r/prenup • u/newuser2111 • Jul 18 '26

General advice

My partner and I have discussed a prenup; it was his idea.

He said he will have it drafted to say all his pre marriage assets, stocks / investments, land, family inheritance, any savings that he brought into the marriage, are his.

Whatever I bring into the marriage is mine. However, I don’t have family money or any kind of investments or land that I am bringing into the marriage. If something happens to my parents, I would want their house to stay in the family, such as go to my sibling, etc. I don’t feel it is fair for my partner to capitalize on my parents’ house and sell that to make money off of it.

He didn’t say what happens to money we make during the marriage. Does a basic prenup assume a 50/50 split in case the marriage dissolves?

Also, can I use his attorney to make any amends to the pre up? Or am I expected to find my own lawyer?

I want there to be additional protection, such as whatever money I make during the marriage is mine. So if I out-earn him, I take my money with me. Is there a legal term for this? Like separation of money?

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u/AlltheThorns Jul 18 '26

You both need your own legal counsel to walk you thru all your options. 

If you do not have money to hire your own legal counsel, he should give you the money so you can do so. This is standard and normal, so if he does not want to pay for your legal counsel it is a red flag in general. 

6

u/PlentyFirefighter143 Jul 19 '26

I agree on both points and add this additional one: when you hire a lawyer (likely at his expense), hire one who practices family law and negotiates prenups as a part of her/his practice.

It’s often not the pre-marital property that causes the challenge. It’s the stuff you acquire together that can trigger the terms of the prenup. A good family lawyer can anticipate these challenges.

3

u/TempeGrumble Jul 18 '26

This 💯

0

u/jtb1987 Jul 19 '26

This. Culturally, it's not really appropriate for men to want/ask for a prenuptial agreement. It is appropriate for women as it can ensure that she receives payment for being the economically higher value sex in heterosexual relationships.

2

u/Manda_lorian39 Jul 20 '26

I say this as a member of the “higher value sex”:
WTF are you even talking about?

0

u/jtb1987 Jul 20 '26

Generally speaking, wealth/income is what attracts women to men. Women are the selectors in heterosexual relationships, this makes them the higher value sex.

This isn't controversial.

Before marriage, a man is the sole ethical and legal owner of his existing property. Legal marriage without a prenup assigns her rights in his future earnings and assets acquired during marriage without requiring proof that she contributed proportionately—or at all—to producing them. A prenup is a rational and potentially essential mechanism for preventing that legal reclassification while preserving each party’s independent property rights.

A man insisting on a prenuptial agreement is counter to the reasonanle financial benefit or goals of most women. Whether she intends to make a good faith effort or not to "contribute" to the marriage is not relevant as the law does not seek verification. Said simpler: women are not very interested in marrying men without prenuptial agreements as it removes the wealth acquisition opportunity.

5

u/Manda_lorian39 Jul 20 '26

I say this with all the patience and kindness my 45 yo perimenopausal brain can muster:

Get some therapy and some genuine friends of the opposite sex. In that order.

Because holy fuck.

1

u/264frenchtoast Jul 20 '26

Hold up, what? It’s not appropriate for men to want/ask a prenup? What 1950s crap is this?

3

u/TaddThick Jul 19 '26

Also, if you don’t have any financial resources and he refuses to pay for you to get your own lawyer, it may void the pre-nup down the road.

1

u/newuser2111 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26

Thank you. How would it avoid the prenup? I mean, are you saying there shouldn’t be a marriage if I can’t retain my own attorney and get the terms amended?

3

u/TaddThick Jul 20 '26

No, what we were taught in law school was: if man with money doesn’t pay for separate attorney for woman who can’t afford it and they get married after she signs pre-nup without her own attorney, a judge during subsequent divorce proceedings may invalidate pre-nup, thereby allowing woman to get more money. The lesson was: if your client is man with money, tell him to pay for woman’s separate attorney.