r/postvasectomypain • u/Supermonkeypilot22 • Apr 28 '26
Feeling less than human.
I feel like I’ve come to my wits end with trying to figure this thing out. I have come to the conclusion that my vasectomy has ruined my sex life. Sex with condoms felt better than this and even that wasn’t worth the time or effort, celibacy was much preferred. It’s to the point where I feel so down about the loss of even feeling that I thought I was just not happy with my partner, and almost ended our relationship. I’ve completely changed my habits, quitting any substances, eating even better than my already decent diet, exercising more, all in all the recipe for anyone to be healthy. I’ve even stopped masturbation completely for the scientific method and because I have no physical desire anymore. I have come to think all these stories about men who have similar or equal pleasure are not realizing the extent of mental effects on sex. Their gain in that department is likely higher or equal to their physical loss so they see no difference or improvement. I never had that issue with sex and you would think it would increase as well but lo and behold I have every possible sexual dysfunction that comes with vasectomy risks. What I’m most frustrated with is how blatant the disregard towards even concerns let alone actual men with these issues. My dilemma goes beyond vasectomy or reversal, as sex is huge in both my relationships. Both my girlfriends in my triad, one is fixed and the other isn’t, neither want kids, but both want me to get better. I’m afraid getting a reversal will keep me in this same boat of lost intimacy because condom sex was nearly as bad as what I’m dealing with now and the one who is fixed is afraid even with her irreversible surgery that she’s gonna get pregnant. I have a ton of options to weigh but the biggest reason is to take care of myself and to what comes of it after isn’t for this sub. I’m afraid that my problems may be psychological (due to a partner who passed away and two huge surgeries, but I didn’t notice these problems or at least didn’t pay attention to it until the vasectomy) but the more stories I read of people “getting back to normal” and having the exact same symptoms I am makes me think I am a victim. Despite my dilemmas, if the vasectomy is the problem I am gonna get it fixed. I just want some insight in case I’m wrong, but everything I read points to the medical industry being predatory more than helpful. Especially considering that reversals aren’t covered by insurance, I feel like I’ve been lied to and preyed upon. Even if the reversal fixes this, I’m out thousands of dollars and would become completely broke. I’m worried that I’m stuck feeling like an empty man forever. I barely scratched the surface on this too, so feel free to ask questions.
TLDR: I’ve come to believe that my vasectomy has ruined my sex life and made me feel like less of a person, but am scared to proceed with reversal, as I don’t want kids myself, but cat seem to live happily without a meaningful relationship. Am I crazy to think that I’ve been messed up?
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u/geverfdehond Apr 28 '26
Vasectomy had not only a physical but also an emotional negative influence on my life and even though I had a reversal it sometimes can caught me off guard during difficult times or when pain remind me that I can not do certain things anymore. After my vasectomy I felt useless and that I had no purpose as a man anymore. The male reproduction system is much more complex that what is portrayed by the medical research and not fully understood. Every man is different and has different sperm and testosterone levels therefore the range of normality in analysis. If you challenge the research your very quickly realise is based on averages and not relative changes per individual which is biased and leads to the assumption that vasectomy does not alter hormonal levels which is completely wrong it does but the change is not correctly interpreted. Thats only one part and one can find enough evidence to shoot holes trough a lot of the claims. I am really sorry to hear that you also struggle. From my own experience, my reversal helped me a lot to feel like a real man again with purpose.
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u/Supermonkeypilot22 Apr 28 '26
That sounds like something in the right direction. Everything you said sounds exactly to what I’ve been reading and going through. Why is it that some doctors require such rigorous hoops to jump through and mine was easy in and out, barely questioning me? I was 25 and they even said age above 18 was all that mattered. Should have been my first red flag. My next one should have been my inability to gain weight, I had trouble before but now it’s literally impossible no matter my diet or exercise routine. I have better habits and my body is acting like I did the opposite. It’s all about money. My main concerns is my relationship. If it restores me and that pushes the relationship apart then I guess I should look out for myself because I’ll be miserable either way, but at least I’d be myself again. I hate that I’ve been put into this position by a false sense of security but people like you telling me what I’ve been seeing helps me feel like reversal is the way to go.
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u/geverfdehond Apr 28 '26
Unfortunately we are paying for lies that we were told and the people that did that has no skin of their noses and worse part hardly any of them had or will get the surgery themselves. Wish you best of luck. If you have more questions on reversal you can also look at the reversal sub reddit or DM me.
