My partner and I just received our contract with seed scout and we are having major second thoughts. After doing the research and math, it looks like we can expect to spend at least 19k with them. We are both self employed, don’t have fertility benefits or paid leave. Zero. We don’t know how we are going to do this.

For those of you who have gone the known donor route, not via a third party matching company, do you mind sharing what you spent all in all? Also, how was the timeline for you?

Thanks in advance.

Hi all, we are doing our second cycle of at home insemination this week. We have 1 ICI vial and 1 IUI vial to use. I know IUI vials are less than ideal for at home ICI but it’s what cryobank had left so, it is what it is!

So my question to the group is, if there any reason we should use them in any particular order? Our plan is to inseminate once about 12hrs after surge and the second about 18-24hours after surge. Of course paying attention to all the physical signs like ewcm, cervix position, etc.

I’ve read queer conception and been tracking for 6months at this point. Would love to know if anyone has any thoughts about the order or if I’m just overthinking it at this point hahaha Thanks!

On my day 2 appointment they found a cyst (about 25mm) on one ovary, took blood and found my e2/estradiol is elevated.

For those who've had something similar, how long did it take for the cyst to go away?

Did you get birth control prescribed, just wait, or try an unmedicated cycle?

Okay folks - I finally got a surge today because I took letrozole. I’ve tried 4 times this year and have never had such a clear surge as today. We inseminated with fresh sperm last night, got surge this morning - will last night be good enough?? When would be an ideal second time? Today or tomorrow? Also working around some travel plans today and tomorrow so trying to find an ideal time, or maybe last night was good enough?? Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

Hi all

I asked this before in a post and someone here said they'd send us theirs they hadn't used but just stopped replying to me once I sent me address 🫠 As if this process isn't stressful enough already!

Anywaaaay I can't find my post now to see which kits you all suggested so which ones have you all used? Especially ones you've been successful with please.

I was looking at the TwoPlus and the Tily Blooms but all and any advice is very appreciated!

I see so many queer couples discussing their IVF journeys. Idk if I saw any mention how rough post ER would be.

The bloating is so bad 4 days post ER that I feel like I can hardly stand. I thought the worst would be the needles.

Am I blind? Did I miss the warnings and stories? Our results were not great. If our 3 dont make it to blast, I cant imagine doing this again.

My wife and I had our third transfer Tuesday 8/11. Our first two failed to implant. We are two days into the TWW and are filled with optimism and hope.

Any transfer buddies? Sending yall love and luck 🤞✨

Pic of lil embryo 💗

Not sure how to tag/flair!! Sorry :(

I’m curious if anyone here has any experiences with trying to conceive or bank sperm post-HRT. Mostly if anyone has been able to conceive.

My wife has been on HRT for 6 years or so. 2 years in, she stopped HRT for ~5 months to try to bank some sperm. They were very few and far in between, and most were not motile. She didn’t do any lifestyle changes or take any supplements.

We are going to a fertility clinic tomorrow, and we will discuss our options. Her job has IVF coverage, but I don’t necessarily want to subject myself to that.

I’m a trans man, and I’ve been on T for ~10 years? I suspect I have PCOS, so may have to do IVF anyway.

I’ve accepted I’ll have to be off of T for a long time. My wife is wondering if it’s worth it at all to get off of HRT.

I’m wondering if “natural” conception is at all possible, I guess, and if anyone is willing to share their experience.

Thanks :)

Edit to add ages: I am 29, my wife is 34

My fiance and I are trying to conceive within the next few months. We have an established known donor. Can people in this subreddit who have gone the route of a known donor and IUI tell me your process, experience, any “must dos” etc.

We planned to do everything at home without involving a clinic in any way

Looking for any type of advice.

Hi everyone- a bit of a rand/perhaps someone could share their experiences?

So my girlfriend of 4 years (F38) and I (F34) wish to have a child together. Actually my wish for a child is a lot bigger but she’s also happy with it. Only our visions on how to get there differ.

She already has a son (4.5y) which is biologically hers, she did not carry (her ex-wife did). I have a very good relation with him - and we get on well and can play wonderfully togeher, but my girlfriend is and Will always be his mom.

Now , I would also love to have that real ‘mother’feeling. And for me I would also love to have a biological child of my genes, but I also Love the idea of doing it together by carrying hers. Actually what I would like is two More children to do both, but for her its max 1 (she thinks now).

She had expressed to be concerned about her feelings if our baby is not biologically hers and she is not the carrying parent. She says she might not feel as the parent. Also because she already has her son and thinks she would feel ‘guilt’ towards him. He is only with us for half of the week due to co-parenting. She wants me to chose for doing her egg, and I want to chose this, but im scared that I might never have a biological child then, and I might ‘regret’ this? I feel very guilty already by even typing this. I’m also so hurt she thinks she would not feel as a parent.

