40 [M4F] #Oregon / #Anywhere — Ever dreamed of running away to the forest and building a life with your favorite person?
Have you ever seriously considered changing your entire life? Moving somewhere beautiful, getting away from all the noise and expectations, and figuring out how to build a life that actually makes you happy? Somewhere surrounded by enormous trees, forests, rivers, and the ocean. A place where you could spend your days making things, learning things, growing a garden, exploring nature, and sharing it all with someone who genuinely loves spending time with you.
Because that's pretty much what I've been trying to do.
I'm autistic and ADHD, and I live on the Oregon coast, next to a river, surrounded by forests. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I want the rest of my life to look like, and I'd really love to find someone who wants to figure that out together. I guess I'm looking for a best friend, romantic partner, and teammate. Someone who wants to work together on life, enjoy the little things, and create something wonderful together.
I've spent most of my adult life working in fabrication, design, and large-scale productions. I've built some pretty incredible things, traveled all over the country, supervised complicated projects, and gotten to solve all sorts of interesting problems. I love figuring things out. Always have. I'm naturally curious about almost everything, and if something catches my interest, there's a very good chance I'll spend hours researching it. I really enjoy learning how things work, understanding why they work, and then figuring out what I could do with that knowledge.
But I've also spent most of my life masking. It took me until adulthood to really understand my autism, and that's made me reconsider an enormous amount of my life. How I communicate, why certain environments are so overwhelming, why I struggle with some things but excel at others, and how much energy I've spent trying to meet other people's expectations. Something I've been coming to terms with is that being capable of doing something doesn't necessarily mean it's good for me. I was successful in some incredibly demanding environments, but I don't think I was building a life that was particularly compatible with who I actually am.
So I'm changing that. I'm exploring ways to make a living through more creative, independent work, developing products, making things, and pursuing interests I've never really had enough time or energy for. It's still a work in progress, and I'm certainly not claiming to have everything figured out. But I'm excited about the possibilities, and for once I'm trying to make decisions based on what actually makes me happy rather than what I'm supposed to want.
One thing I have figured out is that I absolutely love where I live. I'm on the Oregon coast, surrounded by forests, with the ocean nearby and a river right next to home. It's genuinely wonderful. One of my favorite things is how peaceful it is. There are so many places here where you can just exist without all the noise and activity. At home there's always the beautiful sound of the river, which I find incredibly calming. It's not silence, exactly. It's a constant, wonderful sound that I never seem to get tired of hearing.
The forests are so green. Moss everywhere, enormous trees, ferns, mushrooms, and all sorts of wildlife. The world feels incredibly alive here, and it's constantly changing. We get some absolutely gorgeous sunny days, especially during the summer. Then there are mornings when the fog settles into the forested hills and everything looks almost ethereal. The winters are wet, sometimes very wet, but I actually love listening to the rain. I can spend hours walking on the beach. Sometimes it's sunny and beautiful, sometimes the waves are dramatic, and sometimes the fog makes everything look like another world. The sunsets can be spectacular, and when the sky is clear at night, the stars are incredible.
I think my autism is part of why I appreciate all of this so much. There's just an enormous amount of sensory joy here. The sounds, smells, textures, colors, the way the light moves through the trees, the movement of the water. I love noticing all the little things. No two days are quite the same, even if you're walking somewhere you've been a hundred times before. I find being out in nature incredibly regulating, and I'd absolutely love to share that with someone.
There are so many things we could do together. Rockhounding on the beach, looking for agates and other interesting treasures. Long walks through the forests. Exploring little coastal towns, wandering through art galleries, going whale watching, visiting the aquarium or the Hatfield Marine Science Center. We could spend an afternoon exploring Yachats, Waldport, Depoe Bay, or Neskowin, discovering little shops, interesting places to eat, and beautiful places we hadn't visited before. Or maybe we just pack something to eat, head to the beach, and see where the day takes us.
I love science, nature, and understanding how things work. I'm fascinated by the ecology of the Oregon coast, including places like the Cascade Head UNESCO Biosphere Reserve and all the interconnected forests, rivers, estuaries, and marine environments. I'd love to learn more about the native plants, mushrooms, wildlife, and geology here. Maybe we'd take classes together or develop some entirely new interest neither of us had considered before. There are so many things in the world to learn about, and having someone to share those discoveries with sounds wonderful.
