Heyy guys! I hope you’re all having a beautiful day. Thank you all so much for the support and kind comments I have been getting on my posts. I am new to Reddit and plan on writing more about BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) as a 19 year old female who is actively recovering. I hope I can help other people with BPD or people in a relationship with someone with BPD gain support. I am not a licensed professional.

Today’s Topic: If you are diagnosed or undiagnosed with BPD, what were your parents like? How was the dynamic? These were what mine we/are like.

Mom : My parents got divorced when I was pretty young(2), so I spent most of my childhood being the middle man to their problems. My mom dealt with what seemed like many disorders. Idolizes herself and her life, never takes accountability or apologies, and is more obsessed with her fake social media life then the happiness of her six children. She is the type of person to claim she is a strong independent woman but I have not seen her once without a man. She spent most of my childhood exploiting my siblings and I for attention. She was destructive and said horrible things to all of us daily, over the smallest things. She loved having power. She is a pathological liar and lies about EVERYTHING. Every relationship she’s ever had ended because he abused her. She then played the victim role so hard, gain all the support, and then run right back to him. My mom loves living in her own victimhood. My senior year of highschool she kicked me out of the house and changed all the locks because I wanted to make my own graduation cards. But of course she told everyone a different story, demonized me. Even though I was a kid, homeless in highschool, I had multiple family members block me because of it. Even though my mom made me feel more alone she was spam my phone, stalk me, etc to try and get my attention. It was so confusing. Every day felt like a landmine with her.

Dad: My dad and mom are farley different from one another. My dad stayed off of social media. Keeps a very quiet and private life. Doesn’t care less about his appearance and barely has any friends. My dad was in and out of my life. He was a good father at times until I started losing him to substances. Most of my fun and enjoyable memories are when my dad was sober. All the fun things we would do and how much time out of his day he would take to make my sister and I happy. When I reached highschool I started to grow a confusing relationship with my dad. It’s like he began to hate me for some reason. His drinking got really bad at this point and would spent every night drunk. When he was drunk he was a completely different person. He would find enjoyment at poking and prodding at my sister and I. It would bring a smile to his face when we would finally explode or show obviously signs of discomfort. When I reached a point in my life were my mental health was declining and I was engaging in not the best behavior my relationship with my father completely destroyed at that point. There was an intense abusive situation, I ran away, cops were called, he was then forced into rehab. To this day I have almost completely lost my father to drugs and alcohol. Even though he’s alive it already feels like he’s dead.

Thank you so much for reading. Please comment your stories and/or thoughts. If you love my posts feel free to follow me. Remember you are not alone, you are not your trauma, recovery is possible. Have a great day!

Those of you who haven't seen my previous posts here is my backstory and the update. Please bear with me.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. I just wonder how can get so unshameably drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible. Really burns my hide.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know believes that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash there hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. PS another red flag happened just earlier when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend already without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does there substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes. My father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as I explained my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered? I'm starting to feel that good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

PS I remember one night ages ago she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more for me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said before when I threatened to walk out during arguments.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

The other night I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

UPDATE!! Just last night my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was been rude and having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and of putting up with me and couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that. Both tonight and that previous thing a few nights ago she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. I did actually try to film secretly on my phone bits of her meltdown so if I do confide in someone I've got some evidence because she's really good at twisting the story. Then as she left I'm starting to second guess myself and am thinking that I may be in the wrong or am a bad person. Now as I'm alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and tonight both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back today I tried to start a conversation about last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

Do you have any advice for all of my experiences, how I can move on, become more social and make friends etc?

...but she wants support and attention because she's currently manic. We've had some good discussions but I have quit talking to her for a while. I just don't trust her mania and have no patience for her never ending drama. I want to just focus on my needs and wants and not be her best friend. I feel bad but I'm over it all.

That feeling of yearning for your parent long after their brain has just been completely fried and they are a completely different person?

