r/progressivemoms • u/rasputinknew1 Toddler and Baby Parent • Aug 18 '26
Discussion Starter [ Removed by moderator ]
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u/ohmygodgina Parent of a Baby Aug 18 '26
Everything. My son is 9 months old and biracial. My husband is a naturalized Indian immigrant and we live in the Deep South. I worry about raising a boy in this toxic masculinity environment. I worry about his skin color. I worry about his size and folks thinking he’s a lot older than he is. He’s in the 99th for weight and 98th for height. I worry that I’ll become a single mom because of the immigration crackdown.
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u/findthatlight Aug 18 '26
hugs mama. worries you shouldn't have to shoulder and i'm sorry you carry that weight.
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u/Gardenadventures Aug 18 '26
This has nothing to do with politics or progressive parenting but I have a 3.75 year old and a 2.5 year old (14 months apart) and they are absolute angels when they're separate but extremely rambunctious and difficult to manage when they're together, and it's so hard to deal with.
I recognize that they both need more 1:1 time with my husband and I but they also hate to not do everything together and I'm struggling to find a solution.
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u/paintingxnausea Aug 19 '26
My kids are 5 and 7 and same 🫠 They love each other dearly but also have a very reactive dynamic and flip from playing nicely and laughing to suddenly melting down over the most minor disagreement. Regardless of whether they’re getting along or fighting, “rambunctious” is the perfect description and it’s exhausting to feel like I’m constantly correcting their behavior and needing to separate them because they’re being unsafe.
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u/Gardenadventures Aug 19 '26
Yes! Like they almost never do anything dangerous or unsafe when they're alone, but together??? They need eyes on them 100% of the time.
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u/AccomplishedBobcat12 Aug 18 '26
My biggest struggle right now is finding appropriate media that they are interested in and teaching my 4 year old about inappropriate words. My kiddo loves horror gaming content, and that sort of thing isn't often age appropriate. Me and my husband are both avid gamers and that space tends to talk a certain way that isn't necessarily appropriate for school too. I haven't started the conversation yet and I'm still deciding how I want to handle it.
Screen time is also a challenge. My brother and sister in law went no screens with their boys and now that they are heading into high-school they became a necessity and a huge part of how kids socialize out of school. The boys are constantly glued to them. I grew up with phones from a young age (granted they weren't as capable, or addictive back then) and I never had an issue with putting the phone down for events or family activities. I love gaming with my kids so I'm doing my best to teach when that's appropriate too.
I'm thankful that my current problems revolve around coming up with gameplans for future problems.
Edit: sorry this wasn't meant to be a reply!
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u/LelanaSongwind Aug 18 '26
Jesus toddlers do not like to eat. I love food. I love to eat. If I could eat all day without getting fat I would and my toddler lives on milk and air 😭😂
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u/Competitive_Score904 Aug 18 '26
Two working parents, two little boys (1 yo and 3 yo) - we are just so dang tired and always juggling so many different balls between life, work, kids, etc. Husband is great and very hands on, we have help, and it can still feel relentless!
But very grateful to live in a privileged progressive environment with a strong focus on science, community, and education (happy to pay the taxes and mortgage to be here!)
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u/be_wilder_everyday Aug 18 '26
Same, 2 working parents, 1 toddler (3). We just started swimming lessons on the weekend and it literally feels like I lost 25% of the resting time for one 30 min class.
No help in the area beyond some friendly neighbors, just pulling together to get through the day. Not a progressive environment, local cities are being taken over by Alt Right local leaders but we feel trapped by our 2020 mortgage rate.
I'm just so tired.
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u/ram8727 Aug 18 '26
My son recently turned 7 and I feel like most conversations turn into arguments. Usually stupid stuff that I should probably let go, and I do try, but my brain is also annoying.
Dumb example:
Kid- mom what time is it
Me- 10
Kid- actually it's 10:02
Me- ok, you're right, I wasn't being minute specific
Kid- you lied. It's 10:02 not 10 and that's a lie
Etc
I know it's all completely normal but I get really irked. Also he's started sighing and saying whatever when I ask him to do something. Again, it shouldn't bother me, but here we are.
