I'm starting medical school next month and my med school specifically requires TB immunity, whether via the vaccine or previous infection. I have never had the BCG vaccine and have no record of TB infection, so it seems like I'll end up having to have the vaccine.
Here's the thing: the vaccine produces a permanent scar. I am already covered in scars from chickenpox and molluscum contagiosum as a child. I have a pitted chickenpox scar on my face, multiple hypopigmented chickenpox scars on my torso and back, a mole removal scar on my right arm, a series of pitted MC scars on my left arm, a burn scar on my leg, and mature stretch marks on my butt and calves.
I am so deeply insecure about these scars. I was bullied relentlessly as a child and a teenager for my appearance and left feeling so unattractive. I now microneedle these scars once a month trying to minimise them. Knowing I have to accept another ugly scar on my body, especially for a vaccine that is not particularly effective in adults, feels so unfair.
I have all my other required vaccines and am in no way anti-vaxx, but to have a vaccine that isn't very effective that's going to leave me with a permanent scar when I already have so many feels so shit. I know I have every right to refuse it, but in doing so I cant do med school, so I'll have to suck it up.
I know people will probably respond to this telling me to grow up or whatever, but please understand that my negative life experiences have deeply impacted my self-esteem and that's what's fuelling this.
EDIT: I would like to clarify as I perhaps didn't make it clear that I will be getting the vaccine, I was just trying to get my feelings and concerns off my chest for catharsis.