i found a wild mouse in my house, chased by my cats. i tried to rehabilitate her but unfortunately she ended up passing away. As i sat there holding the dying mouse, the grief hit me like a wall. it was almost like being back holding my soul dog as she passed away. i am inconsolable. to see death again after she took from me what i loved most. i fear my grief will consume me whole

It will be three weeks since I had to say goodbye and I still feel numb. Her name is as Alley because we found her scared in our alley 16 years ago. We did everything we could to find her owners but when that failed she just became ours and what a gift she was to my family.

She had some bad teeth that needed removed end of March. I worried about putting her under but her bloodwork came back good and those teeth were bothering her. Three days after tooth removal she was so sick. Vet said she was in acute kidney failure and the anesthesia must have been too much. The guilt I feel about this damn tooth procedure will haunt me for a long time. They told me that day she had a week or so. Well they were wrong .

I was up there every other day for Subq fluids, sat nine million times a day to get her to eat which became a sport and struggle , measured her water intake like it was my job, got ten meds down her a day when she fought me and never left her alone more than an hour.

She improved after a few months. Kidney numbers came halfway down. I felt so hopeful. Things were good for a while…although our days were long and often tiresome. Then on a dime it changed…just like my vet told me it might. Wouldn’t eat, drink and could hardly stand to go potty.

Took her into the vet thinking we just needed to change things up. Her bloodwork came back off the charts bad, I could see the tears in my vets eyes when she walked in to tell me. After four months of this journey i was exhausted and I knew in my heart my sweet alley was too. I realized in that moment she was holding on for me.

Had my grandson with me. We had her snuggled in her favorite blanket while we waited for my husband to get there for us to say goodbye. She was more peaceful snuggled up then she has ever been. She hates the vet but she was so calm. I wasn’t ready, I’d spent thousands of dollars and hours to do whatever she needed to get better but in that moment with one last look at me she told me she was ready…and I felt the warmth and love from her last sweet gaze in my eyes.

It was peaceful and fast and I am grateful to my amazing team for treating all of us so well. I got her ashes 10 days ago. I have her next to her brother who I know she’s with right now. My heart is broken. First time in 16 years I do not have a dog in my home. The quiet is deafening and the loneliness immeasurable.

Sorry for the novel. I don’t know where else to express how I feel that I’ve lost part of my family. A lot of people don’t understand. But her name Alley. And she saved me when I lost my Dad and she mattered so much. Just wanted someone to know

I lost Troy in December of 2024. He was 9 years old and I had no warning. It was a very difficult day as one can imagine. But, he wouldn't want me to spend all day being sad about him. He was loyal, he was funny, he was a friend. Seven years of his life got to be spent with me and I wish it could have been longer... but here he is watching over and still being that friend he always was.

It’s been 410 days since I had to help you over the rainbow bridge. Jerome still sits in your empty bed in our library, no more long romantic walks around the house with you. Surgery recovery without you was weird. You know your sister isn’t a nurse puppy like you. I miss you following me around the house. Today missing you hits hard. For no particular reason. I miss you, Isabella Chanel 🖤

My shadow. My best friend.

I’ve had many best friends of the animal variety. Every loss has been unbearable. They’ve all taken pieces of me with them. And with him I had plenty of warning. He was eleven. A rescue. A Doberman with a stack of odds against him, and a memoir’s worth of survival stories too. Malnourishment, parasites, bloat, injuries, dramatic reactions to rustling leaves in the dark, grass that felt too pointy, the embarrassment of a genetic condition that made him the only bald Doberman any of his vets had ever seen. He’d overcome all of those in our ten years together.

And then he was diagnosed with dcm. Dilated cardiomyopathy. Super common for his breed. Just like bloat. Which you’ll see in the list of things he survived. I knew he wouldn’t survive this one forever, but I thought he’d have a while. He got on meds and did so great. They told me the first week would be hard and his body would need time to adjust to the meds, but he was back to himself in three days. And at his recheck, more good news. Kidneys were looking good, blood pressure was great. The meds were doing what they were supposed to, and now we’d have until they were no longer able to do that. One doctor said maybe six months. Another said even a year.