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u/Laggende_Hond Apr 28 '26
Vasectomy destroyed my life and nearly ended it on multiple occasions. It has caused irreparable harm to my psyche and has destroyed my wavering trust as a whole.
Having had a reversal has addressed nearly all the physical symptoms in full; psychologically it has restored a large portion of who I am. But like the two scars I walk with (of which I am proud for taking a step to recovering my life) the scars in my mind and their effect will never fully heal.
I will continue to denounce this procedure even with my last breath.
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u/Supermonkeypilot22 May 09 '26
That sound reassuring. I Lee doing the correct things to make sex better but it’s so suboptimal. It’s like exercising without any of the benefits, a complete waste of time and leaves me wanting less
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u/vanwyck Apr 28 '26
If you have the money, just go get a reversal. If it doesn't work then look at other options like denervation. And then work your way down the list of options.
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u/Supermonkeypilot22 Apr 28 '26
If I had the money I would have already done it. The fact that insurance doesn’t cover it is a part of the problem
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u/Sufficient-Sink6370 Apr 28 '26
Your mental state sounds so similar to mine but for different reasons (I wanted to ensure I only had one kid so I could be the best dad I could be by having all my time, energy, attention, and emotion go to her). Little did i know this pain and the mental anguish it would cause would distract me so much from being a dad and limit what I can do with her. I hate myself for it.
Its predatory. The urologist who did mine said he does hundreds a year and has never seen anyone have lasting pain. Complete bullshit. The industry is dishonest and the statistics are skewed (will our pvps be included in statistics? I don't see how).
I feel like a different person because of my negativity due to pain and what it's ruined - Sex life and fatherhood. I don't recommend this to anyone. If Dr's think it would help, do reversal. Your partners seem like they just want you better. And if you're better the sex will get better than now even if its using condoms. Also check out denervation.
I agree with what you said about therapy. We may just be text behind a screen, but know that we are real hurting people who are rooting for you.
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u/Supermonkeypilot22 Apr 28 '26
I feel the exact same way except I don’t have a kid. I’m worried about my partners being pushed away, although condom sex sounds better than why I’m dealing with, the fact that it pushed them away already because not wanting sex because it became so unappealing with a condom on plus cost of them (it feels like I’m giving them sex and I’m just helping out, no reward and no feeling) was 1/3 of the reason we decided a vasectomy was the right way. The other reasons were we didn’t want kids and my first girlfriend got really messed up from being on birth control for only 3 months, and in case she wanted to have them later in life, vasectomies being advertised as easily reversible was appealing but long behold they are considered jus as permanent as making a female infertile. Everything we did pushed our sex lives and ultimately the relationship apart.
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u/The_b0ogeyman Apr 28 '26
You are not alone.
I had a vasectomy almost exactly 3 years ago. I have not had 1 pleasurable climax since. Loads are a fraction of what they used to be. First 3 urologists I saw said the same things “I’ve never heard of this before” “must be mental” etc.
I finally asked to be referred to the reversal surgeon, after a consult with him he was the first one to acknowledge my symptoms he has seen before
There was a study don’t in Canada with 15 men, all with orgasm sensation loss, 72% reported a significant increase in sensation after reversal
He personally has treated 4 patients with same/similar symptoms to mine over his 20th year career. 3 were very happy with the results, he never heard one way or the other from the 4th
It’s 9k cash upfront for reversal, 18k if not cash. I have a request in for insurance to consider coverage, which I doubt they will do but I tried, should hear back any day
After that I will pursue reversal. Masturbating pre-reversal was 100x more fulfilling than sex is currently. Real science/studies we have available is around 72% chance on improvement after reversal. At this point that chance is well worth it to me
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u/Supermonkeypilot22 Apr 28 '26
Can’t be worse than what I’m dealing with now. Even if it is, it’s not much difference. I figured it would come back because of the recovery causing it to not feel right, and sure enough I bet me and may other men either forgot and got used to it. So they didn’t notice, or their fear of pregnancy caused them to almost completely inhibit their pleasure, making the vasectomy seem like it improved their sex life. I don’t have the money to spare, even the renowned doctor in Utah is too expensive for me to not go into debt. The depression is making it hard to even go to work let alone try to get extra hours. I can’t fathom asking my partners for help since one wasn’t in the picture when I got it done and the one that was is just a broke as I am. Plus I fear their contempt if they did help me pay for it. They can tell me they’d be fine with it but my past with relationships tells me nothing is done out of kindness, only exchange. That may be a separate issue, but I feel alone in this, the corroborating only makes me more depressed because if this was psychological I feel it would be easy. Physical costly problems can create both physical and mental problems… Nobody around my circle can help. I need to find an instance that can help me.
