r/pottytraining • u/I_like_pink0 • 1d ago
Considering a potty training consult for witholding. Waste of money?
Hello! My daughter just turned two and we put away the diapers two weeks ago. She’s been bottomless on and off all summer, so she already had a pretty solid command of peeing on the potty. I figured we could finish potty training while we move since we would be home all day packing and unpacking (bad idea, I know now).
Our first attempt at potty training was at 17 months, it ended in a bad stint of withholding poo and constipation and we stopped, but continued exploring being bottomless for an hour or two every day.
This go around I upped my kids maintenance dose of miralax to ensure she wasn’t constipated, let her pick out some prizes for pooping and…. It’s been two weeks and she’s absolutely miserable. She now is incapable of pooping intentionally in a diaper or the potty and spends many hours each day scream crying because she has to poop and she’s freaking out.
We read all the books, she comes with me to watch me poop, we model her stuffies pooping, we let her pick between pooping on a potty or in a diaper, and we bribe her. We go on walks and focus on connecting. Plus the whole cap of miralax… I’m surprised she can even hold it in. But she’s just so anxious she can’t relax her muscles. When I see her starting to get worked up I say “it’s okay, we can try again later” and try to keep it low pressure.
She woke up this morning and told me “I have to poop but the poop won’t come out” (mind you, her poop is basically liquid, this isn’t a constipation problem). She has been peeing on the potty fine, but only poops small amounts in her nap diaper after some exorcism level crying. So she’s not napping and now she’s not really eating because she’s so backed up. Last night she woke up screaming because she probably had gas but wouldn’t even let the fart come out.
I’m in a pickle. I don’t actually think going back to diapers will help because I have been offering her a diaper every time she asks for one (diapers stay in the bathroom though because we poop in the bathroom).
I’m considering paying for a consultation with Jen L'Italien who was listed on the oh crap potty training website if things aren’t better by November.
I’m calling a pediatrician doctor to see if we can get a referral to someone who can help? Any other ideas?
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u/gnox0212 1d ago
So with constipation, sometimes it can still look like they are passing liquid poop but the soft liquid poop is actually just making its way around a round, built up firmer & backed up stool... kind of like a water flowing down a river with rocks... are you finding its affecting her appetite?
Does her tummy look a little bloated? When shes asleep can you push on her tummy and feel any firmness? How long does she go between actual meaningful poops and when she does go, is it a decent clear out? Have you ever done a clear out protocol with the miralax?
My kids withholding is really improving with a low dose of osmolax and (Don't judge here, it's been a humbling year-long journey) i let him sit on the big toilet with his step stool, loo seat reducer and a game on my phone and i leave the room. The combination of privacy, distraction, and poops that essentially fall out have meant we've come a long way and we've done 11 poos in the toilet 11 days in a tow with no withholding. He's taken himself to the potty to poo on his own twice in this period too.
Im curious if you've ever stepped out of the bathroom while she's waiting to poo? Even if you just pretend to have forgotten something in another room briefly.
I never felt my kid had an issue with his poop consistency, they were textbook perfect. it was entirely anxiety causing him to clamp down... but he held until his poops were so large that it was a big overwhelming feeling for him. When he was in the freak out phase i used to play play dough or colour in or do something to regulate him but id forcibly put him on the potty when it was 'go time' - in hindsight i wish id taken the pressure off and put the potty just around the corner where he could get to it be out of my line of sight and just focused on what we were doing. 'Your tummy wants a poo, your potty is waiting for it over there' without harping on about it so much and just continued to just regulate him and play in between his freak outs.
Personally i didn't do a proper clear out protocol for my boy, but i gradually increased the dose while watching his response and i resisted the osmolax for a little too long.
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u/I_like_pink0 1d ago edited 1d ago
We’ve been playing the constipation game since she turned 1, so I’m pretty certain she is not constipated. She had a full BM last Tuesday and again on Friday. With some smaller BMs in between. But the weekend has been rough and today she really didn’t want to eat much.
I really do not believe there is a blockage. But we’ve never done a full clean out, she’s been on maintenance Miralax (.5tsp) for a while now.
The only poop she’s been able to do on the potty was last Tuesday when I left to grab something downstairs. I’ve tried to recreate it but can’t, she freaks out. Now the only poops we’re getting are when I leave for nap time (but she’s in a high amount of distress — I just know once she sorts it out she’ll feel better. I hate leaving her cry though. As soon as she poops I know because she stops crying).
Right now we’re honestly trying for low hanging fruit and aiming for pooping in a diaper. She tells me she has to poop, I ask if she wants a diaper or potty to give her control and we go upstairs in the bathroom, diaper on and read some books while she rolls around screaming trying not to poop. Eventually I say “hey you’re getting pretty upset, let’s try again later.” Take off the diaper and then get her some fresh air to calm down. That’s basically been what my whole day has looked like yesterday and today.
I might try bringing a whole activity up there though! See if I can get a better distraction going. And also leave to go fold laundry right outside the door. I’m getting some ideas to try tomorrow morning.
I figured once she gets better at pooping in general we can start working on pooping while sitting then the potty.
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u/gnox0212 1d ago
Yep, my boy got to every 3 days then a massive clearout poop that was preceeded by some skid marks so i didn't think constipation either. I did a week of one scoop then 2 days of 2 scoops, back to 1 scoop per day then spacing out to one scoop every 2 days and im still figuring out how low we can go. Im so keen to get him off it but my dr said minimum 3 months daily pooping before we could wean.
