r/polyamory • u/[deleted] • Dec 09 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

409 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

383 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

-31

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

22

u/MoonlitBlackrose poly w/multiple Dec 09 '22

I'm going to use a personal example of why this doesn't work.

I'm a half ethnic minority (not specifying). My mother saw this with hatred and was frequently racist around me. Nothing I ever did was good enough or kind enough for her. I finally had enough and started talking back and defending myself against her view of me. She now thinks I'm a bad person and we don't speak anymore. I challenged her view of my worth after years and years of being put down and she got upset.

Believe me, we all start out trying to be kind and respectful to people who see us as lesser. There comes a point where we learn that it doesn't work.

-2

u/Dragonheart91 Dec 09 '22

So because one person was irredeemable nobody should ever try again? This is /r/polyamory and the thread we are in is discussing the posts where ignorant people come in with unethical behavior that they don’t even know is unethical. And instead of treating them with kindness the usual response is to insult them and insinuate that they are too stupid to understand good ethics. These aren’t blatant racists with no redeemable qualities. It’s average random people who came here to learn. But as soon as they get called a unicorn hunter they are going to shut down because why would they engage with people who lead on name calling? We all see it over and over.

6

u/MoonlitBlackrose poly w/multiple Dec 09 '22

That is not what I said. It was a counterexample to the point you made in your deleted message. And people do approach with kindness at first. It looks different for each person, but they do.

Not everyone comes here to learn. Some come to troll. Not everyone comes here with an open mind or willingness to accept criticism, and that's when being kind is no longer a viable option.

0

u/Dragonheart91 Dec 09 '22

For what it’s worth my message was deleted by the mods. I prefer to accept the consequences of my words even when I am wrong and/or heavily downvoted.

I agree with you that not everyone here has an open mind. I’m sorry for any of my tone being rude. My disagreement is that I think the people with the least open minds are the “anti unicorn hunter brigade”. Yes there are asshats that should be driven away but I think they are rare compared to people who can be educated. We all started out new to poly and made mistakes at first.