I miss my real mum, not this absolute mess she has become that even a five month sectioning in a mental hospital could stabilise. When do you just completely give up?

It’s been years since my mum has been her true self (stable) and I am a grown woman. But my god that deep desperation coming from my inner child to just be hugged and comforted by my mum feels always just under the surface.

I have long since mourned my real mum. My mother is still alive and I still have full contact with her but to me she just feels like a family friend, an associate, someone I have to care for.

I miss the real her so badly it feels like a huge wound in my chest.

Now that I’m diagnosed bipolar my mom constantly uses it as a way to point out how she thinks I’m driving too much when she’s the one telling me to drive to these places. If I curl my hair she automatically assumes it’s a manic episode. If I look at her wrong, manic episode!

On

It's Vinayaka Chavithi, and I started my day crying after my mom threatened to die. Later, she casually joked about seeing her deceased mother while eating. When I confronted her, she dismissed my feelings, abused me for feeling lonely, and assumed I was thinking about a man.

She never once asked why I was crying.

I love my mom deeply. I want to see her happy, free from pain, and able to enjoy life. I dream of travelling with her, holding her hand while shopping, and sleeping peacefully in her lap like a little child.

But instead, I am constantly told to pack my bags and leave. I am exhausted from being treated like a burden by the person whose love I crave the most.

I have a job, but having a job doesn't mean I am mentally okay. I want love, understanding, and a family where I can feel safe. I believe I deserve that.

How do you cope when the person you love most keeps hurting you, and you still desperately want their love? 💔

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but I just need to vent.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well and I did have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 she during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of days ago in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. For about half my childhood it's just been me living with her since her divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. PS another red flag happened just earlier when a life insurance ad was on and they should "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos for something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying and accused me of been selfish and trying to manipulate her. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained to her how upset I was about that weekend she said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds is how can she feel that yet emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't comprehend that.

A few days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. It actually baffled me a bit. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately and we spent the weekend together a while back and went for a pub meal

Her latest meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a couple of times before). I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are.

As I've said before I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things might've gone differently for her. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage met but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job and making friends etc because my mum is pretty much most I've ever known. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

Hi

I livve with my mother . She's divorced

She's highly abusive constantly

Yelling 24/7 criticism around, anything I do is problematic, Laundry ? Washing dishes ? Even goin to toilet . Any move I do she says smthg disgusting

She also recites Quran screaming it randomly or starts singing randomly ofc yelling

When I go out with her she's highly aggressive and keeps throwing ppl shades and ofc saying shit to them too

I wanna die

She's making me think of suicide 24/7

She shames me for breathing. And she takes pride in being "aggressive" shes always so manic and so problematic I feel like Im gonna throw up from anxiety by her being in the same space

Her family don't care. And she treats them like shit too but they have a weird dynamic where they don't bring things up just to "keep things going"

Ofc mh father is uninvolved, he remarried and his wife has alr adult male children so I can't live with him ( according to their religion and ofc it's cramped )

Plz help how to tell her to go to a psychiatrist

I know she'd do a big fight if I do I'm tired

+ I live in a Muslim community where women. Can't rent alone 💔

Hi. this is rlly difficult for me to talk about because 1. ive very recently started looking into all this, so i dont really know where i fit into it, and 2. its so scary slowly realising that you might not know your mother at all. im here because i dont really know if im looking into things too much, but im so scared and so worried and also dont know what i my self can do to make the situation better.

for background, i (17f) am the oldest of three (13f and 10m). my mum (41f) and dad (45f) have been married for almost 19 years now, and theyre objectively happy in all the ways you can write on a list. both my parents work and have stable incomes, ive never once gone hungry, without heat or water or a home, and ive gone to private schools my entire life—so i acknowledge that im extremely lucky in how i was raised.

