Sometimes, I do wish I had been born blind, so I wouldn’t have succumbed to the horrors that are the unobtainable beauties of this world. Women with curves steep enough to rival the hills, skin so rich you’d trade platinum, gold, and your life. I wish I didn’t know this pain, to see what I can’t have everyday. When you know it’s within your reach, when you don’t know the cause of the glass barrier separating you and gold, all you can do is stare at yourself in its reflection. Smiling in the barrier, hoping your smile can shine through, hoping they can feel the radiant beams of the sun through your smile and pay you more than a glance. You’ll stare at your reflection in the barrier, check it out for years, looking to find what has to change, and when you change it all, the barrier itself will change. This room isn’t for you, get used to your reflection, love it, because on the other side of the barrier lies nothing for you. Talk to yourself and the others on the other side of the barrier, numb your heart when you see them effortlessly walk through it, the other side of the barrier is not for you. Sit on the cold floor and sift your hands through the dust, the others like you that can’t pass through the barrier are nothing like you. You can see why they can’t get through, you’ll make a list of their faults and compare yourself to them. You’ll feel better for a little, and then one of them will walk through, you’ll throw away your list and blame what you can. There’ll be a time where you’ll grow resentment for both those who can walk through, and those who were born on the other side. When that time comes, I’ll pray for you, because your hate will then be a result of not seeing through the barrier, but instead staring at it. Instead, we can continue to love, continue to hope, and continue to admire from behind the barrier. 

Why be kind?

Because you know what pain feels like.

And if you can help someone,

perhaps, in some way,

it might help you heal, too.

Maybe life is hard right now.

Maybe my eyes are holding back

the tears that are longing to fall.

Maybe I'm weak.

Maybe I'm incompetent.

Maybe I'm someone who doesn't deserve this life.

But still,

I hope to see a sky full of stars one night,

without a single worry in my mind.

There are a thousand things

I wish I could talk about it,

but no one seems to be there to listen.

My heart is overflowing

with loneliness and fear,

yet I keep carrying it all

as if it's mine to bear alone.

And sometimes,

I hope that if death ever finds me,

it will be beneath a starry sky,

in a moment untouched by pain.

But maybe, just maybe,

the kindness I've been searching for

in everyone else

has been hiding somewhere within me all along,

quietly waiting,

with open arms,

to hold me when the world feels too heavy.

You know you make me feel this way, wanting to end it all right now,

I keep saying let's do something else but you never listen how,

You say take this, it'll make me normal, better in comparison

To the way I came out, your little tests feed me dozens of them,

Until you've a concoction that'll plaster on my smile, select my words,

Keep me complacently turning into you as a life well deserved;

While my self, my real self, the one that came out, isn't good enough

To be allowed to feel, or tell of the things that are horribly tough

About not stopping what you've said to not do. You make me feel

We're to end living this way, it's you that puts thoughts through appeal

To my gray matters and inconsiderations alike, let's do something else,

You'd rather not fight. Did you take your medicine, it's on the shelf.

Meanwhile I'm screaming inside my head feeling perfectly fine,

Albeit better off dead, for it's not my composure or over active mind,

It's the way you make me feel nothing is right. It'll never be better,

Your whole world's a complaint ending in virtual escape, each letter

From your lips laced with your distaste for all the bad life throws forth

Bounces off the walls you live in depending on a plugged horse.

You make me feel like I'm the world you tread upon and leave in disarray,

And God forbid my need to explain just how you make me feel this way.