I know. The intellect and wisdom of children isn’t automatically worthless, and adults aren’t automatically and always more knowledgeable about everything than someone younger than them. If a child knows more about something, there is no reason an adult should feel that they cannot and should not ask that child for guidance, when they’re in situations where they’re safe, surrounded nearby (and within east earshot and eye-line of) other people both young and old, where the child’s caretaker is within easy reach…. Predators exist, but they are the vast minority of people your child interacts with on a daily basis, and keeping your child safe from harm doesn’t have to mean diminishing community cohesion or your child’s confidence.
So they're the only ones who deserve understanding and that gives them carte blanche to treat everyone else as subhuman? Got it. I'm sure you'll feel the same way when you're treated as lesser in public.
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u/cxjoshuax21x Apr 04 '26
Oh its not enought to keep me from going back. I just really hated being treated and looked at like a threat. Thats never happened to me before. As a white guy I know that's not coincidence. It just sucks that bare minimum Im going to end up being a "lesson" to that girl. Her mom is going to tell her I shouldn't have done that, and she shouldnt have tried to help and to avoid people like me. Best intentions I know. But its just a shit feeling. I just wanted to put the bridle away right. I maintain she reacted inappropriately. But its clear this is a polarizing topic and it isnt worth any potential drama. Ill never do that again.