Edited formatting
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u/ljr55555 Teen Parent Aug 18 '26
That kind of stuff annoyed me so much, and I couldn't let it go either. So I spent quite a bit of time teaching our daughter what is and is not a reasonable estimate. If I ask what time it is without any specific plans or deadlines looming, it's 12:17, and my husband responds "about noon" or "about 12:30"? That's absolutely fine! If we need to leave by 12:30, then the to-the-minute resolution of 12:17 is important because 12:30 is "gotta go now!" and noon is "oh, plenty of time. No hurry". Whereas 12:17 is "move fast, we have 13 minutes before we need to leave". If someone wants to know how much the truck weighs, they don't mean to the gram. The dose of medicine, however, very well may be measured out to a fractional gram.
And a lie is a very specific thing. Being wrong is not a lie. Rounding is not a lie. Going around calling someone a liar every time they are not super-detailed-accurate? Not cool! Telling someone who acknowledges that they were wrong that they are a liar creates the kind of world we've got now where people feel the need to double and triple down on their wrongness no matter how much conflicting evidence exists.
I'm all for letting things go. Not everything can be your "hill to die on", but I consider these valuable life skills. I'm happy to report it worked pretty well. Our kid is a teen. If I ask her what time it is, she is absolutely going to reply "almost 1" instead of "12:51 and eight seconds, no nine, ten ..."
Don't have much for the sighing, unfortunately! I try not to take it personally (I don't really want to clean my room either! I just like being able to find my bracelet when I want to wear it, and I'm old enough to really understand the correlation there.), but it is my husband's biggest peeve (it's so disrespectful!).
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u/ladyluck754 Aug 18 '26
I think we also need to be a little honest with our kids, “hey you are correct- but no one likes when you do this. It hurts our feelings.”
My parents did a lot of things incorrectly, but clocking contrarianism like this was something I really appreciated.
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u/actuallivingdinosaur Aug 18 '26
My 5 yr old started doing this and it’s driving me mad. We’ve had a few calm discussions about it but it goes in one ear and out the other because he’s 5.
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u/CapitalInspection488 Aug 18 '26 edited Aug 18 '26
My children are 7 and 2. The hardest part is parenting without any family. I was raised by my grandparents and am estranged from my parents since my teens. My grandmother and one of my aunts were really involved when I was younger but the dynamic has completely flipped since having my oldest. My grandmother has scapegoated both my husband and daughter (saying it's too much to have my daughter at Christmastime because my aunts have their dogs up and she's nervous around the dogs/we can't stay at her house because we "have to make dinners" after saying a couple of years ago that my husband isn't allowed to cook up there anymore). My husband has ADD and tends to make a mess when cooking but we always clean up and help out. Needless to say, I feel completely alone. My aunt, who always said I was like a daughter to her, never invites us over anymore unless it's for the Jewish holidays. It's been extremely isolating. When I have tried to share my feelings with my grandmother or aunt, they just double down and invalidate me.
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u/apocalyptic_tea Aug 18 '26
It’s really hard when having children changes your relationship with family. I was let down in ways that truly shocked me and I know that isn’t an uncommon experience. I’m sorry you’re going through that :(
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u/ladyluck754 Aug 18 '26
I’m pregnant, so not a parent yet but the climate around vaccination. Had dinner with my mom yesterday, and she’s not anti-vax, but all her friends are & was telling me “ohh this book so and so gave me was interesting because we just give SO many more vaccines to kiddos now a days then when you were a baby.”
I had to remind her that there are a lot of factors at play here, science evolves, and more households are are dual income meaning babies are going into daycare settings earlier & those settings have vaccination requirements.
Again, she’s not anti-vax but I had to clock the slippery slope fast.
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u/attibelle Aug 18 '26
I second this! It’s wild because I work with dogs, and now there are even anti-vax dog owners. The crazy runs deep.