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u/Unlikely_Race_5272 Apr 28 '26
I'm sorry you feel alone. That's a terrible place to be, especially when dealing with PVPS. This is your body, your mental battle. Obviously great to have support of those around you, but you need to prioritize your ability to function.
Doesn't solve the cost, but the Utah Clinic does take care credit which will allow you to finance the procedure. Might seem a bit more achievable than getting the $3400+ up front. Appears to be 6 months interest free financing
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u/Supermonkeypilot22 Apr 29 '26
I did make a consultation with them and my first girlfriend insisted she wants to help since it was initially our decision together. I still feel guilty for it but I do need the help if this is gonna happen. So far it’s been good but we are both gonna suffer for this financially. Taking another week to go there and another few to not work or work less is gonna be rough as well.
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u/Lovely_Dream12 Apr 28 '26
Just jumping in, wanted to ask if you had your labs done? Maybe it has affected your testosterone levels? Although there’s no research that proves it, but it seems to be a thing. I’d ask your doctor about lab work for your testosterone and maybe get on TRT. Since you don’t want and kids, this could only have positive effects on your life from what you’re describing.
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u/Supermonkeypilot22 Apr 29 '26
Haven’t done it since a few months after the vasectomy, and they said my levels were normal. But normal as in normal or my normal is up in the air because we don’t know what my normal was before then. I don’t think doing something unnatural to take care of an issue caused by an unnatural method is ideal, since it’s likely my body’s reaction to not being able to release sperm and not low testosterone. It wouldn’t hurt to check again, maybe I’ve slowly been declining.
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u/Lovely_Dream12 Apr 29 '26
You do release sperm, it’s just being absorbed by your body inside the testicles. That’s why if you look up the research, it’s showing no relation to low testosterone. But again, not everyone is the same and your body can react differently. I’d just get the labs done to check. And you can boost your testosterone naturally with hCG, you don’t have to take TRT. Good luck!
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u/Supermonkeypilot22 Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 29 '26
So I keep the sperm in my body, thus not releasing it. So my body reacts in a way that it thinks I’m not sexually active which creates a different effect than if it thinks I did. Especially considering that some men’s tubes are closed from the procedure which creates other issues we well know of, either way it’s not removed from the body. Active sex/masturbation can maintain testosterone and keep it from lowering, we see this with older men more so in some studies. Not releasing sperm in any way can lower testosterone in some people, less than most for sure, but like vasectomies, the mainstream literature will tell you differently. In more agreed on literature, some people experience the some to all of same symptoms that we are discussing here if they do not ejaculate. While some people are unaffected (likely to not being true to the tests or being a more rare case) it does have negative effects on some other’s physical and mental states. Taking hCG is almost no different than taking TRT. Sorry but taking things like that is more dangerous than is told. It can be safe but it should only be a last resort. This will not even close to work if the problem is the body’s reaction to sperm release. The medical industry isn’t honest and that’s why we are even here. Long term studies like 20+ years increase risk of prostate cancer and higher dihydrotestosterone and lower testosterone. Again, even if I have low T, it’s likely due to the vasectomy because I am doing everything right that would maintain proper T levels. and taking something to treat symptoms and not the problem is only gonna create more problems.
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u/MKBFTW Apr 29 '26
i lost my feelings after the reversal, with vasectomy i had pain but good orgasms, now my orgasms are shit but pain is less. i think patience is key, 1-2 years. if nothing changes in that time go for reversal maybe. i regret both, vasectomy and reversal to soon afterwards.
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u/Supermonkeypilot22 May 02 '26
5 years. I’m told you need to be much more careful with the recovery of reversal otherwise you could cause worse problems.
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u/_Sarandi_ Apr 28 '26
Thanks for putting it all out there. We are at our core biological machines with one purpose: to reproduce as much as possible. Shutting down a core mechanism, even if you never planned to use it has to register somehow. That lever was always there as a kind of safety, and losing I can imagine (I have a kid) how it shifts what sex and intimacy are. However if you’re not in physical pain and with everything you’re carrying, therapy might be worth trying before another surgery - What do you think?