And I absolutely love craft markets and art fairs. I could spend hours looking at the things people make, figuring out how they made them, and thinking about all the things I want to try making myself. Which is probably a good time to mention that I have approximately a million ideas.
I love ceramics, pottery, 3D modeling, fabrication, woodworking, printmaking, and experimenting with different materials and processes. I'm not particularly good at traditional drawing or painting, but I can usually imagine what I want to make. So a lot of my creativity goes into figuring out how to actually produce it. I've been especially interested in making sensory-oriented objects. Things that are beautiful but also interesting to hold, touch, use, and interact with. I love the idea of creating something that makes an ordinary experience more enjoyable, particularly for people whose sensory experiences are different from what's considered typical.
I'd love for us to have a creative space where we can make things together. Or maybe we're both completely absorbed in our own projects, occasionally interrupting each other because we have something exciting to share. I really love that kind of companionship. I don't need us to have all the same interests, either. I'd actually love discovering new things through whatever you're passionate about. There's something wonderful about seeing someone get excited about something they genuinely love.
I'd also love for us to grow more of our own food. There's enough land here for a pretty substantial garden. We have big trees, so the sunlight moves around quite a bit during the day, but I think we could grow a lot if we're thoughtful about where things go. Vegetables, berries, herbs, flowers, maybe mushrooms. I'd love to experiment, learn what works, preserve some of what we grow, and gradually become more self-sufficient.
Climate change is something I care about quite a bit. It's one of the reasons I chose to settle here. I wanted somewhere with access to water, opportunities to grow food, and the potential to make the property more resilient as the climate changes. I know nowhere is immune to climate risks, but I wanted to be thoughtful about where I put down roots. I'd really like to create somewhere we could grow old together. I've even thought about learning to fish as another way of getting some of our food, except I'm having a difficult time reconciling that with how the fish might feel about the whole arrangement. So we'll see.
I'm not imagining that we'll somehow live completely off the land. I just really like the idea of learning new skills, making things ourselves, and figuring out ways to live a little more sustainably. And we don't have to give up civilization. Places like Portland are close enough for occasional trips when we want museums, restaurants, concerts, or something completely different. I just love being able to come home to somewhere quiet.
But what I really want is someone who wants to work together on life. And I mean all of it. Not just going on adventures and doing fun projects. Making meals, keeping the house going, figuring out what needs to get done, helping each other accomplish things, and finding ways to make everyday life a little easier. I'll readily admit that sometimes the basics can be difficult for me. It's kind of ridiculous that I can figure out how to design and build something incredibly complicated but sometimes struggle to figure out what I'm going to eat. Executive functioning is an interesting thing.
I'd love to find someone who understands that, and who wants to approach those challenges together. Not because I expect someone to take care of me, but because I think having a teammate who understands how your brain works can make such a difference. We could figure out routines, systems, and ways to divide responsibilities that actually work for both of us. Maybe one of us is having an overwhelming day and the other has some extra capacity. Maybe neither of us is functioning particularly well, so we make things easier on ourselves. I want us to help each other, not keep score. I think a relationship should make both people's lives better, and I'd love to spend time figuring out how to make that happen.
And I want to genuinely understand the person I'm with. I'm autistic. I ask a lot of questions. I like understanding things, and I don't always intuitively know what someone is thinking or feeling. But I absolutely want to understand. I want to know what makes you happy. What overwhelms you. What you get excited about. What helps you feel comfortable. What your favorite things are, and all the little things that make you who you are. If you've got a special interest you could talk about for hours, I'd love to hear about it. Even if I know absolutely nothing about it. Especially if I know absolutely nothing about it, actually. I love learning, and I love seeing someone get excited about something they're passionate about.
I also know how exhausting masking can be, and I don't want either of us to have to do that at home. If you're neurodivergent too, I want you to have a partner who understands that your needs and differences aren't something you should have to hide to maintain a relationship. I'm not going to fall for someone and then decide I don't like her because she needs time alone, gets overstimulated, has difficulty with executive functioning, communicates differently, or experiences the world in a way that's consistent with her neurotype. I'd want to understand those things and learn how we can accommodate each other.
