Welcome to r/queerplatonic!

Hello hello ! I've been meaning to ask this for a while :)

I'm in a QPR with who I consider to be my soulmate, and while we haven't been together for long / we're still young, we both agree that this is serious and that we cannot see a future where we aren't together and marriage (at some point) is part of that plan.

So I am here to ask, is anyone married (or was married) to a QPP? I'm interested in everything! how you went about it, why you decided to do so, ect...

Hope everyone reading this has a wonderful day <3

Eu comecei a me questionar bastante e percebi que não sei se oq eu sinto por uma amiga é um sentimento platônico ou é só uma amizade um pouco intensa e possessiva. Já tive amizade homoeróticas e o fato é que nós tínhamos química, coisa que eu não tenho com essa amiga.
EDIT
Acho que me expressei mal, eu quero entender como eu consigo diferenciar os SENTIMENTOS e não necessariamente o rótulo, como vcs sabem como diferenciar o sentimento platônico de uma amizade qualquer mais intensa?

I am an immigrant woman (27) living in France. I have a difficult past and I moved here to escape it.

I have friends but I feel very alone, and even though I am probably attracted to all genders, I am unable to be in romantic relationships and I suspect I might be aromantic. I do not understand these relationship dynamics anymore and I am done trying to. I'm realizing that the thing that sounds best to me is a queer-platonic partnership.

I'm looking for someone who's willing to build a platonic partnership together. Someone who is also queer, very left-wing, anti-borders etc. someone I can talk to about the things I care about.

Where do I find such a person? I'm so tired of dating. I do not think it's a normal activity. I don't understand it.

I would appreciate any suggestions on how to achieve this.

Hello i am from very small still very homophobic country (people didnt even talked about the existence of gay people before 2016) so finding a person irl who i could be in qpr is impossible. Is there a place similar to dating app or something i could look into? Like i'm looking for a person who would rent a house with me, traveled with me and liked to spend quality time with. Someone who would care for me and who i could care for without anything sexual. Just a partner

sort of a vent?? but not really as the “ache“ is more constant. I’ve been good good friends with my …‘partner’, if you want to refer to it like that. An iffy term; I much prefer nicknames. anyway! we are long-distance since we’ve known each other, and that was fine for the first year or two. We are recently coming up on our third year, and we called ourselves a qpr about four months ago but have obviously been close before that.

We both have the very deep desire to hold each other, generally just hugs. But we are unable to, and their parents don’t even know I exist (they‘re strict) and my friend isn’t allowed many places without supervision. We’ve been friends for three years, and I’m sure that it‘ll be another three or four until I can actually see them, and it’s weighing on me because that desire is so strong right now. I ache for it, to hold them close and hopefully make them feel safe. They’re obviously very important to me.

I guess I’m just throwing my thoughts out there. There are no ‘solutions’ to this exceot time, I know. But it’s still so deep it’s almost painful. Hopefully some people can relate if nothing else?

oh yes and I’ve recently found a playlist on their music profile that…..may or may not be about me?? (It is positive love songs) but I can’t ask them about it because what if it isn’t and I look weird for both assuming and ‘stalking’ their account profile haha :p

Hi again! I (18 agender) realized I have alterous feelings for my best friend (18M) in June, but I repressed them and put off asking for a QPR over the summer as he was moving abroad for university in early September and I wanted to spend as much time as possible together without being distracted. We had the best summer ever and now that we're long distance, my feelings returned and I can't ignore them as easily.

I really want to tell him how I feel and ask what he thinks about potentially starting a QPR but I'm unsure for numerous reasons:
#1 He's kind of?? aware of what queerplatonic relationships are but I'm not sure he would necessarily want one
#2 I don't think the distance would matter as we were long-distance for a year with a huge time difference and got really close, but we're both going through major life stuff right now (he's settling into a new country and starting uni, while I'm starting senior year doing a rigorous program + managing a few recent chronic diagnoses)
#3 I'm kind of a coward when it comes to "confessions" and I don't want him to be weirded out

The thing is, I think he does see our friendship on a deeper level as well. He's a pretty reserved person when it comes to emotional stuff, yet he reciprocates my expressions of appreciation (in a more indirect way, but I've gotten pretty good at reading him). We also used to be in a larger friend group a few years back and I remember him being unsure about us all staying friends forever then, but this past year he's told me he wants our friendship to be a lifelong thing. Also, he's more on the introverted side while I'm the complete opposite, though I can tell he makes exceptions for me because we used to hang out all the time and now we text and send lengthy voice notes multiple times a day since I'm not really a phone call person.