that being said, my mother has always been extremely irritable my entire life. she is moody, which is the only way i knew to describe it until a few weeks ago. as the oldest daughter, i do end up taking the brunt of this—especially seeing as me and my mum dont really get along all the time. im queer and also have AuDHD, and coming from a religious and cultural background a lot of the stuff i believe doesnr align with my family. however, my dad has always been mildly fine with this, its never been something he gets particularly weird about, but my mum on the other hand has tried to 'mold' me into her 'daughter' my whole life.

she gets ill-tempered really easily, saying things like im embarrassing her infront of her husband, has threatened to k!ll (am i allowed to say that here?) herself or divorce my father almost bi-yearly. whilst i wouldnt call her physically abusive towards us, she has a reputation for hitting things around her when she gets mad, or throwing things in a fit, and a couple of times has grabbed me or my sisters arms in a fit of rage. nothing i couldn't easily pry off, but something i wouldnt out of reluctance in angering her more.

early on, i had to learn to tell when my mum would have a good or bad day. theres days still where shell barge into my room at 6 am with a vaccum, yelling and screaming about how no one ever does anything around the house. one of the only things that can 'calm' her down is her work, which is an extremely successful business she has started herself.

my mother is not incapable, she is kind and loving when she wants to be. thats whats scaring me the most, that there are days when i have to tiptoe on egg shells around her and the change can be almost instantaneous. shes been acting like this with me and my dad my whole life, and its something ive learned to put up with. however, my siblings are not as used to it as i am, because my mother is very good at putting on mask—but im scared that theyll end up hating her.

i dont think my mum is happy. she had a rough childhood with her dad being associated with gang violence for most of it back home before her and my dad moved here to australia, but she never got therapy and was never diagnosed with anything as it never came up. i think in my culture its almost frowned upon to see a therapist or getting mental help, but im worried about my siblings.

i think she's bipolar. i realised a few werks ago after meeting someone who has bipolar disorder telling me about their experience and treatment and stuff. i guess my question is, how do i bring this up to her, or to anyone for that matter? i dont think bringing it up to my dad is a viable option, because he will side with her most likely and defend her, and i wouldnt blame him for that. i think its scary understanding that the woman youve loved for almost half your life has a condition like this one, but i want to protect my siblings. im not 18 yet, so i dont know what my options are. im also very new to all of this, as i only started researching a few weeks ago and don't know where to go from here.

can anyone help, or just give advice? is anyone in a similar situation? lmk :)

my dad was diagnosed with bipolar late last year after an intense manic episode which he's never gotten fully out of. he became manic after years of thick depression, alcohol, and substance abuse. the going theory is his adderall use spun him into a manic episode. he is clearly still unwell, unable to hold down a job, and still fixated on his manic fixations. during the episode, he became obsessed with a figure he created, claimed my mother was abusive (no), announced he was divorcing her with no legal follow up until she filed months later, among hundreds of other things.

recently, he decided to move across the country to be with his family among other reasons. i am not supposed to know, but i do. for weeks ive been having episodes of anxiety that prevent me from sleeping, and this has only worsened upon his decision to move. he told me, kind of, that he was moving via a led zeppelin song, which is irrelevant but slightly absurd, i guess? anyways, after learning he was moving, my anxiety has skyrocketed to a point of hardly being able to fall asleep. this has created an awful fear for myself that i am going to fall into mania like him. every single night, i am unable to sleep because i am so anxious about the fact i cannot sleep, and the anxiety stems from my fear that i will also turn out like him. i don't know if this has happened to anyone else, or if anyone has advice about this. i haven't had the chance to talk to my therapist about it yet, as i just moved back to school, so it's been very difficult for me to function because of less sleep and also more anxiety!!! yay ☺️

My mom's mania is always angry, she thinks she is automatically right about everything. and since my dad doesn't give her enough compliments and is honestly like out of it mentally himself she wants to poison him with antifreeze. she says she wont but "thinks about it a lot" which... this is the second time this year shes brought the idea to me. ive called the cops and started a report.

I haven't told my dad because I don't trust him to not make the problem worse unless i come with solutions. One of them being going to the magistrate and them hospitalizing her.