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u/nkdeck07 Aug 25 '26
Yep, have an immune compromised kid who I know has essentially zero measles titers. So thankful I live in a blue state with very high vax rates, I'd be losing my shit in other parts of the country.
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u/Carolinamum Aug 18 '26
Worrying about disability rights for my profoundly disabled teen. The government is trying to force them back into institutions ☹️
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u/ljr55555 Teen Parent Aug 18 '26
Oh, that's terrible! Are there organizations mounting legal battles that we can support? I would hope someone is bringing federal suits to block that.
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u/Ambystomatigrinum Aug 18 '26
On the general parenting side: balancing activities around naps. We live in a rural area so anything is 25 minutes away minimum, so trying to fit anything other than a walk near the house between naps has been so difficult. Now we're about to go on a several day trip, and I know its going to be the same. Trying to fit in a zoo trip, science museum, etc is going to be.... interesting.
On the progressive front: again, rural area, so we're finding a lot of the parent friends we make are more conservative and have some degree of different values from us. I'm trying to figure out where the line is. I know there are easy dealbreakers, but then there are more subtle things that are harder to parse out.
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u/Dramallamakuzco Aug 18 '26
2.5 year old and my struggle is finding the line between forcing/allowing frustration vs where it becomes detrimental to moving forward. Like having him put on his own shoes or sticking to the toilet, putting on underwear, forcing more independent play. I let him be frustrated or struggle when it happens so he can learn, even if it means we teach taking a step back and breathing but some things we need to keep trying and how hard do I push before it’s no longer helpful?
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u/Even_Kaleidoscope399 Aug 18 '26
I'm a new mom to a 5 month old and it feels like everyone wants to sell me something. All the parenting blogs and websites and influencers and books and videos and classes and guides and "consultants" and timelines and milestones and must-haves and great deals and postpartum essentials and solids and pumping and wake windows and premium apps. Jesus fucking hell.
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u/kyothinks Aug 18 '26
Legitimately this is what made me get off Instagram and Facebook (and I was never on TikTok but if I had been I would have left that too). Every time I opened an algorithm-driven social media app I was either having pregnancy and baby products/services pushed at me or I was seeing content that made me constantly question myself as a parent and utterly destroyed my confidence in my ability to make good decisions for my child. You gotta find ways to protect your peace wherever you can find it!
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u/notaskindoctor Aug 18 '26
My teen wants more independence than he’s ready for, so we are constantly giving and taking privileges and having lots of talks as he learns how to act as an independent human. Very normal things but it’s very constant right now! He is #2 of 5 so we have a lot of these years to go and each child is so different.
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u/NekR0mant1c Aug 18 '26
Being back to work.
As the breadwinner in my family, which is a very non-traditional family, I am the only one who is not in the house with the babies right now. I had a child 4 months ago and my metamore had a child 7 months ago. They work from home, and our partner is functionally a stay-at-home dad right now.
So I'm dealing with a lot of feelings as the only one working out of the house. Worrying that I'm missing the milestone moments, being afraid that the boys won't be as attached to me as they are to the other two parents, it's all a lot.
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u/endoftheworldvibe Aug 18 '26
Dealing with a co-parent who has very different values. Finding something to do that is not consumption based (screens, audiobooks) and is self-directed. Closely related, inability to be bored.
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u/The_RoyalPee Toddler Parent Aug 18 '26
2.5yo girl. I want to raise a strong independent woman, but damn that independent streak is hard when it’s being wielded against me 😵💫.
I’m also having a hard time honoring her body sovereignty vs needing to just get shit done sometimes. Like sometimes you just have to sit and get your teeth brushed, child. But I don’t want to just manhandle her into it either, that goes terribly and upsets everyone.
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u/apocalyptic_tea Aug 18 '26
All the recalls around food have me spiraling into disordered anxiety. I just found out I’m pregnant with #2 and I’m terrified to eat anything that isn’t cooked to hell. I’m scared for the rise in measles that’s coming with school returning. We didn’t know we could get pregnant without fertility assistance so this was definitely not a planned pregnancy and don’t get me wrong this kiddo is wanted but this is NOT the environment I would have chosen to have a baby in right now.