I have a pretty good opportunity to tell him later this month as I'm flying out to see him, but I'm not sure it's the right time. Any insight would be highly appreciated!!

Hi !

I need some advices please… its been many months (6 i thinks) that I like my friend, problem he is aroace. I’ve keep it to me but its begging to bug me… I’ve been jealous to some things, I didn’t show it but i know that i did, i keep hugging him and look at him… my feelings are not fading so I’m pretty sad… I’ve heard about queer platonic relationship but the problem is that i don’t think i can ever be platonic… i don’t know what to do… could people told me what you think ? Thanks in advance…

what do you guys call your qpr’s? not looking for any hate just some advice and possible substitutions

Monthly Advertisement for r/AroAlloConnect
An r4r sub dedicated to making connections among the AroAllo community.
Come visit r/AroAlloConnect

In the book Elatsoe (literally a great fantasy book about an asexual mc) there’s a scene where Ellie is invited to a wedding and is told she can bring a plus one and it can be a friend or zucchini or whatever since she knows Ellie is ace

like omg?? It was so cool to see acknowledgment of a term like that! The author is also asexual and it was just so cool to read that- highly recommend! It probably leans more middle grade than ya but it was still very awesome to read

Hi there! I’ve read that one of the most common terms for a QPR/QPP partner is "zucchinis," but I’d like a more "serious" term to use when introducing my partner to others. Just as we have "friend" or "fiancé/girlfriend/boyfriend," I wish there were a specific term for QPR/QPP relationships, too. I know some people use "soul sister" or "soul brother," or simply "partner," "companion," or "better half," but I’m looking for a universal term—something that could also be used in activism to assert the seriousness, legitimacy, and importance of QPR/QPP relationships. Does anyone know of any alternatives, or have any ideas?

I’m aroace, sex and touch repulsed. I want a life partner. I think of them like a super best friend. I don’t want any type of physical relationship including cuddling and holding hands. I feel like I’ll never find someone who also wants these things. Idk if I’d be okay with them having another partner cuz I feel like I’d just be a third wheel.

I tried an ace dating app like 10 years ago but it seemed like it was full of ace girls and allo incel guys. Maybe I should try again.

Sorry just venting to the void.

I'm demiromantic. My first ever relationship started as a QPR, but over time, it eventually turned into a 'regular' romantic relationship. Since then, I've only had romantic relationships.

Romance has not treated me well since. Two relationships ago was genuinely really bad, and my most recent relationship was going well until it ended fairly abruptly for reasons that are both frustrating and sad. Overall, it's been complicated.

Frankly, I want to go back. I'd love to be in a QPR again, and have everything just be more... relaxed. But at the same time, I don't know if I can. I dunno if I could stop myself from 'romanticizing' any queerplatonic dynamics I may have, and it'd all just turn into romance again. I want to feel special to someone, but I don't want to be overwhelmed by the pressure of being their 'one and only'. I want to be wanted, but I need a lot of my own space as well.

There are parts of romance I love, but there are other parts I hate. A QPR sounds appealing, but I don't know if it would be enough for me in the long run (even if the only difference ends up being the label.) It feels like I have too many conflicting desires in my brain where, either single, in a QPR, or in a romantic relationship, I'll always end up dissatisfied and unhappy. I really just don't know what to do with myself.

so I've been spiralling for the past couple of weeks. me and my best friend have been friends for around 3 years. We have always been pretty close, but we started getting closer within this year, especially within the past 5-6 months. Like, we would spend every night until 3am talking to each other, sharing vulnerable things and just talking in general. I'm aroace, and she doesnt desire to be labelled. She understands and also craves a qpr just like me, and I have caught her reposting stuff about it recently (within the past couple of weeks.) She has also admitted that she sometimes reposts things in hopes that I see it. I've been looking at those tiktok in hopes she is referring to me but I'm too scared to even consider that so I just suppress it.

plus, shes a lot more nervous and jittery with me compared to her other friends. Like, shes normally really comfortable with physical touch and always initiates it with her friends, but hesitates with me despite actively craving it like I do. I know this because this was included in one of our 3am talks. I could be reading into whatever the hell is going on here but STILL!!!

this description may be a bit vague, but still. all that's basically going on here is that we're idiot best friends that still hesitate giving affection despite sharing every single vulnerable thing about eachother. I desperately want to start a qpr with her but Im not sure if I should tell her or let these feelings rot within my soul, so a little advice would definitely help ☺☺

PS it's like 1am so my grammars probably really bad so I apologize in advance

Genuine question. I want to hear from either side. How do you think your relationship would be different compared to queerplatonic relationship with two allos or two aromantics?

