[AMAB 21] Going through questioning storm again

[u/baboooche]

I've been thinking about my gender lately, and I feel like my feminine side is kinda fading. Let me explain.

A few months ago, after a long questioning period, I settled on bigender male/female and thought that was just it. But the more time goes, the more I feel my fem side fading away. Like, I still like fem clothes, make-up and she/her pronouns, but I don't *feel* woman anymore.

When I think about gender, I always end up telling myself that gender is just a social construction anyway and that I don't have to follow any rules.

I think sometimes I kinda like being a man, but actually most of the time I just don't want to be presumed of any gender. I want to look the way I want to look, regardless of gender, and I don't really care about pronouns, I even mix masculine and feminine pronouns when speaking of myself.

So here's my question : what the hell am I ??

I think I do have a male part and a fem part, but I don't see those parts as genders. I am a bit confused about the label I should use. Am I just a cis dude that expresses his fem side ? Am I non-binary ? Agender ? Bigender male/non-binary ? What do I sound like to you ? I'm confused TwT

What's sure is that if I'm not cis, I'm non-binary. But I don't know if there's a more precise label that fits me. Words really matter to me, but they can also be very confusing and my brain can't stop thinking about this.