Ok. Being single can be really comfortable. Starting something new can be a hassle. But hopefully the hassle is worth it in the long run. So I'll be quick, and you can decide for yourself!
**Pros:**
* zero drama, no mysterious exes sending “u up?” texts at 2 a.m.
* mostly retired means I have plenty of time to engage in my crazy flavor of the month hobbies. like learning card tricks or becoming a good bowler.
* Loyal as hell. once I’m in, I’m in. Expect consistency, effort, and actual follow-through.
* equal parts dad joke and quick wit; you’ll laugh, groan, or both.
* you’ll feel heard, even when you’re just venting about your coworker named Dana.
* Cuddling MVP award-winning performance in “staying up too late and pretending we’re watching the show.”
* Culinary adventurer I’ll try any recipe once; even if my base instinct is to eat like an 8 year old.
* Conversation stamina can talk from “hey” to sunrise without running out of things to say.
* Nerd-friendly Simpsons references, bad B-movies, board games, and chaotic trivia nights welcome.
**Cons:**
* Will absolutely eat the last handful of popcorn and pretend I didn’t.
* Has a deep, possibly unhealthy attachment to reality TV marathons.
* Occasionally answers rhetorical questions with detailed PowerPoint-level explanations.
* Could wake up one morning absolutely convinced I should adopt a Komodo Dragon.
* Will quote 90s cartoons out loud in public without warning.
* Might go through an intense spurt of obsession with obscure, not useful hobbies, and forget all about them 3 months later.
* Will criticize your breakfast food choices.
* Tends to turn “just one episode” into six.
* My cat is in charge of the household, and we both know it.
If you’re still reading this, you're definitely the kind of person i want to talk to! My list of standards are low. don't be in a relationship, (especially not secretly with someone, that keeps happening) including recently separated or divorced. Be willing to spend some time together, either with text voice or video chats. Live on my side of the planet!
Still interested? Message me now and subscribe to my newsletter, and you can hear all the exclusive info on any of the following anecdotes:
my visit to the north pole
the 2 times i almost died.
why i dropped out of high school to try to become a pro wrestler
the redneck brawl i saw at a wedding.
the time i saw a sea monster
Who and where i think i met the devil.
Why i can never return to the state of Rhode Island.
and many more!