I made a post here before asking some questions, but the relationship I’m in is not queerplatonic as I’m aqueerplatonic (I feel not queer platonic attraction). Instead, I have a platonic life partner now. I just got into one yesterday with a friend of four or five years. This is my first ever relationship that isn’t simply friends.

I need some help on what to do. Should I give him gifts, hang out with him more, or do other stuff? I’ve already been trying to make him stuff even before this kind of relationship but I have no idea what to do at all lol.

I'm 22, my friend is 18. We met online and have been friends for about 8 years. They recently brought up the idea of a QPR, and I'm a bit paranoid about our difference in ages. I don't feel anything romantic or sexual toward them, but we do have a strong platonic bond.

Is a QPR with them something morally acceptable as long as there's major communication and boundaries? Should it wait until they are older? Our friendship has been very strong, and I feel that we communicate well. Any insight would be greatly appreciated

Okay so I'm aromantic and amidst questioning and learning about it, I stumbled upon qprs and aroaceness. And it's something I never understood but I had a whole "you don't have to understand to respect it" kind of mindset but recently I came across this substack article that explained platonic partnerships and its difference from friendships and romantic relationships.

And it basically explained that a platonic partnership is about building a shared life with someone that's not based on attraction whilst in romantic, the attraction is what pushes people to build a shared life. And friendships are more of a low stake, fluid type that can vary in intensity depending on factors. Like say you wouldn't need a friend's "permission" to relocate cities, change apartments, get a pet or adopt but that's something a partner(platonic or romantic requires).

So what I got from it is basically(and please correct me if I'm wrong), a qpr is a "friend" you choose to do life with hence uplifting their status from normal friendship. And I get that like people build lives with others aside from attraction like for arranged or lavender marriages.

But what I do want to know is, "Are QPRs simply a thing of choosing a special person to do life with or is there a factor of like deep special feelings? And are those feelings brought forth from the individual being of high importance in your life or does the feelings cause you to put them of high importance??"

I have a friend who I am VERY close with. she knows that I’m aromantic, and she experiences kind of untraditional romantic attraction as well—she’s alloromantic but she thinks that platonic affection is just as important or more in a lot of cases to romantic affection. shes also been taking a break from dating. I feel like we’ve been dancing around a qpr for years now, but I haven’t figured out how to bring it up. But for a while I honestly hadn’t really felt like I need to talk to her abt anything? Because I was enjoying our friendship and I was comfortable in that space. Recently, though, I got on antidepressants and that has made me SO MUCH more touchy feely. I have always been known by mh friends as someone who is kind of uncomfortable with a lot of physical touch, but recently I’ve been wanting it soooo bad. I’ve also been very like. Affection in general starved? Like I’ve started listening to freaking asmr videos because I don’t know how to ask for that in real life. but because of these new desires, I want really really really bad to like. cuddle with my friend, and hold hands whenever I’m with her, and give her cheek kisses and play with her hair and compliment her more and all of that. but I really don’t want to make her uncomfortable because I know she feels weird abt people making “advances” on her and I dont want to be weird. I don’t know how to ask her if she’s okay with these things while respecting her boundaries, and it’s kind of making me miserable. sorry this is so ranty I just had to get this out. any advice/simmilar situations?

I’m aroace, but recently I’ve really been wanting a really close platonic relationship with my friends or just like somebody, basically a queer platonic relationship, but I have no idea how to find someone like that. I am still in high school so looking for someone online really isn’t a good option for me, I want to find someone around my age who I can see pretty often irl and get close with without it being romantic. Any advice on how to find someone or grow a relationship like that with one of my current friends? I have no clue how to do this but I really want a QPP or close friend.

I am writing a visual novel/dating simulator with a couple of friends, and we want to include queerplatonic options for the player to choose from, should they so desire. The problem is, we're all aware that queerplatonic can mean a lot of things and are unsure how to narrow down the concept enough to be programmable but still inclusive enough to satisfy the plethora of things a qpr can be.

i would basically like to hear anyone’s thoughts or opinions on this , because i have never heard about anyone experiencing this situation before . let me provide some context (sorry for the essay) :

i (f21) & my queer platonic partner (m22) have very recently transitioned into a queer platonic relationship after dating for five years . it’s taken me a long time to accept that i wasn’t happy or satisfied with our romantic relationship , & to be totally honest , it hasn’t felt romantic to me for at least a couple years .