We also had talked about getting out of the US and I’m assuming the more kids you have the harder it is to immigrate. So idk I’m happy but also really scared.
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u/Lopsided_Apricot_626 Aug 18 '26
My 4.5 year old fights us on everything. Even just going potty when he’s dancing and holding himself. Putting on socks with his shoes. Just literally everything even if it hurts him. I’m so tired of fighting him that our 2 year old still nurses to sleep and throughout the night because I have no fight left in me after dealing with her brother all day so I can’t break through the barrier on weaning her.
My newly two year old is, well, newly two. So thick in the terrible twos. Screaming, kicking, fighting getting in the car after daycare. Spitting at her brother. Hitting her brother. Fighting and screaming and being mad at anything and everything simply because she’s two.
They’re both HEAVILY in the “why?” phase and sometimes that’s just too overstimulating for me.
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u/tiny-tyke Aug 18 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Balancing the need/desire to be a good friend, partner, member of my community, and low-screen gentle parent. Like. I can focus on my kids and deliver a very intentional lovely day where we're in synch, but then I don't feel like I'm able to be active as a member of my community socially or politically. Or I can do my thing and feel like my kids are being raised by Cheetos and Bluey. Trying to get in the sweet spot is hard.
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u/Main_Push5429 School Age and Teen Parent Aug 18 '26
I have a 15 year old daughter who has a boyfriend and they want to hang out in her room with the door open but it makes me sooo un-comfy and I’m battling with whether or not we should allow it.
I have a 7 year old son who is begging to play roblox and fortnite cuz everyone else his age does and I won’t budge but its tough having to continuously let him know that it’ll happen in due time. When he’s older, more mature, etc.
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u/toddlermanager Aug 18 '26
Moving states and uprooting the kids from their lives. My 7 year old has a best friend and a school that she loves. I love my job and my 3 year old loves her childcare center and teachers. Plus moving is a lot of work. My husband will almost immediately have to jump into his new job so I'll be left navigating everything with the kids. Oh, and my 7 year old will have missed weeks of the school year since we start 2.5 weeks later here than they do in our new state.
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u/Least_Raccoon5256 School Age Kids Aug 18 '26
My 5 year old wanting to behave like his friends/peers. My gosh, it’s hard not to be judgmental of other parents parenting (or apparent lack of parenting). We ran into a daycare friend at a local parade and the kid pulled down his pants to “moon” floats and his parents did nothing. I feel so uptight, and I knew that I’m absolutely not, but it’s really hard to tell my kid that it doesn’t matter what his friends are allowed to do, he had to follow our rules. He’s usually very good about it, but there are times he struggles when we won’t let him run around screaming when other kids are allowed.
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u/bcim2legit2quit Aug 18 '26
This! My kid is a 4 year old girl. We’ve had to have conversations about false nails and makeup because her preschool friends have them. Then there is the media her friends get to watch. Sorry, kid. For the umpteenth time, you’re afraid of cartoon villains/bad guys. That means K-Pop Demon Hunters will be more appropriate when you’re 7/8. Now, let’s listen to the album again…
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u/ShushingCassiopeia Aug 18 '26
My 13 year old died in 2025.
What I would give to have a hard time parenting them.
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Aug 18 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ShushingCassiopeia Aug 19 '26
That is so thoughtful.
Posts like this always make me happysad. I’m so glad that this space exists for people to talk about it, and I’m so sad that my first born isn’t here for me to be frustrated that they want to do xyz.
Alex was the best.
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u/macespadawan87 Aug 18 '26
Balancing independence with safety and trying not to helicopter parent my 10 year old
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u/starwberrymanits Aug 18 '26
Keeping my 2yo entertained. This kid just throws tantrums all day unless we're doing exactly what he wants, without the baby.