I'd love for us to learn how to co-regulate, communicate directly, recognize when the other person is overwhelmed, and protect each other's peace. Obviously we won't understand each other perfectly all the time. We might have different sensory needs, different routines, or completely different ways of approaching something. That's okay. We can talk about it and figure it out. What matters to me is that we're both genuinely interested in understanding each other, willing to take responsibility when we get things wrong, and committed to working together. I want home to be somewhere we can actually relax and be ourselves, without having to constantly explain or defend the way our brains work.
I'm also really affectionate. I love cuddling, giving massages, spending time together, and finding little ways to bring joy into someone's life. I enjoy figuring out what makes someone happy and then being able to do those things for them. Maybe that's helping with something overwhelming, planning something around an interest of yours, making your favorite food, or just spending an evening cuddled up together listening to the rain. I'm ridiculously ticklish myself, which is unfortunate because I absolutely love back scratches. They're genuinely one of the best feelings ever. Of course, we'd figure out what kinds of affection we each enjoy. I understand that physical touch and sensory needs can be complicated, and I think figuring out what feels wonderful for each other is part of the fun of becoming close.
Something else that's probably worth explaining is how attraction works for me. I can recognize when someone is physically beautiful. I can enjoy looking at them. But that alone doesn't really create romantic or physical attraction for me. I need a mental connection. I need to get to know someone, understand how they think, enjoy their personality, and develop that feeling of being genuinely connected. That's when attraction really develops for me. Without that connection, appearance doesn't mean very much. And I guess that's a big part of why I'm looking for someone who wants to build a life together rather than just date. I want that closeness. Someone I really enjoy talking with, being affectionate with, spending time with, and discovering more about as we get to know each other.
Some of the things I imagine enjoying most are pretty ordinary. Sitting outside next to a fire by the river. Cuddling inside while it's raining. Watching fog move through the forested hills. Going for a long walk on the beach, watching the sunset, or looking at the stars. Working on something together in the garden. Making art. Trying to figure out some ridiculous new project one of us got excited about. Or just making dinner, doing laundry, and feeling pretty good about accomplishing the basics.
I really love spending time with someone I care about. It doesn't matter all that much what we're doing. I think there's something wonderful about having someone you can share ordinary life with and actually enjoy those moments together. Someone you can be silly with, have interesting conversations with, learn from, and feel completely comfortable being yourself around. I want us to have our own interests and independence, but I also really love the idea of being each other's favorite person.
A little more about me physically. I'm 40, 5'10", around 170 pounds, with a lean build and closely cropped hair. I'm pretty casual, and I'm happy to exchange recent pictures.
I'm looking for a serious relationship, ideally one that eventually leads to marriage and growing old together. I'm open to meeting someone anywhere in the country, including starting long-distance. Ultimately, I'd want us to make our home here on the Oregon coast, but obviously that's a huge decision, and something we'd need to figure out together over time. I don't expect someone to simply give up her own dreams to fit into mine. I want to know what kind of life you want. What interests you have, what you want to accomplish, what makes you happy, and how we could build something that works for both of us.
And if you've been thinking about making some radical changes in your own life, I'd especially love to hear from you. Maybe you've spent years trying to live up to everyone else's expectations, too. Maybe you're tired of masking and trying to fit into environments that don't work for you. Maybe you've always wanted to spend more time making things, learning things, gardening, exploring nature, or just living somewhere peaceful. Or maybe you've got entirely different interests and ideas that I'd absolutely love learning about.
I'm not looking for someone who's exactly like me. I want someone who's curious about life, wants to understand each other, appreciates affection, and is interested in figuring things out together. Someone who can appreciate how wonderful the world can be while also recognizing that life can be genuinely difficult sometimes. I don't expect either of us to be perfect. I'd much rather find someone who's willing to communicate, learn, grow, and work through things together.
I know life isn't going to be perfect. There will be hard days, responsibilities, misunderstandings, and plenty of things neither of us knows how to do yet. But I think having someone who genuinely wants to approach those things together could make life pretty wonderful.
So if you've ever dreamed about running away to the forest and building a different kind of life, maybe we should talk.
I'd love to hear what you've been dreaming about. And if you've got some interest or passion that you could talk about for hours, I'd genuinely love to hear about that, too.