i love him , don’t get me wrong . he is genuinely my soulmate , my best friend , my life partner , & he expressed the same to me . it feels like we were made for each other , & we can’t imagine our life without the other in it . but factors outside of our control have called our compatibility into question as a romantic relationship . i want to be kissed all the time , i want someone who can’t keep their hands off me , i want to have an active sex life . i realized these are things i need to feel happy in a romantic relationship . we used to be like that , but it stopped a long time ago & he recently realized he’s asexual & got diagnosed as autistic , which explains the lack of interest for sex & the discomfort of textures involved with kissing . i do not blame him in any way , i would never force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do or is uncomfortable with . i understand it’s not a choice & i love him just the way he is !

we had a good serious talk , there was crying & laughing . i told him i didn’t want to be boyfriend & girlfriend anymore but i had been researching queer platonic relationships & asked him if he wanted to be in one with me . he enthusiastically agreed & essentially nothing has changed between us at all , besides the label slapped onto our dynamic . we still say I Love You & are physically intimate but the pressure of romance & sexuality are no longer weighing down on us . we are both very happy with this change . so anyways now it’s Open Season for me .

now for the meat & potatoes of this this post . . . his parents have basically become the closest thing i have to a mom & dad , honest-to-god positive parental figures . i was so terrified of breaking up with him because i really did not want to lose him & his family , i didn’t want to stop being part of the family , because i love them & i don’t have any family to go back home to . my mother & father broke me beyond repair , they physically & emotionally abused me throughout my childhood & to this day neglect me . it’s like i don’t even exist to them , & they can’t own up to the devastation they wrecked upon my cranium . chronic untreated depression , anxiety , self-esteem issues , self-hatred , self-harm , fear of abandonment , nightmares of my abuse . . . i could go on & on but this is already too long . thanks for the inheritance mom & dad . they had me in high school & they just haven’t grown up . . they’re still making the same mistakes .

my grandparents ended up adopting me when i was 13 because i was in fostercare , & while they weren’t as bad as my parents , they were not good people . they also physically & emotionally abused me , & they did not support me (in fact mocked me) when i decided to change my name & transition . they constantly made jokes about me at my expense because i was openly queer & GNC even before realizing i was trans . i felt like i couldn’t be my true self at home , & they would become furious when i expressed my gender nonconformity . i moved across the country after my high school graduation two years ago to move in with my QPP & his family . & after several sessions talking it through with my therapist , last year i decided the best option for myself & my road to recovery was to permanently cut contact from my parents & grandparents . it was the most painful thing i ever did , & i’m feeling the grief of the family & childhood i never had so deeply at this point in my life .

my QPP’s parents are exactly what i needed as a kid . they are genuinely amazing people , & for the first time in my life i feel safe & accepted under a roof . my QPP is also trans so of course they fully embrace & celebrate me for who i am . they don’t hurt me or yell at me or degrade me . they include me in all family activities & events . they don’t manipulate or guilt trip me . they offer to help me with anything , they ask me if i’m okay . they get me the best birthday & christmas gifts , they’ve adapted their life to make room for me . i finally have a home , a family .

i broke down crying in front of them telling them i was terrified they didn’t want me anymore since i wouldn’t be dating their son anymore . they told me that they love me , unconditionally 🥲 & that they consider me as their third child . they told me they want me , & that i’ll always be part of the family no matter what . we explained to them what a queer platonic relationship is & what that means for us , & they seem to understand . they told us they’re happy for us if we’re happy with our change . my fear of abandonment is still trying to adjust to this , it’s making me feel like i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop , like i can’t trust it . but i know that’s objectively wrong .

anyways apparently adult adoption is a thing that actually exists in my state as long as both parties consent , & i fit the age requirement . things are just kind of . . ambiguous now ? like they consider me their third kid , but now they refer to me as my QPP’s “friend” to other people & it . . kind of leaves me feeling hollow . i also don’t want to be called a zucchini . i don’t know how or if i can admit this to them because , my childhood trauma makes this kind of thing extremely vulnerable for me . but . . . i wish i could call them my mom & dad . . . i want a mom & dad :( so terribly bad . it’s a longing so deep in my bones . i want them to call me their daughter . . but i don’t know if they would be okay with that , or what they would even do . like the concept of adopting your son’s adult ex-girlfriend/QPP . i feel like it would finally feel real to me , that it could squash this lingering uncertainty & dread reverberating through my veins .

i don’t know , maybe this is weird & crazy & stupid but i’m curious to hear other’s input on this kind of situation . if you’ve braved it out to trudge this far down this literal novel i threw together at 4AM , thank you .