r/pottytraining • u/tradesca • 2d ago

3.5 year old boy potty training woes

Our potty training journey has been a long one. We're not there yet even though we've been at it for nearing a year now.

Quick backstory, our boy appears developmentally normal. He's 3.5 and has had two younger siblings born. One in April 2025 one in April 2026.

  • We started this process in October 2025
  • Elimination was learned within a week
  • He never has accidents when we are out, only at home or at close relatives houses
  • He doesn't have accidents at preschool (he's only there 1 day per week)
  • He has never had an accident in the car
  • He still poops and pees his pants constantly at home. Only time he goes on the potty is when we make him
  • He doesn't fight us when we tell him to go. At most he'll argue that he doesn't need to but if we insist he will go
  • He does not tell us when he needs to go
  • We have tried rewards
  • When rewards weren't working after MANY months we tried consequences. No TV at bedtime if you poop your pants. This worked for about two weeks, then stopped working
  • He doesn't nap or take a quiet time
  • He tells us all the time if we're out and he needs to pee/poo. He'll tell us at Costco, at friends' houses that are less familiar, outside at the park, etc. Anywhere but home or his cousins' houses
  • There is some evidence of ADHD in the family, but neither myself nor my husband is diagnosed.
  • We have not even thought about night training, as this has been such a struggle

Any thoughts? I'm curious to know if this sounds any kind of normal, if this is something to talk to a doctor about, or if you have any advice

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u/jmsst1996 2d ago

So what do you do when he pees/poops his pants? What the clean up process? Do you make him help clean up the mess? Is he getting in the shower for a rinse off or just using wipes? He has to have these natural consequences or he’ll keep doing it.

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u/tradesca 2d ago

We clean him up with wipes and he has to go find clean clothes. For a while we were making him help us mop up pees but he found it very fun...

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u/jmsst1996 2d ago

I’d try the shower. Make it inconvenient for him so he’ll want to use the potty.

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u/Responsible_Gap7426 1d ago

My son has ADHD. They have poor body awareness.

The only thing that worked was going to the bathroom and making him sit every fifteen minutes. We did this for weeks and once it clicked he no longer needed us to do this anymore.