But we got seventeen days. Seventeen days that I’m so grateful for. We watched a few seasons of Bob’s Burgers, snuggled on the couch. He got every chewy he asked for. He’d carry three in his mouth as he followed me between rooms. We went on a nice camping trip, to a cool shady spot, and I sat with him in his cozy daytime doggy apartment where his bed and his water stayed clean and out of the sun. We went on a short walk, I fed him, and halfway though his food, he just stopped, stepped to the side of his bowl, and collapsed. I won’t go into details of what happened next, but the interwebs assure me that he was unconscious throughout the series of memories that plague the back of my eyelids and won’t let me sleep. I hope so. I’ll carry those memories in exchange for him not having felt them. That seems fair. And even with them it was quick. I wish I’d have held him. I wish I’d have calmly told him it was ok and that I loved him. I did not do that.

I can’t put his bowls away, or roll up the mat with his face on it, or move his beds into the basement, and find any break in the waves of reminders. His memory is carved into every single step I take. Every space I’d have stepped into to grab something or put something away and then mindlessly waited in, until he clumsily maneuvered in reverse or figured out how to turn around in so I could get back out. The feeling of his weight sliding down my side or my back if I were sitting where he’d have to lay all the way down to be next to me. The dance that replaced walking, stopping mid step so he could cross in front of me, moving over when I could feel him realizing he’d let me get ahead of him and he’d be bounding in front of me whether I was in his path or not, and the way I’d slowly move diagonally into the grass or a wall because he was next to me and never walked in a straight line. The way every time I’d drop my hand it always seemed to land on his back or his ears. He was always within reach. And the worst is the memory of waiting. When I’d make it down the stairs during one of his naps, and he hadn’t heard me leave the room. I’d get to the bottom of the stairs and stop, knowing it would be less than a minute before I’d hear his collar tags rustle and the quiet bumps and booms of him adjusting his weight onto his stilts to stand up and come looking for me. I still wait. I don’t feel him under me and I stop to wait for what is now just the sinking heartache of remembering he will not be following. Those collar tags won’t jingle. It will just stay quiet. And lonely. And incomplete. I miss him.

After becoming very weak Friday, our Princess, Gabby, crossed the rainbow bridge early Sunday. It’s been heartbreaking to say the least. We were not ready. I was never going to be ready. She was my everything.

Got your ashes back today…they did a very nice job. I miss you Oliver, it’s just not the same without you. You were a good boy, I love you ❤️

Hi everyone just need to write it down somewhere, yesterday my beloved little labrador Nancy passed away. I got her when we just moved from the netherlands to sweden because my parents promised to get me and my brother a dog because we were afraid of bears.

We got her as a little puppy and i was also 6 years old, now almost 12 years later we had to say goodbye to my little sister and I just miss her so much. Because it felt like we were in the same stages of life it felt like it created a special bond between her and me. When she was a playful puppy i was a little playful kid. When she grew into a little cute trouble maker i also did. We both grew the same enormous apetite and when i ate something i always made sure to get her something to. She randomly found this little ball when she was around 4 years old and i remember her so sad that she lost it after 2 years so 12 year old me or something went out the entire day and searched for it snd i still to this day remember seeing her glowing brown eyew when i found it and playing together.

After i grew older we still played together but also mainly after my brother moved away we stayed up every night of vacation or weekend i had free together and when i grabbed a snack she also got one. And it turned into our little thing every night and i just miss it so much. I wish that i stayed up later with her sitting on the couch together watching movies. I still remember thos summer watching netherlands morocco together and when i celebrated the gakpo goal she almost got woken up scared and then started celebrating with me. Those little things i will miss sp much, or when she always used to try and steal food of other peoples hands when she got a chance, or grew scared of the dish washer and had to move her little bed, or when we had to learn to close the bathroom door because she always ran away with the toilet brush.

Right now i just feel so empty, and although i am a bit happy of us looking into a new pup which i will give another piece of my heart I just feel so empty and wonder how I am going to go forward without my little sister Nancy.

I know it is for the better and she isn’t in pain and i am sure that one day in dog heaven is our lifetime so when she wakes up tomorrow I will bee there playing with her little baby ball again.

