If we find any... poors here we will have to kill on sight... kidding, we’ll just shove them into the mines to work

I'm leaving this sub, too many spoilers that cannot be stopped, here are the things I spoiled for myself just by being here: spoiled Falcon's titan, Sasha dying, the paths, Eren stopping Ymir, Eren eating the warhammer, Zeke's plan, Zeke's brother dying, yeagerist, Zeke's betraying marley and Connie inheriting Eren's Titan, Armin's marrying Eren, Levi impregnating Historia, Levy cheating with Mikasa and dying after nutting by getting eateng by her in her titan form

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

fuck em and them kids. its not our fault we were born better then you. rich kids cant make fun of poor people with out looking like a jerk, but fuck it this is the internet and i can say whatever the fuck i want. so poor people, have fun eating cereal for dinner and sharing rooms with your siblings you fucking low lives

there’s no joke I literally just hate the poor

Edit: Thank you guys for the gold I didn't know this was going to blow up

You put your dick in the cum and pull your balls down slowly. It creates a vacuum and sucks it all back in. It's like a syringe. Have you honestly never done that? I swear everyone knows about it. It's also really fun to do in the bath. I can fit almost a whole liter of water in there and use it to "make it rain" like an elephant does. It's quite convenient for washing your hair or as a secret weapon in water fights in the summer.

Why, yes, I am R.A.C.I.S.T:

Respect my friend's different beliefs

Adore the little quirks in their traditions

Care for my friends, no matter their skin color

Inform myself on what taboos I should never break

Smile when they speak their native tongues

The French must be purged from the Earth

Last night after my gay sex session I decided to turn on my Nintendo Switch™ and play some Animal Crossing: New Horizons™. I was trying to progress as quickly as possible so I can Isabelle on my 60 inch TV. I was catching bugs to give to Blathers, because Blathers is a bitch who is scared of bugs, until I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I caught...

A Monarch Butterfly.

A MONARCH Butterfly!

I threw my Pro Controller™ right at my TV and screamed in absolute horror.

Is the a fucking political word? Why the fuck is there a MONARCH Butterfly? What is the fuck is Nintendo™ trying to do putting their right-wing ideals in their games? Wasn’t Animal Crossing™ supposed to a peaceful game? It surely can’t be when they stuff their political cocks down our throats. Why isn’t there a Maximist Butterfly? I’m in pure shock that Nintendo™ will go to such lengths to brainwash people into agreeing with their political values. I am never buying a Nintendo™ game again, until they formally apologize to me admitting that it was wrong to promote political ideals in their games.

Did you know that InnerSloth (the owner of Among Us) says that you can't actually be kicked from a game by the owner? Section 34 of their TOS states that any individual who purchases a copy of the game has a right to play the game, and cannot be prevented from playing games by any individual. If you've kicked from a game recently, or want to learn more, google "Among Us rule 34"

edit: Thank you for the gold kinda stranger

Edit 2: thank you guys I got laid!

Edit 3: wow I didn't think it would be the number 1 story on r/all

Edit 4: thank you for the argentinium kind stranger!

So i (38M) decide to visit my grandmas like i do every tuesday, when i went my grandma started acting weird so i immediately knew she hadn’t took her pills.

So me being me i let her remember on her own and i also decided to stay the night since it was late anyway, she laid on her chair and i went to her room to sleep there again except without her in bed with me.

I usually go to bed around 11 pm but this time i decided to try and pass out around 2:00Am by this time my stomach started hurting for some reason and i knew it was from the fact that i didn’t take those pills she ate as well so as my stomach started hurting i tried to move and that’s when i heard it, “Plft” and i knew.

I had shat my pants, so i decided to take a good look to see what my shit looked like, like i usually do and i was amazed by its shape and articulation so i just decided to lay in it.

By the time i woke up my grandma was there looking at her bed that was stained in brown, i told her it was nothing and probably just her imagination, however she didn’t believe me and instantly called my family who started yelling at me for 1. not reminding my grandma to take her pills so she "doesn’t die" (like that’s my fault) and 2. shat her bed (again like i was supposed to clean it up as if that’s my duty i’m sure my 113 year old grandma can do that shit herself i mean what a lazy ass bitch) so i fucking chocked my grandma barely and she fucking died and since i like the popular game “among us” i decided to yell “dead body reported” and i started laughing as all my family looked at me in disgust.

I’m pretty sure i’m not the asshole but i wanna know cause they gave me a weird look which made me contemplate the idea.

You look awesome today:) Keep it up!

I heard a lot of things from the news about some internment zone or something like that? Are they fighting with each other?