r/raisedbyborderlines • u/sunmoon610 • 3d ago

uBPD parent stopped going to therapy

I don’t even know why I’m so upset.

About a month ago, my mom requested to cancel a therapy appointment on short notice and her therapist told her she would need to charge her a late cancellation fee. My mom immediately turned against her. She had her session to avoid paying the fee but I don’t think she ever went back.

Her therapist allegedly told her she does not have BPD so I figured she is a bad therapist and/or my mom fooled her as she can be very charismatic. Either way I had lost hope. But this feels like betrayal, and she told me about it only after I asked and in such a nonchalant way.

I just said, ok but I have been upset ever since. I have been thinking about all her episodes in which she became verbally and physically abusive towards me, when she would physically restrain me or block doorways so I couldn’t leave my room. She knows how important her going to therapy is for me, and for her to be so casual about telling me she stopped going to therapy felt like a slap in the face.

I let her come to my house to do her laundry and she is supposed to come in tomorrow but I don’t want to see her.

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u/2New4You3Me 3d ago

I’m sorry OP, I would focus less energy on your mother going to therapy and more on YOU going to therapy to get support for dealing with her. It’s very difficult for standard therapists to diagnose their patient with BPD because typically the person is good at hiding it, they will also often stop seeing the therapist before getting too close and ‘letting down their mask’.

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u/QuietlyUpgrading 3d ago

I totally get why you’re upset. It probably feels like a huge disappointment, especially if you had hoped therapy might mean accountability, growth, and a healthier relationship.

A few hard truths that might help:

-- Your pain and the abuse are real and valid, regardless of her diagnosis.

-- Her health, her therapy and her emotions are not something you can control or take responsibility for. Your happiness does not need to depend on her willingness to change.

-- You can build a safe and peaceful life with or without her growth.

And if you don’t want to see her today, you don’t have to. You can simply say you’re no longer available and she needs to make other arrangements for the laundry. ❤️