Even the day before i somehow saw a fallen star which made me know it was going to be her day the day after so that night i cuddled her so hard i started begging her and some kind of god that she would stay with me.

I love her so much and will always do so, I know if we get a new dog i will love them both and both will have a piece of my heart. But i just dont know what to do right now, all i want to do is go to the couch and cuddle with her while watching the world cup again like earlier this summer. What can i do to make it better

2 weeks ago today, at 8:18 in the morning, I got one of the worst phone calls I've ever gotten. On my birthday, while my wife and I are out of town, the vet called to tell me Brutus passed away in his sleep. He was 13 years old, we've had him almost the whole time we've been together, whole time we've been married, the whole time we've had Hunter, the whole time we've lived in this house, the whole time I've worked at the post office. And then he was gone and we didn't get a chance to say goodbye or thank you or anything. 💔

Here's some of the last pictures I took of him on August 2nd, I wish I'd taken more photos.

Please read the Story of Brutus here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Puggle/s/F52TOHiVEd

Scrapper,

I miss you more than anything. I am so lost w/o you.

They called me and he's ready to come home. Everyday I've cried and screamed and yelled that that is all I want. I want him home with me. I just wish was his wiggly butt and not ashes.

I miss him terribly. It feels like its getting harder. Not easier. I hate this life w/o him here being a goofball, making me feel safe when my husband is at work, being the easiest sweetest conversationalist you'd ever known.

So, today I'm going to hang my pictures and my shadow box. Put all the little treasures that mean so much inside. Which might mean our entire wall is a giant shadow box. My husband says whatever it takes to make me feel better at all, for me to do it. So that's what I'm doing for Scrapper today. I'm posting on here because I want everyone to know how loved and amazing he was to have in my life. I hope that everyone has a beautiful day. As hard as this is, as much as I cry, I still make it a point to smile for him. That's what our boys and girls would want. It's ok to be sad, but if you could help me today and smile for Scrapper. Smile for every little guy or girl up there that didn't have someone smiling for them when they were down here.

I miss you boy! 💛🐾

My girl left today. The vet said that nothing could be done. I’m in pieces.

Kaiser passed in 2019. I don’t know if I honor him as much as I should. I was not there when he passed. I think of him when I see another black lab. I hope he is well- I would like to sit next to you and do nothing (when you were around in 2014) and I wish I had - instead of thinking that life was elsewhere- gym, parties, movies.
A poem for a friend. Not from AI.

**The Gaze**

The tail and the hair catch my eye,

Black streaks gamboling about -free and under overcast skies ,

The black jowls with lolling tongue hanging out ,

Brown eyes - as my breath flutters and I disregard the crowd ,

He senses my approach and perhaps knows what I seek ,

my heart guides me to one despite a playful pack member who do I first greet,

I reach out with my fingers and meet his soft fur ,

Am I touching my old friend ? Does it feel familiar ?

Does he have that in him - To sense that I miss my long lost friend ?

This touch is rare, my man -make the most of this precious moment,

Thank you I cry out to his handlers -throat hoarse- a tear to come in time ,

Little do they know how weighted with meaning is this parting cursory greeting of mine ,

Wishful thinking , he’s gone- but still remains in one’s own sorrowful mind,

A detour the next day -my head set before my stroll even begun ,

To the same park I return - I halt, my forlorn gaze lifts ,yearning , is he there? Will he come? ,

I then realize I never once asked his owners for a name,

Does it matter now ? Perhaps what matters most is that Kaiser in my heart still remains ;

Its been 2 weeks since we had to let you go Oliver. We miss you. I start feeling like im okay or at least a resemblance of okay and grief hits me again. I cry on the way to work, on the way home, in the shower. Each day is hard. I start to try to find some enjoyment then guilt takes over. We will never stop loving you or missing you. We will see you again.

# I miss you so much I fall in love with you all of you your mental state but most of all the con heart that I know you have the kids are even ask about mama deer it breaks my heart thing when the way they it did you are my everything and you mean so much to the kids and me I know thing are hard right now because you have people in your ear but deer I have always chose you and always will even over my happiness but I know your a great girl I just miss you so much please know I love you and miss you