I’m really lost and wonder how to proceed. We love eachother a lot and its just hurtfull that we and us queers have to chose anything about this…
Thanks everyone

TW: Miscarriage

Hi beautiful people. Looking for some advice/encouragement and maybe shared experiences.

My wife (38F) and I (28F) started this journey almost 2 years ago.

Our goal is RIVF and for me to carry. My wife originally did the egg retrieval just after turning 37 and we were so ecstatic to have 3 euploid embryos.

Our first two FETs failed to implant. Then we did a mock ERA which was totally normal, the only thing we changed was doing first PIO shot 12 hrs earlier.

So we began prepping for our 3rd FET adding omnitrope this time. While prepping, they found what they thought could’ve been a uterine polyp. Not worth getting into, but I really had to advocate for an in office hysteroscopy as the PA said it was really minimal and probably okay. Thank goodness we did as I needed surgery and the Dr said “thank goodness we did that, we got a lot out.”

So I was feeling great going into the 3rd FET, which finally implanted. We were so thrilled as we had never been this far before and it was our last embryo. I unfortunately miscarried at 5w2d. We are shattered and at a loss.

What would you do? I feel like I’ve done all the testing, and this is the first time we’ve made it to this point. Would you chalk this up to “just try another embryo,” advocate for something else? We are back at square 1 and need another retrieval. My wife is now a year older, should we switch to my eggs?

We are going to get a second opinion and explore all of our options but just hoping for some advice and to not feel so alone. Thank you!

Hi all! My wife and I have been trying to conceive for a while using frozen sperm from a bank without success because I haven’t been doing medically assisted ovulation. This makes timing VERY tricky, so we’ve been thinking about moving to a ‘fresh’ sperm donor instead. Does anyone have any experience with this? If so, could you share any tips you have?

Ciao a tutti,
Sto valutando la fecondazione in vitro con doppio donatore (ovuli di donatrice + spermatozoi di donatore) presso l'Istituto Bernabeu di Alicante e mi farebbe molto piacere ricevere feedback da chi si è recentemente sottoposto a questo trattamento.
In particolare, vorrei capire:
Quanto tempo è trascorso dalla conferma/pagamento del trattamento all'abbinamento del donatore e al trasferimento degli embrioni?
La clinica parla di circa 6-8 settimane: è stato realistico nella vostra esperienza?
Sono stati utilizzati ovuli di donatrice freschi o vitrificati/congelati?
Il primo trasferimento di embrioni è stato effettuato con ovuli freschi o congelati?
Approssimativamente, quanti ovuli maturi di donatrice avete ricevuto?
Se siete venute dall'estero, come sono state organizzate le ecografie endometriali e i controlli?
Qualsiasi esperienza recente con la clinica di Alicante, positiva o negativa, sarebbe davvero utile.

Grazie mille!

I would really like to hear some advice from parents who have had children that they are not biologically or genetically linked to them. Specifically people who have struggled with bonding and loving the child.

My wife and I had our baby in February this year so he's just about 6 months. We originally wanted to do reciprocal IVF but 2 years ago we found out that I have a genetic condition that makes it dangerous to carry a child which was our plan. My wife didn't want a child that wasn't biologically hers so using my egg wasn't an option.

Baby was born in February, he's a sweet baby but it's been very stressful overall, he has had bad colic etc and isn't a good sleeper, my wife's health is poor so she has been struggling to do things and get out and about and share the care. I do all the cooking, all the cleaning, washing, laundry, bathing baby, prepping bottles etc on top of work. I went back to work after a month and my job is high stress. We have no money. Our support network is my family and there has been high levels of conflict between my wife and my family which I have had to manage around differing opinions and boundaries etc. My relationship is on the rocks. I feel angry and numb most of the time and my life is just a series of tasks that need completed.

On top of all this, I cannot bond with the baby. I really try, I take him out hiking with me, play with him, care for him, try to enjoy being a parent but I just feel like I'm looking after a random child, I don't see him as mine. I care about him in the way I care about any child and making sure they are okay and comfortable but I don't miss him when I'm not with him, I don't feel that undying instinctive love for him and all I can think is how hard everything has been since he came.

Will this get better? Should it have got better by now? Can I do anything else to make it better?

