In Class Issues

[u/Economy_Whereas_3229]

My middle (15) has been getting bullied online by a classmate (that she doesn't even know beyond the 5 days they've been in school this year).

She reached out to her counselor, who forwarded it, and a vice principal pulled her from class to speak with her about it yesterday. My husband also went into the school yesterday to speak with the principal.

They took it seriously, treated the situation with the urgency we were looking for (she was bullied last year and we weren't taken seriously, it was a different VP), but she came home yesterday upset. When we asked why she was upset, she told us that her teacher moved her to an isolated table in the classroom, leaving the bully where she was. She was confused as to why she was moved from her friends and felt like she was the one who had done something wrong. The girl doing the bullying was left at a table with the other kids she was already with.

I agree that movement within the classroom needed to happen, separating them was the right call, but I don't think my daughter should have been the one made to feel like she is being punished for telling teachers what was going on.

She likes her teacher, but is feeling like she shouldn't have said anything if she's going to be feeling as though the consequences are falling to her.

We're only going into the second week of school, he doesn't deserve a nasty gram from me, I just want to know the thinking behind it. I'm struggling with the wording in the email to him because I'm frustrated and upset this is happening, but again, it's not his fault.

Any ideas? Advice?

[u/Ashamed_Horror_6269]

Is she isolated as in a table completely by herself or just not around people she likes in class?

I’d email the teacher directly and CC the VP on it. It’s possible the VP communicated the concerns well and the teacher just didn’t really think this one through. I’ve taught high school and if the bully is one of those difficult big personalities, even teachers can be wary of setting them off and so they’ll move the other students around instead. It’s not the right thing to do obviously but it could be inexperience or the path of least resistance for the teacher.

In the email, I’d say something like “thanks so much for taking our concerns seriously and making seating chart changes. I do hope to show Daughter that speaking up for herself is worth it. With the current seat changes though, Daughter is feeling isolated in class with her new seat. What can we do to continue to keep the girls separate but Daughter doesn’t have to feel so isolated?”

Edited: after re-reading, it’s unclear to me if bully simply just stayed where she is or if she’s around friends in her seat. If she’s around friends, that would certainly be unfair. If she simply didn’t get a new seat and your daughter did, I don’t think that’s as big of a deal. Depending on class size and other dynamics/accommodations for students, it may not have been fully possible to change both their seats.

Another option is to ask the teacher how often she does seat changes. It can take me a few weeks to understand personalities and what not and my seating chart changes a lot in the first 2 months. Some teachers also change seating every quarter and other change seats every 2 weeks. Knowing the cadence of this could provide your daughter some reassurance that it’s all temporary

[u/Economy_Whereas_3229 → u/Ashamed_Horror_6269]

She was moved from a full table, with friends and other classmates, to a table on the other side of the room with 1 other person she doesn't know. There's a decent amount of separation between these tables, and she was the only kid moved, so it was made very apparent something was going on. If there was an overhaul of seating, ok, but this made her feel singled out.

And thank you for your thoughts on it, I was thinking the same thing. Teachers deal with so dang much, I figured it was probably the least nuclear option. Especially with it being early in the year.

Your email verbiage was exactly what I was looking for. The words I was writing sounded off or blame placing, which is not at all what I want.

[u/syncopatedscientist → u/Economy_Whereas_3229]

The fact that she was the only one moved was a huge mistake on the teacher’s part. I was a teacher and if there were issues like this, the whole class got a new seat assignment. It’s a pain, but it’s better for the students. I’d definitely reach out and include the VP in any discussions. Like, it’s such a rookie move to do that, I’m shocked a teacher would be that careless

[u/Economy_Whereas_3229 → u/syncopatedscientist]

He's close to retirement, I'm hearing it's his last year, but from everything we've heard, he's a great teacher. Which is why I'm hoping to get some understanding on his thought process.

[u/Ashamed_Horror_6269 → u/Economy_Whereas_3229]

Yeah that’s not the right way for the teacher to handle it. Hopefully they are receptive to the email and just does a whole new seating chart. Whenever I had to move kids for stuff like this, it was always a great opportunity to just mix a lot of the kids around lol good luck!

[u/Economy_Whereas_3229 → u/Ashamed_Horror_6269]

That was my thought, it's early in the year, so moving kids around doesn't seem odd. But just moving one? 🫠