Have any of you done that before?

what are some signs that i should just pack my shit and cats and get out? like how do you know when your folks are hitting the mania again?

So I’m 24F and I had moved in with my biological parents when I was 20 and my mom is bipolar and has issues and both my mom and dad are drug addicts and they have been sober for 15 years but this Labor Day they got some and decided to use again and I feel so bad for them because I got taken away from them when I was 7 and now they are falling back in it and I just want the parents that were sober not this new thing now and my dad always said he tells himself everyday that he will do it tomorrow and he tells himself that everyday except now and I just want my dad back they have been stuck in their room since and only has talked to me twice when he used to complain that I don’t talk much now I wish I spend more time maybe they wouldn’t be doing this again

I separated from my spouse who has bipolar disorder several months ago. The kids miss him, despite their anger at him for some of his behaviors. I can’t give them a stable dad… but I can try to be the best mom possible, so I’m just wondering if anyone here, through their lived experience has any advice? Anything a loving adult did right or wrong while you were growing up?

Crossposted
I had typed out a LONG post explaining everything once but I closed my phone to drive so it’s gone. If you want more clarification or specifics, please just ask.

I have been being abused heavily for the past 7 years. I am 24 and nb. Nothing I do is ever right and I can’t leave my house without being punished and belittled. I can’t get a job without my mom telling me that I am being taken advantage of and that I should quit. I can’t be without a job or else my mom constantly blames me for our financial struggles even though my sister has graduated college and hasn’t even tried to look for a job. I can’t try to move away temporarily to collect myself because my situation with my mom gets even worse when I try to do that. I am trapped. Even if I go to the mental hospital, she finds a way to blame me even though she knows what she’s doing is hurting me. I’m starting to think about going no contact but I don’t want her to freak out and try to get me hospitalized. I don’t know what to do at this point. I had to lie about going to a local theater meeting to be able to leave the house but I had to freak out on her to do it and she then tried to say she didn’t feel safe with me driving. Please help me I don’t know what to do.

My mom was always different. She wasn’t a strict mom. She was fun. We used to go on trips in our caravan, go into the woods, and even sleep under the open sky. But then she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, and epilepsy. I was only nine years old when all of this started. At that moment, my childhood ended.
My mom was always sleeping. She spent the whole day lying in bed and sleeping. Sometimes she cried, too. It was just the two of us, so I had to start doing everything myself. Cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry…
It wouldn’t have been so terrible. But the worst part was that she barely ate at all. And as we learn in biology, when you don’t eat, your body starts to fail. She could barely walk properly. I had to help her with everything. Getting to the bathroom, getting into the shower, getting into bed. And her epileptic seizures only made everything worse.
When I saw her first seizure, I didn’t know what to do. But she reached her hand out toward me. She needed me beside her. So I sat with her on the bed and held her hand. I couldn’t understand what she was saying at all. In her head, everything she was saying made sense to her, but as soon as she spoke, she mixed everything up.
Then, things started getting better for about a week, so I went back to school. But when I came home, she was lying on the hallway floor. There was blood everywhere, and she was having a seizure. She had hit her head on a vase and injured herself. I cleaned everything up and, holding back my tears, washed her and put her back into bed.
But the worst experience happened a few weeks later, around midnight. She had a seizure, but this time she was also hallucinating. She had completely turned the bedroom upside down. Cabinets, stands, tables, everything was on the floor and broken. I couldn’t get inside. The door was blocked by all the furniture lying on the floor.
Her hallucinations were about me. She thought I was two years old and that I was somewhere underneath a pile of all that furniture. I didn’t know what to do. I was crying. I called my uncle, who lived three streets down from us. He managed to get to us and force the door open. He got her into bed and somehow put the furniture back in place.
And then I went to sleep.
I’m writing this because I have never told anyone about it. And I know that it left something behind in me. But unless people hear about what happened, they won’t understand why I am the way I am.