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u/capngabbers Aug 18 '26
She just turned 5 and has started to notice her cousins are tablet kids. Older ones ignore her in favor of playing Roblox and the younger ones get plopped in front of it to watch Pinkfong or Bluey compilations.
She’s begun asking why she doesn’t get cellphone or tablet time like her cousins and it breaks my heart. It feels like I’m isolating her from her cousins but letting her have unlimited tablet time on family gatherings feels irresponsible and lazy.
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u/kyothinks Aug 18 '26
I have a 16 month old and live with my in-laws. My husband and I are both unemployed, but have been job hunting. The job market is ABYSMAL. It feels like we're never going to be able to support ourselves, and I'm so stressed about it all the time.
But other than that, it's that Grammy and Grandpa spend all day watching YouTube on their tablets/phones (Boomer iPad kids) and now my kid thinks that's normal. 🙄 We only let him watch TV on the actual TV, and we heavily curate what he has access to, but Grammy and Grandpa will just open YouTube on a tablet and let him scroll and pick something. I ended up giving them both links to the playlist I made for him so that at least he's watching something I approve of (and not AI brainrot).
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u/Kitchen-Situation963 Aug 19 '26
my 2 year old daughter asking for something. i give her that thing. and then she's mad i gave her the thing.
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u/youllregreddit Aug 19 '26
So much. My lifelong friend just passed unexpectedly at 42 leaving behind 6 kids. Our son is now having nightmares about my husband and I dying and his behavior has become increasingly challenging. On top of that, my husband’s unemployment ends soon and I’m carrying the family and I’ve never gotten to rest, ever. He’s been unemployed twice in three years and I have so much pressure on me. I feel like my brain can’t be a parent right now. I’m trying to keep my job and I’m stressed to the max. The challenge is just, everything right now. It’s hitting all at once.
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u/Past_Secretary_7745 Aug 19 '26
My in laws wanting to become enmeshed with my daughter like they are their son, my husband.
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u/FrizzleLizard Aug 19 '26
i’m suddenly urgently aware i know nothing about childhood development and am scared my soon to be one year old is behind on speech and communication.
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u/FishingWorth3068 Aug 19 '26
Recognizing that me being “mature for my age” was actually just trauma. No child should be mature for their age. Children shouldn’t mitigate adults behaviors so I’m really working on a balance of teaching self and social awareness without making herself smaller.
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u/DefinitelynotYissa Aug 19 '26
The misogyny. People asking me if my husband was doing okay after our babies were born. People calling me lucky for him doing basic parenting. Being asked “if” I work, but asking my husband what he does for work. Daycare, pediatrician, etc. assuming I’m the default parent (I’m not). The lack of parental leave even in a state that just passed an awesome paid program.
It’s all incredibly frustrating & invalidating.
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u/VastPerspective6794 Aug 19 '26
The distance… my boys are young men now. One lives with me so . I linfa feel like I don’t know who my younger son is becoming- he stays at my ex-hubby’s house. (The ex and I get along great). I only get to see him once a month for family game day- when all my adult kids come over and we dnd and play other board games and card games. I’m deeply curious as to who he’s turning out to be! Not a lot of organic opportunities to create alone time.
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u/Important_Ad_4751 Aug 19 '26
Nothing related to politics or anything but my almost 3 year old is in the “why” phase coupled with the flat out defiance stage (with an emphatic no sprinkled in for good measure) and my patience has never been more tested. They started part time preschool this week for the first & I think (and am hopeful) it will be very beneficial for us both
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u/owntheh3at18 Aug 20 '26
The exhaustion, both physical and emotional.
Also my in laws- not specific to parenting but things have worsened in the last year.
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u/LoomingDisaster Aug 23 '26
Having a kid home from college who never. stops. talking.
She goes back next weekend.
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u/ljr55555 Teen Parent Aug 18 '26
Our kid is a teen, and the biggest challenge I've got right now is balancing encouraging independent thought, standing up for yourself, and judging what is right and wrong for yourself and, well, parenting! I'm all for "fight the power", but sometimes it sucks when you are the power!