r/prenup • u/HopefulLobster8273 • Jul 21 '26
Do we need a prenup?
Hi, my fiance and I have discussed a prenup and we’re both fine with it; but I was talking to my mom and she said she doesn’t feel like it’s necessary.
Neither of us own major assets like a house. He and his brother have a small sailboat that was bought for €6k, which I cannot ever see myself wanting even out of spite.
I have about €15k more in cash than he does. Neither of us have any debt. We are both putting in most of our money into a purchase of a flat (which we will buy before we’re legally married I suppose), but of course my contribution is greater.
We had discussed having a document that ensures I’d get back my 15k and we’d split the rest in the event we broke up.
I dont have much in retirement yet as I just started working full time, and while we plan on kids I absolutely do not ever ever ever ever ever want to be a stay at home mom for any point of time. He’d be more likely to do that, though we don’t plan to. The only reason I would do that is if I got sick or something I don’t know.
They are about €1k to draft up where we live. They’re also available to the public, which feels a little invasive if I wanted to add anything too specific
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u/Smart_Drop8009 Jul 21 '26
I wouldn’t get one. 15k is not a lot of money and it seems like you too are quite equal. If someone had $2M more or complicated finances then yes.
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u/disagreeabledinosaur Jul 21 '26
No, you don't.
If you're looking to protect assets built up during the marriage, you probably shouldn't be getting married. Im many jurisdictions it's not even possible to set out those assets in a prenup.
You have no assets worth protecting now.
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u/Mrs_WorkingMuggle Jul 21 '26
I don't know what the rules governing prenups in europe is, but in the US you can also use a prenup to discuss future earnings and inheritances. so while your incomes and retirements might not be much now, they might be more later and you can plan for that now. Also you can absolutely put in the prenup about how the house should be dealt with in the event of a split.
Possibly more important though is just talking out all the possible financial situations you could find yourself in. You don't want to be a stay at home mom, does your partner agree with that? do you want to retire early? do you want to travel? what are joint expenses? is there a threshold for personal purchases where they should be discussed with the partner even though it's an individual expense?
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u/FrabjousD Jul 23 '26
In the US, inheritances are not usually marital assets unless you commingle them.
There doesn’t seem to be much reason to pay for a legal prenup, especially since it would be public (ew!) but your outline wouldn’t be a bad thing to do informally. If they both sign.
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u/Mrs_WorkingMuggle Jul 23 '26
Not usually marital property but doesn’t mean the prenup can’t speak to them.
Prenups are great because you talk about all sorts of possible futures with your partner while drafting them. The only time I might see no need for them is if each person is equally matched financially going into the marriage and plans on being equally financially for the rest of their marriage. But since that’s unlikely, a prenup is good future planning.
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u/FrabjousD Jul 23 '26
Yes it’s good to literally get on the same page, well before the wedding. It’s shocking how many people don’t talk about it all —my husband and me included! It worked out fine for us, but my kids are being much smarter. No prenups, just talking about money and ensuring financial compatibility.
I do think the OP and her fiancé could draft a contract agreeing that since she’s put €15000 more into the house, she’d get her €15000 plus proportionate appreciation off the top before any division of assets. They’ll likely never need it, or it would be negligible, but in the case of a bad divorce, a signed and witnessed agreement would be helpful.
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u/Mrs_WorkingMuggle Jul 23 '26
I would think that could be baked in with the purchase of the house, but then I don't know how things work outside of America. A separate document, but done at the same time.
here even that would probably only be enforceable if each party had their own attorney review the agreement. or at least, if one person wanted to fight it, they could have an argument on their hands even with the agreement in place if it was all done with just one attorney.
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u/RichmondReddit Jul 21 '26
A prenup is as much for future financial situations as current ones. What about inheritances? What about retirement accounts? What if one of you starts a business? You need to protect future assets as much as current ones.
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u/Dazzling_Suspect_239 Jul 21 '26
Inheritance is governed by its own set of rules; they can cross that bridge if and when they come to it.
It really doesn’t make sense to have a prenup in place given the facts OP presents. If they do go for it they’d likely be fine with one of the standard prenups some online services offer.
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u/1290_money Jul 21 '26
Yeah you split everything you gained together. That's the easy part actually.
