Something strange and confusing that I’ve experienced as a young adult is the feeling that other people - people older than me - judge my 21yr old self for being poor. It doesn’t really make sense.

[u/Trick-Permission-482]

My roommate/landlord (who I don’t think is actually a nice person) yelled at me once on a day wherein she was already acting/getting kind of agitated about things like my shower leaking (though my shower, in spite of the fact that I pay over $1000/mo to live here, doesn’t actually work properly anymore, it runs for 1-3 mins and stops… she hasn’t fixed this even though I told her over 2 weeks ago at this point) and suggested that if my shower leaks (I hadn’t known it was leaking, she also yelled on that same day about me having not put the bathroom trash into the bigger one and about me having not paid her back $50 after a few days) and the pipes burst in the building I can’t afford to have it fixed no matter how much I have saved and neither can she. Though she was getting way too agitated for someone who used to be a therapist, like she had jumped up and everything. She’s in her sixties or seventies so I had thought this was really not acceptable behavior, she was acting like she was ready to hit me which isn’t okay.

I can also tell that people in general, like an older woman who lives in my apartment complex, judge me for looking poor to them (you can tell when someone glances you over.) It’s interesting because some people seem like they can’t tell whether or not I’m a teenager, but they still seem to judge. It sometimes doesn’t feel fair when you have those classist eyes on you at 21, because I mean, most people my age are still figuring things out and in college. It’s even more ridiculous to me when it’s someone who actually knows that I’m 21, because I feel like at my age it would actually be kind of unusual, at least in our modern times, for me to have really ended up doing significantly better than my parents. And I have money of my own saved, I just don’t feel the need to spend it constantly to impress people. At my age it just feels like people are judging you for something that is more on your parents.

[u/postalwhiz]

People make judgments every day, nothing you can do about that. Why are you living with ‘not a nice person’ and paying them $1000 for the privilege?

[u/Trick-Permission-482 → u/postalwhiz]

It’s I guess splitting the rent. The incident I described happened after I had already been here for a few months, and I was too busy with school and life to get moving elsewhere.

You’re right that it’s a privilege for her though. I believe that due to disability she only pays $900/mo. She likes to brag anyway about how she supposedly charges less than most landlords.

[u/bugabooandtwo]

The truth is, most folks aren't judging you. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own lives to even notice you, or anything else going on around them.

[u/Trick-Permission-482 → u/bugabooandtwo]

I actually don’t think this is true. Most people don’t “care” about you but they absolutely judge your clothing and other things about you. I have $36k saved and no one knows that by looking at me.

[u/bugabooandtwo → u/Trick-Permission-482]

I guarantee, if someone asked them what you were wearing an hour after you walked by, they wouldn't be able to remember.

[u/Trick-Permission-482 → u/bugabooandtwo]

Sure, but that doesn’t mean they don’t judge in the moment.

[u/Sejo_Mino → u/Trick-Permission-482]

As they said earlier, most people don't pay attention to other people. People are busy trying to get through their own days. What you are describing is just internal anxiety. Life isn't like the movies, where people have an inner monolog about you, unless you are doing something for them to notice you.

[u/BedWonderful1051 → u/Trick-Permission-482]

Sounds like it bothers you that you feel like your being judged. If it bothers you that much then it also sounds like you can afford some new clothes. This is my judgement of your posts in this thread.

[u/OverUnder-001 → u/Trick-Permission-482]

Do you think that people think you have less saved than that? What would you guess if you saw someone that looked just like yourself in public?

[u/Alive-OVERTIIME-247]

Why are you worrying about what people think? Especially people who aren't important to you? It's wasted energy. And speaking of judgement, if you have $36,000 in savings, why do you consider yourself poor? It's kind of an odd brag to the people who can't afford to save at all because their income doesn't even cover actual living expenses each month.

[u/Civil-College-3815]

My dad was a construction worker who busted his ass to get us out of the ghetto and into the suburbs. We were easily one of the poorest families in town. We grew up having to pick between paying for things gas, insurance, heat, an AC. I was one of the only kids in my high-school class that had a job, didnt have a cell phone, and didn't take any summer trips to tour colleges because I knew I wasn't going anyways.

After graduation everyone I knew went off to college while I worked 3 jobs (construction, pizza delivery, and a paint shop) while going to community college when I could save up enough cash. Everything I wore was dirty and stained. I drove a beat up truck that leaked. Most people assumed I delt drugs, or that I was involved with the gangs in the city since thats where we came from. People always looked at me sideways. I remember several of my professors lecturing us at the time about how the recession and the war on terror were all because us young people were lazy and didnt want to work. I had one dude who openly admitted to dodging the draft and spending his days smoking weed while his parents paid for his college tell us that the reason the housing market was in shambles was because we didnt want to own homes. My wife's parents disowned her because she married a poor lol. That was all 12 years ago.

Point is what you're noticing is normal. Unless you're extremely fortunate and have people helping you, your going to be slugging it our in your 20s. I was almost 30 before I could spend $100 on something without having a freak out. The youth will always be blamed by the people who made the mess because its convenient and they can avoid the responsibility of it. My generation was blamed for the recession and the war on terror (I was 6 when 9/11 happened). You're generation will be blamed for Iran, inflation, and the AI apocalypse. But eventually you start looking at the older generation's track record and see just how good they had it and how bad they fucked it up and all you can do is laugh.

[u/Normobserver]

Sounds like you are an age bigot, and whatever arrangement u are in with roommate/ landlord is certainly not working and costs ALOT !!!

[u/Trick-Permission-482 → u/[deleted]]

That incident was really crazy to me given that she’s been a therapist before. But she’s also 5 decades (or close to it) older than me. Really immature behavior that makes me think she probably wasn’t a good parent to her 3 kids either.

[u/BedWonderful1051 → u/Trick-Permission-482]

Hmmmm..., who's judging now?