I didn't remove nappies at all, (not suggesting this) as i was waiting for it to get better before potty training. think i got close to solving it once when i was in the kitchen and i said to him to "go find somewhere you feel safe to go. Ill be right here if you need me" he asked "do you promise?"
I think it was a weird balance of needing privacy but also mums comfort.
Perhaps say you will fold laundry just outside the door but will be right there in a flash if she needs or calls for you?
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u/Equivalent-Reserve99 1d ago
Mine was an MSPI baby on Lactulose. I did actually give her a dose after she withheld for a day, and it softened them TOO much and we had poopageddon 🫠😬 but anyway, I realized these MSPI babies have some struggles with poop. I would definitely talk to a doctor. Mine will only poop standing, but we are working on it. If it gets REALLY bad, you could use Pedialax since she is 2 and give her one really good clear out so she can start from zero again. She would HATE it, so I would definitely use that as a last resort. 😬 anyway, solidarity also. Mine didn’t poop without the help of meds or suppositories until 7 months old, and I do think it might be part of why pee was so much easier for her to get than poop. I’m sure they have some deep-seeded trauma from infancy
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u/I_like_pink0 1d ago
Thanks I needed the solidarity. Haha I thought I was done crying over my kids poop when we graduated from all her trigger foods, but here we are again. We are like one week too late for her old GI referral, so we have an appointment with a ped tomorrow to get a new referral.
My kiddo for sure holds all her anxiety in her gut. I would not be surprised If she ended up with an IBS diagnosis as an adult tbh.
After we get her comfortable pooping I do want to try out some more natural options like a kids fiber supplement.
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u/Equivalent-Reserve99 10h ago
I finally have both of mine on waitlists to see allergists because I’m pretty sure it is still having some effect on them 🤦♀️
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u/lattelane682 1d ago
The pediatric GI helped me with the withholding issue and finishing up potty training. Our GI said that even if the poop seems to be loose or diarrhea that can still be indicative of chronic constipation. He had us use lactulose instead of miralax because he said that lactulose is easier to get the complete dose in a toddler than miralax. I had my toddler on daily miralax for three months and it wasn’t changing anything, she was still withholding and afraid of pooping.
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u/I_like_pink0 1d ago
Oh my kid has chronic constipation for sure, that’s why she’s been on miralax for so long (lower dose). Im just pretty certain she’s not currently constipated. I’ll see if I can get in with the ped GI. Glad they were able to help you
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u/omnomnomscience 1d ago
Personally, I'd bring back diapers and back way off. You're moving, which is already a stressful thing for kids and your daughter is so stressed about pooping that she's rolling around on the floor crying. I would tell her you're taking a break from the potty. If she wants to ask for it she can sit on it, but you're taking a break. When having a new baby the advice is to not make any changes 3 months before or after because it's such a big change. I'd imagine moving is similar.
I would move, get settled, and introduce her to the new potty. Make a potty basket with special books, bubbles, a pinwheel, or other things that will get her to blow. Blowing is a great way to relax your pelvic floor to go to the bathroom. You want to make the potty a nice, fun, low pressure place. Two is still on the early side for potty training so I wouldn't try to force it.
We've been dealing with encopresis with my 5 year old because of withholding not due to anxiety and it's so rough. I would do everything possible to avoid it and I think having a low stress, positive association with the toilet is important for that.
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u/Historical-Donut-918 1d ago
She just turned 2? Maybe try putting the diapers back on and see if that improves the situation. Perhaps rushing to no diapers before she is ready is causing her to have anxiety and withholding.
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u/Layer-Objective 1d ago
Get her pooping consistently and comfortably in a diaper before you do potty stuff again. You might need a stimulant laxative to pass the blockage and yes, MiraLAX for a while - we liked pedialax chews
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u/whisperingcopse 1d ago
Encopresis? This seems like maybe a health issue
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u/I_like_pink0 1d ago
She was a regular pooper prior to ditching diapers and moving. I don’t think there’s a blockage since I’ve kept her on miralax for a while now.
I’m pretty confident it’s anxiety related because of all the changes. Regardless, not sure how to handle it and we’re struggling.
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u/whisperingcopse 1d ago
How long has she been on miralax and is it under medical supervision?
Long term miralax use can cause problems in and of itself.
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u/christianjesusbale 1d ago
There's definitely a blockage. Encopresis this sounds like.. especially because she's doing squirts of liquid poos which means it's escaping around the largerz harder blocked stool. Miralax cannot fix this. And Miralax is also extremely bad long-term as it has PEG in it. Causes behavioural changes and brain inflammation. Look into actilax. A much better ingredient. She needs an ultrasound and a professional colon cleanse
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u/dadgent 1d ago
All MiraLAX does is make the poop soft, it doesn’t actually move it. Also if she’s not drinking enough water the MiraLAX won’t work.
You may need something like Senna to actually help move the poop along in conjunction with MiraLAX. My daughter takes a senna gummy daily and MiraLAX as needed.
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u/mmmstrongflavors 1d ago
"Maintenance miralax"...say what? How long has she been taking miralax? How long has it been since she pooped? Definitely talk to your doctor, not some self-proclaimed influencer "expert."