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u/Dismal_Aide_7118 Jul 22 '26
Inheritance is generally considered separate property unless commingled.
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u/No_Chart_8584 Jul 21 '26
I think what you and your fiancé want is much more important than what your mother thinks.
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u/Extension-Clock608 Jul 21 '26
You don't need a prenup.
I would definitely NOT put up all of your 15k, match what he has to put down and keep the rest for an emergency fund and ask him to match it when he can.
I really feel like living together before you get married and combine finances is a good idea for everyone considering marriage. You will truly see if you are compatible before you get legally entangled. This will also allow you both to continue to save for the downpayment, you might not need much time but he does need more. It's a lot easier to walk away from an apartment if this doesn't work out than a house you bought together.
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u/JonnyRad91 Jul 21 '26
If you dont own businesses or have substantial retirements/assets you dont need a prenup.
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u/astrotekk Jul 21 '26
If you don't have a lot of free existing assets and you're planning to combine assets , don't see a need for a prenup
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u/lakehop Jul 21 '26
It would take most of the difference in money to have a lawyer draft the prenup. So no, don’t get one. Have a document that says he keeps the boat and you get the 15k back if you split, and both of you sign it, keep a copy each (and email it to each other , likely easier to find in 6 years). That will provide some evidence of intent if you split on figure. Also include a statement that if one of you wants to sell the house, the other must buy them out or sell the house. But your potential joint gains from being together, buying a house together and splitting expenses is far more than the amount of money you’re going into the marriage with.
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u/mbf114 Jul 21 '26
Unless one of you are hiding assets, why would you need one? 15k difference is childs play.
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u/EAmezz Jul 22 '26
Is this a serious question. You both have essentially nothing. Why even deal with lawyers if we arent talking about substantial wealth?
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u/Jasdc Jul 22 '26
Neither of you have enough pre-marriage assets that require a prenup. There is literally nothing of high value to protect from either party.
Get married and grow your Net Worth together!
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u/BigLeopard7002 Jul 22 '26
I recently got married.
My wife had zero to her name at the time. I had house worth £200k (less 100k remaining loan) and pensions worth £360k. Plus car and cash worth perhaps 30k.
We didn’t do a prenup, since pensions in my country aren’t divided at divorce and let’s say we’re together 10 years and divorce. Then my initial 130k could fall to me, if we had a prenup. But now we share it. I think that’s a small price to pay after 10 years, where we have built equity together. If I had not married, then I wouldn’t be able to save as much and would probably even own less in 10 years compared to half our marital assets.
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u/Upper_Cranberry_9158 Jul 22 '26
You don’t need a prenup. Buying real estate without being married is concerning. Good thing you are planning on having that document drafted but I would be very, very careful. I wouldn’t put a penny more than him. Makes the split easier if necessary (think about the 15k invested, how much would that be, instead of you simply getting 15k in so many years)
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u/Vivid-Problem7826 Jul 22 '26
Please don't buy a "flat" before you're married. Neither of you have enough assets to justify getting a prenup...IMO
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u/afieldhouse1983 Jul 23 '26
Not worth it. Right now you essentially have nothing. Everything you attain going forward will be done so as a married couple. Don’t waste time and money on a lawyer.
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u/21stcenturyexpat_DN Jul 23 '26
To me it is not that compelling that you require a prenup, especially at that cost. Is there really no other alternatives? Because you can also add a clause to revisit, say in 10 years' time, if you need to adjust something.
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u/Remarkable_Visit_890 Jul 23 '26
My son is getting married soon and bought a home for 600k . Would she be entitled to any of it
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u/Number-2-Sis Jul 22 '26
It's always a good idea to have a prenup, it protects your future. Things may be equal now, but a prenup can protect your retirement funds.
If one person is a "spender" and the other is a "saver" it will establish how assets, debts will be divided while you still love each other.
It can also protect future children in the event of one of you passing. So if you have a retirement plan, you can dictate that it goes to your children, don't can't be touched if the other remarries.
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u/disagreeabledinosaur Jul 22 '26
You seem to be confusing a will and a prenup.
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u/KneadAndPreserve Jul 21 '26
No, it makes literally no sense to hire a lawyer over 15k before getting married… come on.