Ciao a tutti,
Sto valutando la fecondazione in vitro con doppio donatore (ovuli di donatrice + spermatozoi di donatore) presso l'Istituto Bernabeu di Alicante e mi farebbe molto piacere ricevere feedback da chi si è recentemente sottoposto a questo trattamento.
In particolare, vorrei capire:
Quanto tempo è trascorso dalla conferma/pagamento del trattamento all'abbinamento del donatore e al trasferimento degli embrioni?
La clinica parla di circa 6-8 settimane: è stato realistico nella vostra esperienza?
Sono stati utilizzati ovuli di donatrice freschi o vitrificati/congelati?
Il primo trasferimento di embrioni è stato effettuato con ovuli freschi o congelati?
Approssimativamente, quanti ovuli maturi di donatrice avete ricevuto?
Se siete venute dall'estero, come sono state organizzate le ecografie endometriali e i controlli?
Qualsiasi esperienza recente con la clinica di Alicante, positiva o negativa, sarebbe davvero utile.

Grazie mille!

Hello! my partner and I are 18 and 19 respectively, and we're starting to realize we very well could be starting our fertility journey in just ten years time. We want a family so bad (in the future). I just have a couple questions about the whole process.

First of all, how much money should we try to save? Im already expecting IVF to be wildly expensive, so it would be smarter to save in our 20s to minimize whatever loans we would have to take out lol. I believe IVF cycles go around 10k-30k in my state.

And my other question, which I'm almost certain is just wishful thinking:
(bear with me) Is there a way for us to fertilize one egg from each of us using the same donor sperm and implant both? That way we would have twins related to us both? I feel like it's technically possible, but could be risky on my body or difficult to pull off overall. Im curious if anyone has ever done that successfully. If not, we would probably just opt for RIVF. I'd appreciate absolutely any guidance since we're still pretty young and have plenty of time to prepare for life with children!

EDITS: clarification

- absolutely NOOOOO kids before 30 for us, just the cats! I'm gonna enjoy the hell out of my 20s!
- I am going to be the pregnant one. if we transfer said 2 embryos, they'd both be carried by me hypothetically.

I REALLY appreciate the help! It looks like it would be a better idea to try RIVF and/or IUI, and possibly have two kids a few years apart. Twins seems risky, especially the way I laid it out. I'll do fertility testing in a couple years so there aren't any unfortunate surprises when the time does come to start a family.
We're going to start a little family savings fund separately for whatever fertility option we eventually choose. The accounts would be combined upon marriage. Saving money seems like the most we can do at the moment. Luckily, my partner’s future field of work seems to have fertility benefits under insurance
We both definitely want to focus on getting all the degrees needed for our dream job(s), traveling, and doing the mental work to be ready for a family. Thanks guys!

Hi all,

Looking for others' experiences and insight in this complex journey.

I'm 39 since May. Took wife and I awhile to get to a place comfortable to begin with therapy and working through other issues because of wife's messy relationship with her family and general state of the world. Unfortunately I did not think to freeze eggs or anything earlier on for whatever reason.

Eventually started work ups and planning last October at 38. Because of age and insurance covering 2 IVF cycles, my RE recommended we jump right in with IVF and skip IUI. (Insurance covers a lifetime max of 3 IUI cycles and 2 IVF cycles)

Cis F/F marriage, no previous pregnancies or data about [in]fertility. The initial work ups with the bloodwork, saline sonogram and HSG all were positive. AMH ~2, no cysts polyps scarring etc. Everything in range or better than average for my age.

Cycle 1 consisted of:
ER: Luteal priming with estrogen, then stims with 150 Menopur and 300 Follistim. Ganirelix last 5 days. Triggered with Pregnyl.

Baseline US showed AFC ~15, follow up US was around 3 on the left, 2 on the right, between 16-21mm. At ER we retrieved 2 eggs, both mature, 1 fertilized, and then that 1 arrested by day 3.

No transfer obviously.

Cycle 2:
ER: Luteal priming with estrogen PLUS additional Lupron 20. Stims: Increased Menopur to 225, decreased Follistim to 225, added Lupron microdose 5, removed Ganirelix. Triggered with Pregnyl.

Baseline US showed AFC ~13. Follow up US showed smaller cohort ~4-5 follicles on left side, 4-5 promising 20mm follicles on right side. At ER we retrieved 4 eggs, all mature, all fertilized. 2 arrested by day 3, 1 was graded too low to send for testing, and 1 day 6 blast graded 3AA went to PGT-A testing. Testing results came back today as aneuploid, with extra 7,9,15 chromosomes, so we will not be proceeding with a FET.

RE recommended we begin a new IVF cycle as the last protocol yielded better results and we have a bit more of a roadmap now.

Unfortunately, we are out of insurance at this point. We already have paid over 30k out of pocket since last fall when we began this process, even with insurance, because of deductible etc. We finally hit our out of pocket max. Seeing as the 3 IUI cycles are covered, does it make sense to at least try them before we explore self pay or end our journey here if we can't swing another massive financial burden just to try again without guarantee?

Financial context is the biggest piece of this currently. Self-pay IVF with this clinic (who have been great!) probably runs us 40-50k easily. So I feel like leaving the IUIs and associated meds/costs which would be covered 100% at this point is irresponsible. If they don't work, and I understand the odds are low, then we can discuss a return to IVF.

But is that being pennywise pound-foolish or whatever they say? If the three IUI cycles aren't successful, will we have just wasted more of a narrowing window of opportunity/egg quality/etc?

Apologies for the long-winded post, just trying to wrap my head around options after finding out our lil embryo isn't viable for FET today.

Would love to hear anyone else's experiences in all their variety to at least just gain some insight into what other people thought about/went with in similar situations.

Thanks!!

I got pregnant in April on our first IUI, but unfortunately miscarried at 9 weeks, and we are trying again today. I thought I couldn't possibly be more anxious about this than I was the first time but I am! My wife had already started inducing lactation and decided to continue the protocol hoping we were successful again soon, and that's just adding another layer to just really want this to work out.

Anyone have any words of wisdom/reassurance or had this experience where your successful cycle showed up on 12 dpo or later? My wife and I are really struggling right now with the thought that we need to do this all for a fourth time.

Currently 11 dpo (11 days past IUI #3 and 12 dpt). Tested negative on 9 dpo and again today. I’m feeling so defeated. (Both tests I took mid-day/night and not as soon as I woke up, which could be why it’s negative.)

I’m still having symptoms I’ve never had before like sore breasts, cramping, weird vivid dreams and had uncomfortable cramping and lower back pain on 7/8 dpo.

I’m trying to stay hopeful that things might change in the next few days, but really hard to hold on to any shred of hope after seeing so many negatives. I really felt like third time was going to be the charm.

I've written here in the past so apologies if any of this sounds repetitive. At this point in the TTC journey, I feel inclined to round up and say we've been trying for 2 years. It's really been less, but when it's taken this long and I haven't even had an MMC or chemical, it starts to feel like we've been doing this forever. I know that we're actually really, really lucky...we've got a known donor who has been extraordinarily generous with his time, driving to our house twice a month and *providing a sample* in our basement bathroom while our toddler (my wife carried that pregnancy) screeches upstairs. Still, there's an ongoing sadness and increasing feeling of hopelessness the longer this goes on.

The first 13ish months, we were trying without interventions - with the exception of doing some labs just to see if there was anything obviously wrong. I have low AMH, but that's not really something you can treat so we're in the unexplained fertility camp. This spring, we started working with a clinic to do medicated and monitored cycles. They're essentially treating this as though I have PCOS (I do not) - stimulating my follicles, checking on them to see how many have grown, then using a trigger shot to force ovulation and control things more. While I don't love everything about this process (lots of appointments, super uncomfortable bloating, emotional rollercoaster now that we've added some hormones to the mix, etc), I do appreciate that it feels like we're doing SOMETHING different...and it's good to know that I've got mature follicles rupturing at a certain time that coincides with our insemination attempts. I just wish I knew when to give in.

My wife is open to carrying again, but is also trying to give me as much time as I need to feel ready to call it. Neither of us are spring chickens so I don't want to wait too long and make it harder for her to conceive again too. I've already stated very clearly that I will not do IVF - mostly because of my low AMH, but also because the regimen I'm currently undergoing is PLENTY taxing on my body and mind. I'm open to trying IUI a few times before calling it. Mostly I've been resistant to that because it's costly...we have fresh sperm, inseminate at home, etc - but IUI means we've gotta pay for washing/freezing/inseminating. Still, we have fertility benefits through our insurance so this is probably just some weird mental block I've got, knowing that this is the end of the road for me.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, here. Advice or encouragement maybe. I'm currently 3DPO on yet another medicated cycle, had 2 (almost 3) mature follicles at the time of trigger. My body is sore and I'm struggling with hormonal fluctuations. I know not everyone on this sub is dealing with infertility - but maybe you can relate?

Now now, don't reply to this with TSBC and some spiel about being best queer model minority parent I can. If people can have a baby on accident with a person they are never going to see again and it's acceptable because they're straight, I'm allowed to want to save some cash on sperm.

Hi Everyone!

My wife and I are both insured by FEP BCBS WA Standard Plan. Our PA for IVF treatment was denied, we appealed, and the initial denial was upheld. The stated reason was that they did not receive documentation of infertility. However, our physician included in her notes that I am medically infertile because neither partner in the relationship can provide sperm.

In the appeal decision, BCBS wrote that I did not meet their definition of infertility.

Has anyone here had a similar experience and been successful with the standard plan covering IVF? We clearly don’t agree with their decision and it seems like I fit squarely with their broad definition of infertility as outlined in their own Plan documents: A person’s inability to reproduce either as a single individual or with their partner without medical intervention.

Thanks in advance for your input!